In less than a month, I'd have spent a year in the United States. I do not have a happy ending to report. Indeed, I do not have any sort of ending to report - hence, the lack of a natural pause to sum up changes to my life since I've got here.
Instead of a coherent narrative, I can only provide non-sequiter mental impressions. Any attempt at coherency feels like a giant game of connect-the-dots without knowing the sequence by which to draw in the lines.
Bear with me, please.
****
I've graduated from my LLM a week ago. I did not attend my graduation. I told my professors it was because I planned to go on a trip out of California at the time. I did no such thing. In truth, I was ashamed to admit that I did not want to spend the US$50+ to rent a gown. It felt like a frivolous expense at this stage where I feel the need to make every penny count.
I regret it of course. That may have been the last opportunity I had to see some friends in the LLM program. One will return to China in short order. Another will be heading to New York to take the bar exam there, then head back to Japan. I have no doubts that another will be buried in work, and another is preparing to deliver her first child. And then, there is me.
And thus, this phase of my life ends without ceremony, because I refuse to pay for ceremony.
I guess my feelings of isolation were exacerbated because I had also recently started my bar review course in Boalt Hall, UC Berkeley. Logistically, this represented an extra hour of sleep and not having to fight with the I-880 morning gridlock. Emotionally, I feel like I'm stepping into Berkeley again for the first time - there's almost no one I know at the Bar Review. This, and the fact that I'm getting my a$$ kicked in my practice questions, does not make me a happy camper.
****
If I had to sum up what the LLM program taught me in a word, it would be "respect". In many ways I've always appreciated that Singapore's legal universe is smaller than many Singapore lawyers would like it to be. However, it's a whole different deal to be confronted by the sheer puniness of Singapore's jurisprudence. 50 states plus a federal government plus a country that actively engaged in shaping (not copying) international law generates a lot of legal thinking.
More so than black letter law, the differences in how people of a certain country approach legal thinking is fantastic of itself. I'm not sure how to describe it, except that in Santa Clara University, I was afforded more freedom to explore than I've ever been afforded. I cannot say it is purely a product of postgraduate education - I've had contact with postgrads in NUS Law that were not nearly afforded the same level of exploratory freedom.
*****
Living in a foreign country reinforces the fact that you are the foreigner, that you are the one who speaks with an exotic accent, eats foreign foods, and imports foreign ideas. I bring this up because of this incident.
I have two things to say about this.
Firstly, regardless of how uncouth the behaviour of natives are, complaining about them on a public forum belies one important fact - you are the guest, not them. You are here by their leave. They are not here by yours. This remains a fact even if the natives behave uncouthly in your own country, because their behaviour in your home country is not the point.
Secondly, I ask Singaporeans anxious to make a distinction between themselves and China nationals - Do you have more in common with a national from China, or an Indian, Malay or Caucasian living in Singapore? Do you have more in common with a university graduate from China than a Chinese-educated manual labourer who grew up in Singapore? I ask these questions to illustrate a simple fact - as Singaporeans, we may have less in common between ourselves than we think. If so, then on what basis do we have to infer generally superior social graces, culture, education, or social standing?
****
It feels good, however, not to have to travel an hour a day to school on a long dreary highway with nothing to see but sound walls and other cars. Berkeley is a beautiful place to live. Thanks to my schedule last year, I've been unable to take advantage of that. I've resolved to discover more about Berkeley this year.
****
My job situation is holding up okay. If nothing else I will have something to tide me through my 1-year employment authorization. I'm still looking for an employer willing to sponsor my H1-B, but I recognize that it's not an easy deal.
The dealbreaker, of course, is the Labour Certification. I've spoken about this a while back. Essentially, the Labour Department must make a determination of what your wage is. This determination tends to err on the high side. My problem is this - I'm too "exotic" for most law firms, as I do not carry the traditional JD degree. They are the firms that are most likely to be -able- to sponsor me, but they are not willing to give me the time of day in the first place. The smaller law firms who -want- to sponsor me tend not to be able to sponsor me, because the wage determination tends to be a lot higher than what they are willing to pay.
I'm still working on it. I figure that if I knock on enough doors, someone will eventually take notice.
****
A lot of my recreation time over the last year has been on World of Warcraft. I play it because there doesn't seem to be anything better out there. I may switch to another MMORPG once I make enough to afford another MMORPG - or not.
I've just joined a raiding guild - which means spending inordinate amounts of time in a large dungeon, hoping for ultra-valueable items to drop. I'm not sure this is exactly what I -want- from my gaming time, because it's starting to feel a lot like work.
So, even my online life is at a crossroads. The irony does not escape me.
****
One thing that I've noticed over the past year is that I've provided far less Singapore-related commentary than I used to. At risk of sounding lame, it's because I'm not there anymore. At best, what I can read about Singapore is second hand from blogs (and since I don't trust MSM coverage, blog news is about all I get). Speedy and timely commentary seems impossible when someone else has already written what you want to write.
There is also the emotional distance from Singapore. Things that would set me off while I was in Singapore are now mere irritants. I notice the growing gulf between what happens in Singapore and how it affects me. The sad thing is, I'm not sure if I care about this gulf. I know it won't grow to a point where I will not feel anything, so long as my family and friends are still there.
Nevertheless, the shadow of Singapore still affects how I define my problems. I still plan in terms of material growth, career, children and what not. That I've got to execute my plan here and not in Singapore is by-the-by. There's still no divine revelation, no inspiration, no grand narrative that has made itself apparent to me, save one - the nagging doubt that perhaps, for me, the journey -is- the narrative.
So much for the Singapore Dream.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Geek Before Chic
I was reading LawyerWriter's entry on Nerd vs Geek. Sure brings back some memories.
Like LawyerWriter, I've pretty much been a hard-core geek almost all my life. I wonder where girls like LawyerWriter have been all my life. They certainly didn't appear in my teenage years. It would have made my gawky teenage years much easier.
In the spirit of my discovery that girls like LawyerWriter actually existed, I set out my own geek credentials.
My Top 7 Geek Credentials
1. I not only own some of the old Dungeons and Dragons game books, I owned books from every edition ever published except the very first edition published in 1977, where you were able to play a young balrog. I know the current version 3.5 is a misnomer - there were boxed sets published way before the version 1.0 was published.
What's my favourite class? Depends. I often joke to my gaming buddies that I play whatever gives me the most plusses.
That's just for Dungeons and Dragons. I have more game books from other genres than I care to admit. Chances are, if it was ever published, I'd probably have played it at one point in time or other.
2. I wasn't addicted to a computer game. I was addicted to entire gaming platforms. My first gaming platform was the Commodore C64. Then a Nintendo, Nintendo 16 bit, Sega Genesis, Neo-Geo, PS 2, XBox and PC games. I've beaten someone on Street Fighter 2 one-handed and looking away from the screen. I've beaten every Rockman released except a recent 3D spin-off.
I'm already seriously addicted to World of Warcraft, but my long-time readers already knew that.
3. I've watched more anime than I care to admit. Apart from old standbies like Robotech, Captain Harlock and Voltron, I've watched Crying Freeman, Fist of the North Star and Legend of the Overfiend at the tender age of 14, not to mention the "core" watchings like Akira and Ghost In The Shell.
4. I wasn't just picked last for games - I well and truly suck at them despite my best efforts. I still can't catch keys thrown at me.
5. Steady bullying during my youth - check. At least 2 different stages of life - check. "Popular" bullies - double check. With life experiences like that, you stop taking things like social acceptance seriously.
6. I had, and still have, an unhealthy interest for theoratical science. I look forward to the day I can control my computer through an implant (for plebians, the first bit of culture that referenced this was NOT "The Matrix"), taking Soma, meeting a Selenite, or leaving the Silent Planet, or discovering Great Mambo Chickens, or building a Dyson Sphere (or Ringworld).
7. Three words. Han. Shot. First!!!!
Like LawyerWriter, I've pretty much been a hard-core geek almost all my life. I wonder where girls like LawyerWriter have been all my life. They certainly didn't appear in my teenage years. It would have made my gawky teenage years much easier.
In the spirit of my discovery that girls like LawyerWriter actually existed, I set out my own geek credentials.
My Top 7 Geek Credentials
1. I not only own some of the old Dungeons and Dragons game books, I owned books from every edition ever published except the very first edition published in 1977, where you were able to play a young balrog. I know the current version 3.5 is a misnomer - there were boxed sets published way before the version 1.0 was published.
What's my favourite class? Depends. I often joke to my gaming buddies that I play whatever gives me the most plusses.
That's just for Dungeons and Dragons. I have more game books from other genres than I care to admit. Chances are, if it was ever published, I'd probably have played it at one point in time or other.
2. I wasn't addicted to a computer game. I was addicted to entire gaming platforms. My first gaming platform was the Commodore C64. Then a Nintendo, Nintendo 16 bit, Sega Genesis, Neo-Geo, PS 2, XBox and PC games. I've beaten someone on Street Fighter 2 one-handed and looking away from the screen. I've beaten every Rockman released except a recent 3D spin-off.
I'm already seriously addicted to World of Warcraft, but my long-time readers already knew that.
3. I've watched more anime than I care to admit. Apart from old standbies like Robotech, Captain Harlock and Voltron, I've watched Crying Freeman, Fist of the North Star and Legend of the Overfiend at the tender age of 14, not to mention the "core" watchings like Akira and Ghost In The Shell.
4. I wasn't just picked last for games - I well and truly suck at them despite my best efforts. I still can't catch keys thrown at me.
5. Steady bullying during my youth - check. At least 2 different stages of life - check. "Popular" bullies - double check. With life experiences like that, you stop taking things like social acceptance seriously.
6. I had, and still have, an unhealthy interest for theoratical science. I look forward to the day I can control my computer through an implant (for plebians, the first bit of culture that referenced this was NOT "The Matrix"), taking Soma, meeting a Selenite, or leaving the Silent Planet, or discovering Great Mambo Chickens, or building a Dyson Sphere (or Ringworld).
7. Three words. Han. Shot. First!!!!
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Elections Commentary
I have been working on this post since before the polls started. It seems that a lot of what I had wanted to write has now become irrelevant. There were a number of things that I had hoped to see, but I take comfort in the fact that a message -has- been sent to the incumbent, albeit not as strong as what I wanted to see. On the other hand, I realise that the opposition has no choice but to attempt a long-term play.
Since I have a number of US-based readers, I will attempt to summarize the Singapore political system here.
Since Singapore's independence some 40+ years ago, Singapore has been dominated in one party - the (P)eople's (A)ction (P)arty. In US terms, this would be the equivalent of having a super-majority in both the House and the Senate. When I say super-majority, I mean having enough legislative seats to amend the Singapore Consitution at will. Also, since the Executive Branch is essentially nominated from the legislative (different from the US, I know), the head of the Executive Branch, the Prime Minister, is also a member of the PAP. So are all the ministers (about equivalent to the various Secretaries and the Vice Presidents).
There is a lot more I can say about the incumbent, but I won't. Do a little research on "Lee Kwan Yew", "Lee Hsien Loong", "Lee Hsien Yang" and "Ho Ching". The connections should be fairly obvious.
What I will instead focus on is the role of opposition parties in Singapore.
Given the overwhelming strength of the PAP, Opposition parties have very little legal power in Singapore. Indeed, many mothers (including my own) worry about their sons and daughters running for Opposition Parties - which tends to turn into a career death sentence in many ways.
However, what they increasingly have is symbolic power. They are the Little Engines That Could. The Parties that Just Won't Quit. They represent the underdogs forgotten by an over-sanitised system that has no place for old men, unemployed graduates, and retrenched middle-managers. There is a significant and growing minority of voters that have had it with the Singapore System, and want alternatives.
There are a few indications that I have seen these elections that lead me to believe that there is a growing dissatisfaction with the incumbent's methods of government.
(1) This is the first set of elections that our current Prime Minister has had to undergo. The PAP under his leadership captured 66% of the nation's votes. This is 6% higher than the absolute -worst- performance of his predecessor (which I note, wasn't during his inaugural election).
(2) The Prime Minister of Singapore, faced against 6 aged 30-something complete political unknowns, fared a little worse than the national average of 66.6% votes cast FOR the PAP.
(3) In spite of thinly veiled threats against long-time opposition consituencies, these constituencies still voted opposition. In some other consituencies, the loss against the incumbent was very close.
I suspect that the PAP has two possible strategies ahead. It can either (i) crack down more on opposition politicians or (ii) find a method of coopting or engaging the disenfranchised, which I note, are either the youngest segment of voters, or the oldest. The former risks turning these politicians into political martyrs, the latter undermines their own symbolic strength by implicitly admitting "weakness".
Either way, the Opposition can only grow in strength.
Since I have a number of US-based readers, I will attempt to summarize the Singapore political system here.
Since Singapore's independence some 40+ years ago, Singapore has been dominated in one party - the (P)eople's (A)ction (P)arty. In US terms, this would be the equivalent of having a super-majority in both the House and the Senate. When I say super-majority, I mean having enough legislative seats to amend the Singapore Consitution at will. Also, since the Executive Branch is essentially nominated from the legislative (different from the US, I know), the head of the Executive Branch, the Prime Minister, is also a member of the PAP. So are all the ministers (about equivalent to the various Secretaries and the Vice Presidents).
There is a lot more I can say about the incumbent, but I won't. Do a little research on "Lee Kwan Yew", "Lee Hsien Loong", "Lee Hsien Yang" and "Ho Ching". The connections should be fairly obvious.
What I will instead focus on is the role of opposition parties in Singapore.
Given the overwhelming strength of the PAP, Opposition parties have very little legal power in Singapore. Indeed, many mothers (including my own) worry about their sons and daughters running for Opposition Parties - which tends to turn into a career death sentence in many ways.
However, what they increasingly have is symbolic power. They are the Little Engines That Could. The Parties that Just Won't Quit. They represent the underdogs forgotten by an over-sanitised system that has no place for old men, unemployed graduates, and retrenched middle-managers. There is a significant and growing minority of voters that have had it with the Singapore System, and want alternatives.
There are a few indications that I have seen these elections that lead me to believe that there is a growing dissatisfaction with the incumbent's methods of government.
(1) This is the first set of elections that our current Prime Minister has had to undergo. The PAP under his leadership captured 66% of the nation's votes. This is 6% higher than the absolute -worst- performance of his predecessor (which I note, wasn't during his inaugural election).
(2) The Prime Minister of Singapore, faced against 6 aged 30-something complete political unknowns, fared a little worse than the national average of 66.6% votes cast FOR the PAP.
(3) In spite of thinly veiled threats against long-time opposition consituencies, these constituencies still voted opposition. In some other consituencies, the loss against the incumbent was very close.
I suspect that the PAP has two possible strategies ahead. It can either (i) crack down more on opposition politicians or (ii) find a method of coopting or engaging the disenfranchised, which I note, are either the youngest segment of voters, or the oldest. The former risks turning these politicians into political martyrs, the latter undermines their own symbolic strength by implicitly admitting "weakness".
Either way, the Opposition can only grow in strength.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Situation Update
Time for a sitrep.
(1) I've finished my thesis. It's 10 pages longer and 2 topics shorter than what I had intended to write, but it's over, it's done and I'm not looking at it again. I'm fairly sure my supervisor will take it as is.
(2) I'm finally done with my internship. I know I'll miss heading down to the cubicle every other day, but I've got some time for myself at least, except...
(3) My first exam is in a week's time. I've got some serious cramming to do in the upcoming week. That's not gonna stop me from taking breathers though.
(4) For those of you who have been sending me prayers/well-wishes about my financial situation, thank you. Things are looking slightly up. I've got a few prospects for part-time work during the summer, so I won't be forced to loiter on the streets or starve to death, except...
(5) I start bar review courses 4 days after my last exam. These review courses take up every weekday morning for the rest of May-early July, and I'll need to work in the afternoons to pay my rent as well. In short, I'm gonna be working my ass off during summer.
(6) For those of you who have been worried on my behalf about my visa situation, I'm glad to report a few more new prospects. It's way too early to tell if any of these things pan out, but I've got more than 1 decent opportunity in the works. I'm fairly confident that at least one of them will turn out well.
Thanks all, for those of you who have been putting up with my whining.
(1) I've finished my thesis. It's 10 pages longer and 2 topics shorter than what I had intended to write, but it's over, it's done and I'm not looking at it again. I'm fairly sure my supervisor will take it as is.
(2) I'm finally done with my internship. I know I'll miss heading down to the cubicle every other day, but I've got some time for myself at least, except...
(3) My first exam is in a week's time. I've got some serious cramming to do in the upcoming week. That's not gonna stop me from taking breathers though.
(4) For those of you who have been sending me prayers/well-wishes about my financial situation, thank you. Things are looking slightly up. I've got a few prospects for part-time work during the summer, so I won't be forced to loiter on the streets or starve to death, except...
(5) I start bar review courses 4 days after my last exam. These review courses take up every weekday morning for the rest of May-early July, and I'll need to work in the afternoons to pay my rent as well. In short, I'm gonna be working my ass off during summer.
(6) For those of you who have been worried on my behalf about my visa situation, I'm glad to report a few more new prospects. It's way too early to tell if any of these things pan out, but I've got more than 1 decent opportunity in the works. I'm fairly confident that at least one of them will turn out well.
Thanks all, for those of you who have been putting up with my whining.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Why We Need Heroes
"They can be a great people Kal-El. They wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way."
-cries tears of joy-
Welcome home.
-cries tears of joy-
Welcome home.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Deconstructing Faith
Tomorrow's Easter.
I'm Christian. I don't, however, profess to know all the answers. For example, I cannot believe that playing D&D is tantamount to Satan worship. Like Holly Q, I don't believe that Christianity should discriminate against homosexuality.
Does this make me a bad Christian?
I've had a long argument with Dawn over the nature of morals. I told here a while ago that I do not believe that all morals are subjective. I hold to that. There is the objective existence as we commonly understand it i.e the way a chair exists. There is also objectivity in the sense that a common view defines reality. Diamonds, for example, are valueable simply because everyone agrees that they are. Does that make their value false? Maybe, but it's still objectively obtainable.
Morals are real. God is real, even if God isn't three pounds of flax.
My greatest problem with my own faith has always been the state of knowledge. I do not know, for example, how men can claim to know God's divine will. If God is truly infinite, how can man understand God's will through our puny senses? The Bible? That is guidance, not a road map. The Bible does not tell a young french student whether to take care of his mother through World War II or to sign on to fight Nazis.
Who are we to know with absolute certainty what God wills?
Yet, in my uncertain state, I still have to make moral decisions - the first of which is whether I believe in God. The fact that I have to make a decision and the fact that I never know exactly what consequences my decision will have fills me with dread and anxiety.
The reverse, however, must be true. If I choose, it is ultimately my choice. If I choose to persecute homosexuals, D&D players, Muslims and the such, it will be my choice, not God's will. If I choose send the National Guard to Iraq, the fact that New Orleans didn't get the National Guard's help is not God's will, but mine alone.
My faith is not run on certainty, but best guesses. I feel an obligation to seek out the best thing to do in a situation. It does not mean I know it is the best thing, merely my best guess. It means I am never certain if what I am doing is God's will. All I can do is pray about it, believe in it, and do the best I can.
People have asked me why, despite all the shit Christians have put me through, why I still remain Christian. This is my answer.
"I don't have the right to punish God for Man's sins."
I'm Christian. I don't, however, profess to know all the answers. For example, I cannot believe that playing D&D is tantamount to Satan worship. Like Holly Q, I don't believe that Christianity should discriminate against homosexuality.
Does this make me a bad Christian?
I've had a long argument with Dawn over the nature of morals. I told here a while ago that I do not believe that all morals are subjective. I hold to that. There is the objective existence as we commonly understand it i.e the way a chair exists. There is also objectivity in the sense that a common view defines reality. Diamonds, for example, are valueable simply because everyone agrees that they are. Does that make their value false? Maybe, but it's still objectively obtainable.
Morals are real. God is real, even if God isn't three pounds of flax.
My greatest problem with my own faith has always been the state of knowledge. I do not know, for example, how men can claim to know God's divine will. If God is truly infinite, how can man understand God's will through our puny senses? The Bible? That is guidance, not a road map. The Bible does not tell a young french student whether to take care of his mother through World War II or to sign on to fight Nazis.
Who are we to know with absolute certainty what God wills?
Yet, in my uncertain state, I still have to make moral decisions - the first of which is whether I believe in God. The fact that I have to make a decision and the fact that I never know exactly what consequences my decision will have fills me with dread and anxiety.
The reverse, however, must be true. If I choose, it is ultimately my choice. If I choose to persecute homosexuals, D&D players, Muslims and the such, it will be my choice, not God's will. If I choose send the National Guard to Iraq, the fact that New Orleans didn't get the National Guard's help is not God's will, but mine alone.
My faith is not run on certainty, but best guesses. I feel an obligation to seek out the best thing to do in a situation. It does not mean I know it is the best thing, merely my best guess. It means I am never certain if what I am doing is God's will. All I can do is pray about it, believe in it, and do the best I can.
People have asked me why, despite all the shit Christians have put me through, why I still remain Christian. This is my answer.
"I don't have the right to punish God for Man's sins."
Monday, April 03, 2006
I Had A Friend...
...who I trusted deeply, who I literally spent much of my young adult days growing up around. Someone who was so fundamentally different from who I was, yet with enough mutual respect that these differences turned out to be some of the strongest bonds I had ever forged with another human being.
I use the past tense because I no longer consider this person a friend.
This friend came upon hard times. He had to take a break from his education because he could not pay his school fees. His father approached me, asking me to help him out. I did.
One loan became two, two became four, and four became many more. I've lost count of the number of times his father approached me for money, all the time promising that he would have it returned before I got married.
Then my wedding came, and the money wasn't returned.
My friend's father spoke to me, told me what a hard time my friend and his family were going through. He told me that if one, just one, of his ideas would work out, he would have enough to pay me many times over. When I put my foot down on not extending any more loans, the requests changed. Ideas. Questions. Advice. Anything my mind could lend itself to his cause.
One request became two, two became for, and four became many more. I've lost count of the number of times his father approached me for advice, all the time promising me that he would have my money returned to me soon.
Then came time for me to leave for the States. I'd long since given up on seeing any of the money. For an experienced businessman my friend's father displayed a shocking naivete about the way business works now. As I sighed at yet another heavy-handed, over-reaching, money-making scheme, I made my preparations to leave.
Before I left, I asked for help, contacts, anyone my friend and his father could put me in touch with. They did, and gladly. They promised me that I would have a warm welcome there, in the States. They promised that I would get the help I needed to get settled in.
I went to the States. I waited. I tried to get in touch with this contact. No response. Not a peep. I waited some more. Finally, I got on with my life, disappointed, but far from beaten.
And then came the request for help again. More questions. More thinking. More advice. By this time, I had been in the States for so long that whatever help he could give in helping me settle in was long overdue, and probably not needed.
It was during this time I found out my friend had been borrowing money off another mutual friend of ours. My friend lent him the money he had been saving for his honeymoon. When came time to repay, he couldn't. Except, this time, it wasn't for his school fees.
It was for an Apple Powerbook. When I found out, I recall staring bitterly at my 100-page, looseleaf notepad, which I had relied on to take my notes for the longest time in the States, because I couldn't afford a laptop with the little money I brought along.
I sent him a short, terse reply about exactly what I thought of his actions. I should have told him exactly where to shove that Apple Powerbook. I haven't spoken to him since.
I found out a short time back that he still wonders if our friendship would recover if I had time away. Perhaps he doesn't understand me well enough after all those years - my trust, once betrayed, is almost impossible to regain. Making restitution would only be the beginning, not an end in itself. Perhaps if he doesn't understand why I am so deeply disappointed with him and his family, then maybe, just maybe, I was the fool. I will not be fooled twice.
Why do I write about this now?
Because I looked at my account yesterday, and the money I lent him was the approximate amount I needed to remain here in the States.
********
And because no good deed deserves to be unpunished, let me now say....
...this might as well have been my story about Singapore.
I use the past tense because I no longer consider this person a friend.
This friend came upon hard times. He had to take a break from his education because he could not pay his school fees. His father approached me, asking me to help him out. I did.
One loan became two, two became four, and four became many more. I've lost count of the number of times his father approached me for money, all the time promising that he would have it returned before I got married.
Then my wedding came, and the money wasn't returned.
My friend's father spoke to me, told me what a hard time my friend and his family were going through. He told me that if one, just one, of his ideas would work out, he would have enough to pay me many times over. When I put my foot down on not extending any more loans, the requests changed. Ideas. Questions. Advice. Anything my mind could lend itself to his cause.
One request became two, two became for, and four became many more. I've lost count of the number of times his father approached me for advice, all the time promising me that he would have my money returned to me soon.
Then came time for me to leave for the States. I'd long since given up on seeing any of the money. For an experienced businessman my friend's father displayed a shocking naivete about the way business works now. As I sighed at yet another heavy-handed, over-reaching, money-making scheme, I made my preparations to leave.
Before I left, I asked for help, contacts, anyone my friend and his father could put me in touch with. They did, and gladly. They promised me that I would have a warm welcome there, in the States. They promised that I would get the help I needed to get settled in.
I went to the States. I waited. I tried to get in touch with this contact. No response. Not a peep. I waited some more. Finally, I got on with my life, disappointed, but far from beaten.
And then came the request for help again. More questions. More thinking. More advice. By this time, I had been in the States for so long that whatever help he could give in helping me settle in was long overdue, and probably not needed.
It was during this time I found out my friend had been borrowing money off another mutual friend of ours. My friend lent him the money he had been saving for his honeymoon. When came time to repay, he couldn't. Except, this time, it wasn't for his school fees.
It was for an Apple Powerbook. When I found out, I recall staring bitterly at my 100-page, looseleaf notepad, which I had relied on to take my notes for the longest time in the States, because I couldn't afford a laptop with the little money I brought along.
I sent him a short, terse reply about exactly what I thought of his actions. I should have told him exactly where to shove that Apple Powerbook. I haven't spoken to him since.
I found out a short time back that he still wonders if our friendship would recover if I had time away. Perhaps he doesn't understand me well enough after all those years - my trust, once betrayed, is almost impossible to regain. Making restitution would only be the beginning, not an end in itself. Perhaps if he doesn't understand why I am so deeply disappointed with him and his family, then maybe, just maybe, I was the fool. I will not be fooled twice.
Why do I write about this now?
Because I looked at my account yesterday, and the money I lent him was the approximate amount I needed to remain here in the States.
********
And because no good deed deserves to be unpunished, let me now say....
...this might as well have been my story about Singapore.
Monday, March 27, 2006
When You Dig
Sometimes a solution isn't obvious till you dig deeper.
I've been having problems with my computer for the last months since I got here. It'd shut down inexpicably, or crash with whenever I'd leave it on too long. I took it to the computer shop and they told me it was because my graphics card was old.
It never occurred to me what the problem was until one day, my wife complained to me that my computer sounded like it was choking.
So today, while my wife is away in Ohio, I opened up my computer casing and found the problem - a thick layer of dust over the heat sink vent. I cleared it out and voila - the computer sounds like it's working normally again.
Proves that sometimes, all you really need to do is to get your hands dirty.
I've been having problems with my computer for the last months since I got here. It'd shut down inexpicably, or crash with whenever I'd leave it on too long. I took it to the computer shop and they told me it was because my graphics card was old.
It never occurred to me what the problem was until one day, my wife complained to me that my computer sounded like it was choking.
So today, while my wife is away in Ohio, I opened up my computer casing and found the problem - a thick layer of dust over the heat sink vent. I cleared it out and voila - the computer sounds like it's working normally again.
Proves that sometimes, all you really need to do is to get your hands dirty.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Singapore the MMORPG
Edit: I stumbled across an article that pretty much sets out everything that is wrong with MMORPG's nowadays - but centering its analysis on WoW. Pretty much sets out what I write in less rambly language.
Having recently hit level 60 at WoW, I could not help but notice a startling similarity between WoW and Singapore.
For the benefit of those not in the know, level 60 is the absolute highest level you can attain in WoW. In many ways, it represents a coming of age. This is where your character stops growing and starts participating. There are many "60's only" places and quests. It's like getting keys to the executive bathroom. A whole new world awaits you.
Here's the catch. The game at level 60 is vastly different from the game at level 1-59. Strategies that once worked from level 1-59 absolutely do not work at level 60. At levels 1-59, you have many choices to thrive. At level 60, you really only have two choices to avoid character stagnation.
You either sell out, or compete for scraps.
Like WoW, Singapore literally hands you the game from levels 1-59. Sure, there are super-performers in school who get all the perks. Sure there are people who get crushed by the wheels of a merciless system. By and large, however, you -will- get a decent education, you -will- get your bellies filled, and you -will- enjoy a standard of living that, while not fantastic, is certainly comfortable. Singapore hands its citizens the equivalents of level 1-59. The system facilitates both casual participants as well as fanatic workaholics. You can choose to work hard, or not.
Once you hit 60, the environment changes. The strategies that kept you alive at levels 1 to 59 don't work any more. You realise that your NUS degree, and whatever few marketable skills you have means little and increasingly less in the big bad world out there. You realise that that you are largely helpless in spite of the fact that you may have worked your ass off during levels 1-59. Casual participation becomes nigh impossible. Only complete utter dedication will allow you to thrive - anything else risks stagnation. You realise that there are only two ways to achieve the end-game rewards. You can team up with people to get "raid" end-game dungeons, or you can fight other players in "(P)layer (V)ersus (P)layer" battlegrounds.
Teaming up requires having a skill set that the team needs. That skill set may not be the one that is most desirable to you, merely those most desirable to the team. The team does not care if you have hopes, dreams and aspirations of your own. The team only cares if you can contribute to help them slay Blackwing, Onyxia or Ragnaros. Except, if you've played WoW long enough, you will know that many raiding guilds are run like military organizations or corporations, and have more than their share of catass-ery.
"PvP" requires something else. It requires you to pit your skills with foul mouthed kids and teenagers, who have nothing better to do but to hone their skills in the Battlegrounds. Alternatively, you'd face a person who plays a character that is invulnerable to damage, can teleport from place to place, and can kill you with a keypress. In short, you remain breathlessly disbelieving and wondering why the system rewards loophole exploiters and the obsessed, but punishes the casual.
Both of these are not the problems. The problem starts when you are level 1 to level 59 - the system gives no indication of the problems you will face at level 60. All we get are anecdotes of players before us - players who have their own self-interest at heart when doling information out. The senior players are likely to have gotten ahead either by nefarious means or by simply "grinding" away while the rest of us casual gamers have lives to tend to. They are not likely to lobby for casual-friendly gaming. In suffering, they expect us to suffer along with them for rewards. These hard-core gamers exert a disproportionate amount of power and often lobby and obtain landscape changes that yet again favours them while stiffing us.
So you look at your options, and wonder why you pay dues for the privilege of aggravating yourself. Your eye starts wandering. You discover other MMORPG's, and wonder if they are just more worthwhile. Unfortunately, you have a sinking suspicion that jumping ship may mean a serious case of "Same Shit Different Day".
You know that the problem is not with the system, but with the inherent nature of man.
Chances are also that while you hate the problems with WoW, you have friends you made there. Leaving WoW means leaving your friends behind, and you just -cannot- do that. Ever.
So what do you do?
I'm still trying to find the answer.
Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.
Having recently hit level 60 at WoW, I could not help but notice a startling similarity between WoW and Singapore.
For the benefit of those not in the know, level 60 is the absolute highest level you can attain in WoW. In many ways, it represents a coming of age. This is where your character stops growing and starts participating. There are many "60's only" places and quests. It's like getting keys to the executive bathroom. A whole new world awaits you.
Here's the catch. The game at level 60 is vastly different from the game at level 1-59. Strategies that once worked from level 1-59 absolutely do not work at level 60. At levels 1-59, you have many choices to thrive. At level 60, you really only have two choices to avoid character stagnation.
You either sell out, or compete for scraps.
Like WoW, Singapore literally hands you the game from levels 1-59. Sure, there are super-performers in school who get all the perks. Sure there are people who get crushed by the wheels of a merciless system. By and large, however, you -will- get a decent education, you -will- get your bellies filled, and you -will- enjoy a standard of living that, while not fantastic, is certainly comfortable. Singapore hands its citizens the equivalents of level 1-59. The system facilitates both casual participants as well as fanatic workaholics. You can choose to work hard, or not.
Once you hit 60, the environment changes. The strategies that kept you alive at levels 1 to 59 don't work any more. You realise that your NUS degree, and whatever few marketable skills you have means little and increasingly less in the big bad world out there. You realise that that you are largely helpless in spite of the fact that you may have worked your ass off during levels 1-59. Casual participation becomes nigh impossible. Only complete utter dedication will allow you to thrive - anything else risks stagnation. You realise that there are only two ways to achieve the end-game rewards. You can team up with people to get "raid" end-game dungeons, or you can fight other players in "(P)layer (V)ersus (P)layer" battlegrounds.
Teaming up requires having a skill set that the team needs. That skill set may not be the one that is most desirable to you, merely those most desirable to the team. The team does not care if you have hopes, dreams and aspirations of your own. The team only cares if you can contribute to help them slay Blackwing, Onyxia or Ragnaros. Except, if you've played WoW long enough, you will know that many raiding guilds are run like military organizations or corporations, and have more than their share of catass-ery.
"PvP" requires something else. It requires you to pit your skills with foul mouthed kids and teenagers, who have nothing better to do but to hone their skills in the Battlegrounds. Alternatively, you'd face a person who plays a character that is invulnerable to damage, can teleport from place to place, and can kill you with a keypress. In short, you remain breathlessly disbelieving and wondering why the system rewards loophole exploiters and the obsessed, but punishes the casual.
Both of these are not the problems. The problem starts when you are level 1 to level 59 - the system gives no indication of the problems you will face at level 60. All we get are anecdotes of players before us - players who have their own self-interest at heart when doling information out. The senior players are likely to have gotten ahead either by nefarious means or by simply "grinding" away while the rest of us casual gamers have lives to tend to. They are not likely to lobby for casual-friendly gaming. In suffering, they expect us to suffer along with them for rewards. These hard-core gamers exert a disproportionate amount of power and often lobby and obtain landscape changes that yet again favours them while stiffing us.
So you look at your options, and wonder why you pay dues for the privilege of aggravating yourself. Your eye starts wandering. You discover other MMORPG's, and wonder if they are just more worthwhile. Unfortunately, you have a sinking suspicion that jumping ship may mean a serious case of "Same Shit Different Day".
You know that the problem is not with the system, but with the inherent nature of man.
Chances are also that while you hate the problems with WoW, you have friends you made there. Leaving WoW means leaving your friends behind, and you just -cannot- do that. Ever.
So what do you do?
I'm still trying to find the answer.
Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
The Only Thing We Have
I had hoped to update this earlier, but the time between my last post and this has been a blur of activity and haziness caused by too much coffee and too little sleep.
Last week was spring break, except it was so bloody cold that no reasonable person would expect it to be spring yet, and I didn't have a break. The reason I didn't have a break is because I have started work.
Yeap, you read right. I found some work. The only shitty thing is, they want to pay me but I can't accept payment, since I'm still on an F1 visa. I'm working for free right now. No expenses claimed, no salary paid, everything out of pocket. Plus, I have to cross the bay 3 times a week, and each crossing costs USD$3.
Why am I insane enough to do this? The simple answer - I need every break I can get. I've already alluded to the difficulty of getting a visa sponsor. If I do a good job here, maybe, just maybe, word will get around. Besides, I promised almost a year ago that I will do absolutely everything in my power to stay. I'll not break that promise now.
Hope may be the last of Pandora's evils, but in the end, it's may be the only thing we have.
Plus, free beef jerky and cup noodles, plus all the apple cider, coke and coffee I can drink ain't bad.
------
On a brighter note, I have finally presented the work I've been doing with my professor. We just gave a presentation on Wednesday at Santa Clara University on "The Emerging Role and Voices of Women in the Legal Profession in China." Or something like that.
I don't remember much of it now. I was decaffinated on Wednesday. What I do remember is that the presentation went better than I expected. My ghoulish sense of humour and wisecracks were suprisingly well-received.
At the end of a presentation, a good-looking female student walked up to me and asked me if I knew her boyfriend, cos he's Singaporean and we all knew each other, right? I told her politely that we don't, or at least, I don't. Apart from Ben, who I know through blogging, I have no clue about the Singaporean population in Santa Clara U.
Would I like to meet them? Probably, but I have no clue who they are.
So, good-looking female student, if you happen to be reading this blog, I'm sorry I sounded really standoffish, but I was tired, drained and generally cranky that day. Plus, I really didn't know your boyfriend. Really.
P.S It'd be funny if it was Ben's girlfriend I met. I honestly have no clue. She didn't identify her boyfriend.
Last week was spring break, except it was so bloody cold that no reasonable person would expect it to be spring yet, and I didn't have a break. The reason I didn't have a break is because I have started work.
Yeap, you read right. I found some work. The only shitty thing is, they want to pay me but I can't accept payment, since I'm still on an F1 visa. I'm working for free right now. No expenses claimed, no salary paid, everything out of pocket. Plus, I have to cross the bay 3 times a week, and each crossing costs USD$3.
Why am I insane enough to do this? The simple answer - I need every break I can get. I've already alluded to the difficulty of getting a visa sponsor. If I do a good job here, maybe, just maybe, word will get around. Besides, I promised almost a year ago that I will do absolutely everything in my power to stay. I'll not break that promise now.
Hope may be the last of Pandora's evils, but in the end, it's may be the only thing we have.
Plus, free beef jerky and cup noodles, plus all the apple cider, coke and coffee I can drink ain't bad.
------
On a brighter note, I have finally presented the work I've been doing with my professor. We just gave a presentation on Wednesday at Santa Clara University on "The Emerging Role and Voices of Women in the Legal Profession in China." Or something like that.
I don't remember much of it now. I was decaffinated on Wednesday. What I do remember is that the presentation went better than I expected. My ghoulish sense of humour and wisecracks were suprisingly well-received.
At the end of a presentation, a good-looking female student walked up to me and asked me if I knew her boyfriend, cos he's Singaporean and we all knew each other, right? I told her politely that we don't, or at least, I don't. Apart from Ben, who I know through blogging, I have no clue about the Singaporean population in Santa Clara U.
Would I like to meet them? Probably, but I have no clue who they are.
So, good-looking female student, if you happen to be reading this blog, I'm sorry I sounded really standoffish, but I was tired, drained and generally cranky that day. Plus, I really didn't know your boyfriend. Really.
P.S It'd be funny if it was Ben's girlfriend I met. I honestly have no clue. She didn't identify her boyfriend.
Friday, February 24, 2006
Pandora's Box
When Pandora's Box was opened, the last entity to exit for the mortal world was Hope.
I've often wondered why Hope was trapped in there with all the evils. I've read accounts that it was either (i) without the evil, there was no need for hope or (ii) that hope was the greatest of all evils.
After today, I think it's a little of both.
So, I had an offer, and a sponsor for a work visa. There was only one catch. The prevailing wage requirements meant that she had to overpay me. And she could not do that. This was in spite of the fact that (i) the prevailing wage does not take into account the fact that she's a sole proprietor and (ii) that she's not located in "prime" Sillicon Valley.
And after a week of running around like a madman trying to put the pieces together for what is needed for a work visa, I end up with a big fat zero.
I'm going to be off for the next few weeks sulking and angsting about being back to square one. I really wished I had a happy ending for everyone today, but it just isn't happening.
I've often wondered why Hope was trapped in there with all the evils. I've read accounts that it was either (i) without the evil, there was no need for hope or (ii) that hope was the greatest of all evils.
After today, I think it's a little of both.
So, I had an offer, and a sponsor for a work visa. There was only one catch. The prevailing wage requirements meant that she had to overpay me. And she could not do that. This was in spite of the fact that (i) the prevailing wage does not take into account the fact that she's a sole proprietor and (ii) that she's not located in "prime" Sillicon Valley.
And after a week of running around like a madman trying to put the pieces together for what is needed for a work visa, I end up with a big fat zero.
I'm going to be off for the next few weeks sulking and angsting about being back to square one. I really wished I had a happy ending for everyone today, but it just isn't happening.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Love Is...
Love is paying the wages of of someone else's sin.
Love is the sacrifice you never knew you'd make, and don't mind making now that you know.
Love is the answer to the question "What the **** am I doing here?!"
Love is the courage to send out just one more job application after a long string of rejection letters.
Love is always knowing that there is something more important than just yourself.
Love is the tantrum you wished you never threw.
Love is forgiveness unearned.
Love is grabbing today by the balls....and squeezing hard.
Love is spitting in the face of an uncertain future.
Love is the faith that, somehow, things will work themselves out.
Love is staring at your dwindling bank account, and the corners you have to cut to make it last, just a little longer.
Love is the heartache you get from the millions of things you can't give.
Love is joy from the one thing you can give.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Love is the sacrifice you never knew you'd make, and don't mind making now that you know.
Love is the answer to the question "What the **** am I doing here?!"
Love is the courage to send out just one more job application after a long string of rejection letters.
Love is always knowing that there is something more important than just yourself.
Love is the tantrum you wished you never threw.
Love is forgiveness unearned.
Love is grabbing today by the balls....and squeezing hard.
Love is spitting in the face of an uncertain future.
Love is the faith that, somehow, things will work themselves out.
Love is staring at your dwindling bank account, and the corners you have to cut to make it last, just a little longer.
Love is the heartache you get from the millions of things you can't give.
Love is joy from the one thing you can give.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Happy Lunar New Year!
这是Teabone祝贺您新年快乐,心想事成!
(Translation: This is Teabone, wishing you a Happy Lunar New Year! May you succeed in all endeavours!)
The WoW Lunar New Year started a little early. We went visting to get angpow...
(Actual conversation)
Aurelius: I BOW TO NO ELF!
Ferragamo: Shut up, kneel and get your angpow.
The lengths we go to get angpow....
After that, what better way to celebrate than to have a wonderful (banned in Singapore) fireworks display!
After much celebration, it was time to confront the fearsome Omen, or 年. Half an hour later and after many deaths, Omen lay slain before us! What a way to usher in the New Year!
Yes, Omen is that damn big.
Happy Lunar New Year, once again, from....
Teabone, aka "Almost Infamous" Anthony
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Top 10 Signs You Are Addicted to World of Warcraft
10. Your colleague says "I'm sick, I need to go on an MC run", and you wonder if he's already attuned.
9. You refer to dates out with your wife as "Wife Faction Quests", except you know you will never be Exalted.
8. You refer to talking about WoW on a date with your wife as "generating aggro".
7. Punctuation marks are -much- more meaningful now.
6. One question mark good, two question marks bad.
5. You think Elf/Tauren babies are acceptable dietary supplements.
4. Chinese New Year is a big deal (especially if you are a farmer).
3. You think this comic strip is a hilarious joke.
2. You -don't- think this comic strip is a joke at all.
1. You organise group outings with the preface "LFG".
9. You refer to dates out with your wife as "Wife Faction Quests", except you know you will never be Exalted.
8. You refer to talking about WoW on a date with your wife as "generating aggro".
7. Punctuation marks are -much- more meaningful now.
6. One question mark good, two question marks bad.
5. You think Elf/Tauren babies are acceptable dietary supplements.
4. Chinese New Year is a big deal (especially if you are a farmer).
3. You think this comic strip is a hilarious joke.
2. You -don't- think this comic strip is a joke at all.
1. You organise group outings with the preface "LFG".
Friday, January 20, 2006
Meme of 4
Tagged by The Notorious C.H.I.A
4 Jobs You’ve Had In Your Life
Salesman selling Post-It's at a Post Office (I kid you not)
Management Flunkie in an ill-conceived Dot-Com
Lawyer in a mid-sized law firm
Legal counsel in a tiny telecommunications start-up
4 Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
Kung Fu Hustle
A Better Tomorrow
Fighter in the Wind
Transformers the Movie (and with that I display my age)
4 TV Shows You Love(d) To Watch
The Daily Show with John Stewart
CSI Las Vegas
Drawn Together
Visionaries
4 Places You’ve Been On Vacation To
Hong Kong + Shenzhen
Sydney + Hunter Valley
Santa Cruz
Tokyo
4 Places You Would Rather Be
South Africa
In space, preferably with a space suit on
The Orient Express
In an underwater dome
4 Of Your Favourite Foods
Mom's fried bee hoon
Roast Duck
Fried Carrot Cake
Stanley's Ice Cream
4 Websites You Visit
Something Positive
Questionable Content
PvP
Penny Arcade
4 Tagged
The Hungry Bunny
Victoria
Gloria
Brenda
4 Jobs You’ve Had In Your Life
Salesman selling Post-It's at a Post Office (I kid you not)
Management Flunkie in an ill-conceived Dot-Com
Lawyer in a mid-sized law firm
Legal counsel in a tiny telecommunications start-up
4 Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
Kung Fu Hustle
A Better Tomorrow
Fighter in the Wind
Transformers the Movie (and with that I display my age)
4 TV Shows You Love(d) To Watch
The Daily Show with John Stewart
CSI Las Vegas
Drawn Together
Visionaries
4 Places You’ve Been On Vacation To
Hong Kong + Shenzhen
Sydney + Hunter Valley
Santa Cruz
Tokyo
4 Places You Would Rather Be
South Africa
In space, preferably with a space suit on
The Orient Express
In an underwater dome
4 Of Your Favourite Foods
Mom's fried bee hoon
Roast Duck
Fried Carrot Cake
Stanley's Ice Cream
4 Websites You Visit
Something Positive
Questionable Content
PvP
Penny Arcade
4 Tagged
The Hungry Bunny
Victoria
Gloria
Brenda
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Medisearch
I've been asked by a friend to plug a new free webservice, so here goes.
Medisearch is Singapore's first medical services website searchable by location and operating hours. Pretty useful, if you happen to be stuck in the office and need a doctor for an MC badly.
Take a look for yourself.
www.medisearch.com.sg
Medisearch is Singapore's first medical services website searchable by location and operating hours. Pretty useful, if you happen to be stuck in the office and need a doctor for an MC badly.
Take a look for yourself.
www.medisearch.com.sg
Sunday, January 15, 2006
My First Road Trip
It has been almost 7 months since I first made The Move. To my shame, I haven't really been sightseeing around the area. This was something I remedied yesterday. We took our first road trip to Santa Cruz, home of some really famous surfing spots.
Downtown Santa Cruz
Santa Cruz Downtown
Our first stop was to the Visitor Center in Santa Cruz. We got there too early, so we spent some time chilling out at the Macdonalds opposite. At the Visitor Center we were redirected to downtown Santa Cruz. We spent some time exploring the cute downtown and assembling supplies for our foray into the Santa Cruz coastline.
Clock Tower at the end of Santa Cruz downtown
We did not, however, manage to find what we wanted - a picnic basket. After some discussion, we headed to another possible location where we could obtain picnic food - the Santa Clara Wharf
Santa Clara Wharf
The Wharf was a tourist attraction in its own right. Extending a half-mile from the coast, it is also the nesting place of many a seagull, pigeon and sea lion.
Don't seagulls just look rude?
Sealions taking a break from mating season
Mommy and Baby Sealion
I personally liked the Sealions. You could hear them barking from under the wharf. At first, I thought they were seagulls until I actually -heard- a seagull caw.
I missed a really good photo opp though. From the wharf we saw a sealion catch a fish, only to be attacked by a particularly rude seagull wanting its share of the spoils. The sealion dived under the water to escape and we never saw that sealion again.
We bought some really bland fish and chips and headed to our next stop, Lighthouse Point, for an improvised picnic.
Lighthouse Point
Lighthouse Point is a lighthouse (duh!) converted into a Surfing Museum. It also has some of the best views of the Pacific Coastline I've ever seen.
We also saw surfers. I never realised how dangerous the sport could be until I saw this...
Surfers climbing down jagged rocks
I could only imagine what happened if the waves got too big and wached these surfers onto these rocks.
Still I reckon they had fun, even if it was a lot of paddling for a couple of seconds of surfing.
With that, we headed for our final destination.
Natural Bridges State Park
We headed here on the recommendation of the Vistor Center. We hoped to catch a glimpse of Monarch Butterfly clusters. Instead, all we got along the path was this...
A felled tree blocking the nature trail
We then proceeded to catch some tidal land pools, and the natural bridge for which the park was named.
Dinner
Dinner deserves a special entry. It was a letdown. We returned to the wharf for dinner after exploring the coastline for the afternoon. My wife and I were of the same opinion - that salt and spices must be REALLY expensive in Santa Cruz.
Names are withheld to protect the guilty.
I'm glad we made the trip. With some luck, we'd be able to head down to Half Moon Bay or Napa sometime in the near future.
Downtown Santa Cruz
Santa Cruz Downtown
Our first stop was to the Visitor Center in Santa Cruz. We got there too early, so we spent some time chilling out at the Macdonalds opposite. At the Visitor Center we were redirected to downtown Santa Cruz. We spent some time exploring the cute downtown and assembling supplies for our foray into the Santa Cruz coastline.
Clock Tower at the end of Santa Cruz downtown
We did not, however, manage to find what we wanted - a picnic basket. After some discussion, we headed to another possible location where we could obtain picnic food - the Santa Clara Wharf
Santa Clara Wharf
The Wharf was a tourist attraction in its own right. Extending a half-mile from the coast, it is also the nesting place of many a seagull, pigeon and sea lion.
Don't seagulls just look rude?
Sealions taking a break from mating season
Mommy and Baby Sealion
I personally liked the Sealions. You could hear them barking from under the wharf. At first, I thought they were seagulls until I actually -heard- a seagull caw.
I missed a really good photo opp though. From the wharf we saw a sealion catch a fish, only to be attacked by a particularly rude seagull wanting its share of the spoils. The sealion dived under the water to escape and we never saw that sealion again.
We bought some really bland fish and chips and headed to our next stop, Lighthouse Point, for an improvised picnic.
Lighthouse Point
Lighthouse Point is a lighthouse (duh!) converted into a Surfing Museum. It also has some of the best views of the Pacific Coastline I've ever seen.
We also saw surfers. I never realised how dangerous the sport could be until I saw this...
Surfers climbing down jagged rocks
I could only imagine what happened if the waves got too big and wached these surfers onto these rocks.
Still I reckon they had fun, even if it was a lot of paddling for a couple of seconds of surfing.
With that, we headed for our final destination.
Natural Bridges State Park
We headed here on the recommendation of the Vistor Center. We hoped to catch a glimpse of Monarch Butterfly clusters. Instead, all we got along the path was this...
A felled tree blocking the nature trail
We then proceeded to catch some tidal land pools, and the natural bridge for which the park was named.
Dinner
Dinner deserves a special entry. It was a letdown. We returned to the wharf for dinner after exploring the coastline for the afternoon. My wife and I were of the same opinion - that salt and spices must be REALLY expensive in Santa Cruz.
Names are withheld to protect the guilty.
I'm glad we made the trip. With some luck, we'd be able to head down to Half Moon Bay or Napa sometime in the near future.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
I Knew It!
A while back, a friend of mine asked me for an opinion on YouThink, Singapore Straits Time's new youth column. I was a little hesitant, given Straits Time's track record for creative quoting, but since it was a friend who asked, I sent him a quote, and kept the original copy for myself.
Here's what Straits Times quoted.
"'YouthInk is a symbolic gesture in the right direction. I acknowledge the pressing need to make our youth feel engaged in Singapore's social structure. At the very least, it symbolises an attempt to show the youth of Singapore that their views actually matter.
'However, as a forum for youth expression, YouthInk has a long way to go.
'A young voice is powerful because it is young, free from the preconceived 'wisdom' that afflicts adults. It took a child to question the emperor's nakedness. Yet, in the articles I have seen, there wasn't a single one that posed the tremendously difficult questions that the youth are privileged to ask.
'Two articles on blogging advocated simple truisms without further analysis - that we should be responsible with what we write online. Why is no one challenging the conventional models of career success? Why does no one question why young people are flocking to the modelling profession in droves?' -- ANTHONY LIM, 29, currently doing postgraduate studies in San Francisco"
And here's my full text.
"I appreciate the vote of confidence. As you well know, I am not exactly a fervent supporter of mainstream media. If the objective is to get a counterpoint to how well YouThink is doing, you might have come to the right place. If the objective, however, is to get a quote useable by the Straits Times, I'm pretty sure you've asked the wrong person.
Nevertheless, since you've asked, here's what I think.
YouThink is a symbolic gesture in the right direction. I acknowledge the pressing need for mainstream media, and the Government by extension, to make youths feel engaged in Singapore social structure. At the very least, YouThink symbolises an attempt to show the youths of Singapore that their views actually matter.
However, as a forum for youth expression, YouThink has a long way to go.
A young voice is powerful because it is young, free from preconceived "wisdom" that afflicts adults. It took a child to question the emperor's nakedness. This is perhaps the greatest lesson that YouThink should take to heart. Before the eyes of youth, we are all naked.
Yet, in the six articles sent to me, I have not read a single one that poses the tremendously difficult questions that the youth are priviledged to ask. Two of the six articles simply advocate more of the same - a top down, government-driven approach to solve problems. The two articles on blogging advocate simple truisms without further analysis - that we should be responsible with what we write online.
Wherein lies the wisdom of youth? Why is no one asking whether the modern Singapore student wield so much power that teachers are unable to do their jobs? Why is no one challenging the conventional models of career success? Why does no one question why young people are flocking to the modelling profession in droves?
I do not know, nor do I wish to speculate as to this cause. What I am certain of is this - the day that such questions are asked and published is the day YouThink, and all of Singaporean society, has arrived.
I pray fervently for that day to arrive."
The parts in bold are the portions that Straits Times omitted. Not a terrible omission, but one that takes a lot of force out of my opinion. My wife points out the irony of the omissions - that the truly provocative questions have been omitted.
I believe these omissions speak for themselves.
Here's what Straits Times quoted.
"'YouthInk is a symbolic gesture in the right direction. I acknowledge the pressing need to make our youth feel engaged in Singapore's social structure. At the very least, it symbolises an attempt to show the youth of Singapore that their views actually matter.
'However, as a forum for youth expression, YouthInk has a long way to go.
'A young voice is powerful because it is young, free from the preconceived 'wisdom' that afflicts adults. It took a child to question the emperor's nakedness. Yet, in the articles I have seen, there wasn't a single one that posed the tremendously difficult questions that the youth are privileged to ask.
'Two articles on blogging advocated simple truisms without further analysis - that we should be responsible with what we write online. Why is no one challenging the conventional models of career success? Why does no one question why young people are flocking to the modelling profession in droves?' -- ANTHONY LIM, 29, currently doing postgraduate studies in San Francisco"
And here's my full text.
"I appreciate the vote of confidence. As you well know, I am not exactly a fervent supporter of mainstream media. If the objective is to get a counterpoint to how well YouThink is doing, you might have come to the right place. If the objective, however, is to get a quote useable by the Straits Times, I'm pretty sure you've asked the wrong person.
Nevertheless, since you've asked, here's what I think.
YouThink is a symbolic gesture in the right direction. I acknowledge the pressing need for mainstream media, and the Government by extension, to make youths feel engaged in Singapore social structure. At the very least, YouThink symbolises an attempt to show the youths of Singapore that their views actually matter.
However, as a forum for youth expression, YouThink has a long way to go.
A young voice is powerful because it is young, free from preconceived "wisdom" that afflicts adults. It took a child to question the emperor's nakedness. This is perhaps the greatest lesson that YouThink should take to heart. Before the eyes of youth, we are all naked.
Yet, in the six articles sent to me, I have not read a single one that poses the tremendously difficult questions that the youth are priviledged to ask. Two of the six articles simply advocate more of the same - a top down, government-driven approach to solve problems. The two articles on blogging advocate simple truisms without further analysis - that we should be responsible with what we write online.
Wherein lies the wisdom of youth? Why is no one asking whether the modern Singapore student wield so much power that teachers are unable to do their jobs? Why is no one challenging the conventional models of career success? Why does no one question why young people are flocking to the modelling profession in droves?
I do not know, nor do I wish to speculate as to this cause. What I am certain of is this - the day that such questions are asked and published is the day YouThink, and all of Singaporean society, has arrived.
I pray fervently for that day to arrive."
The parts in bold are the portions that Straits Times omitted. Not a terrible omission, but one that takes a lot of force out of my opinion. My wife points out the irony of the omissions - that the truly provocative questions have been omitted.
I believe these omissions speak for themselves.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Symmetry
I am home, having left home.
Buddhists believe in a cycle of karma and retribution. Taoists believe that events occur in natural cycles. Historians believe those who do not know history are doomed to repeat history. Scientists believe that beautiful people are beautiful because their faces are symmetrical.
Such was my visit to Singapore.
I started my acting stint 12 years ago, in the ACJC drama club. My first production was the Merchant of Venice. I played Solanio. The drama teacher in charge at the time had it in her head that we'd look interesting in chinese costumes. We wore awful satin sam-fu's and most of us didn't have a clue what our lines meant. We acted to a huge audience in the AC auditorium.
12 years later, I headed to the Substation to watch the Merchant of Venice done by the current batch of AC Drama. What else can I say about the production, apart from singing its praises? This was the first time AC Drama had used a live band for its musical performance. Electric Guitars, Drums, Bongos even. The results were spectacular, to say the least. They are part of the Art Elective Program now. I say they've earned it.
****
12 months ago, I started playing World of Warcraft. I stumbled around, pretty lost. That's the price I paid for being an early adopter. No information, no news, and no one to help me around. I changed server three times, moved from Alliance to Horde, and played almost every character in the process except the Paladin. I remember being scoffed as being an addict, and told that no one else would join me in the game except me bro and Apocalyptic Wen.
When I moved to California, I stopped playing for a long time. I had a level 46 troll shaman which I gave up in frustration. My bro and Wen operated at a time zone that I couldn't coordinate with. I tried hard to keep in touch through WoW, but no one was there.
When I returned this time, my friends were talking about nothing but WoW. The guild which I signed the original charter had grown tremendously in my absence. Apocalyptic Wen was the guildmaster. I recall the days of dragging Apocalyptic Wen's cloth-covered ass down dungeons for equipment. They all made me a promise - come back, and they would help me get back in shape. For some odd reason, they were happy to see me back.
I've been playing again for the last week, and I've got a level 24 Tauren Druid. All that playing around with other classes allowed me to understand Druids better than most starters.
****
12 is a magical number. There are 12 months to a solar year. Both the Chinese and Western Zodian have 12 constellations. There are 12 numbers on a clock. 12 is the number of the cycle completed. 12 is the number of renewal.
As I had struggled 12 years before, so does AC Drama now bear fruit. As I had struggled 12 months before to help, so I am now helped. It all came round.
Symmetry is beautiful. Beauty is Symmetrical.
Buddhists believe in a cycle of karma and retribution. Taoists believe that events occur in natural cycles. Historians believe those who do not know history are doomed to repeat history. Scientists believe that beautiful people are beautiful because their faces are symmetrical.
Such was my visit to Singapore.
I started my acting stint 12 years ago, in the ACJC drama club. My first production was the Merchant of Venice. I played Solanio. The drama teacher in charge at the time had it in her head that we'd look interesting in chinese costumes. We wore awful satin sam-fu's and most of us didn't have a clue what our lines meant. We acted to a huge audience in the AC auditorium.
12 years later, I headed to the Substation to watch the Merchant of Venice done by the current batch of AC Drama. What else can I say about the production, apart from singing its praises? This was the first time AC Drama had used a live band for its musical performance. Electric Guitars, Drums, Bongos even. The results were spectacular, to say the least. They are part of the Art Elective Program now. I say they've earned it.
****
12 months ago, I started playing World of Warcraft. I stumbled around, pretty lost. That's the price I paid for being an early adopter. No information, no news, and no one to help me around. I changed server three times, moved from Alliance to Horde, and played almost every character in the process except the Paladin. I remember being scoffed as being an addict, and told that no one else would join me in the game except me bro and Apocalyptic Wen.
When I moved to California, I stopped playing for a long time. I had a level 46 troll shaman which I gave up in frustration. My bro and Wen operated at a time zone that I couldn't coordinate with. I tried hard to keep in touch through WoW, but no one was there.
When I returned this time, my friends were talking about nothing but WoW. The guild which I signed the original charter had grown tremendously in my absence. Apocalyptic Wen was the guildmaster. I recall the days of dragging Apocalyptic Wen's cloth-covered ass down dungeons for equipment. They all made me a promise - come back, and they would help me get back in shape. For some odd reason, they were happy to see me back.
I've been playing again for the last week, and I've got a level 24 Tauren Druid. All that playing around with other classes allowed me to understand Druids better than most starters.
****
12 is a magical number. There are 12 months to a solar year. Both the Chinese and Western Zodian have 12 constellations. There are 12 numbers on a clock. 12 is the number of the cycle completed. 12 is the number of renewal.
As I had struggled 12 years before, so does AC Drama now bear fruit. As I had struggled 12 months before to help, so I am now helped. It all came round.
Symmetry is beautiful. Beauty is Symmetrical.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Love According to Chinese Ballads
A new year is arriving in 5 days. This is the time of year to be morose and introspective.
Over the last two weeks, I've spent more time at in front of a karaoke mic than I care to admit, accentuating another part of my fading Singapore identity - the easy availability of Asian ballads. Music about love, hate, betrayal, rejection, set to terse, succinct lyrics that is the hallmark of the Chinese language.
Like it or hate it, growing up Chinese in Singapore means growing up to the music of Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau or (if you're younger) Jay Chou. If you'd grown up in a Chinese household like mine, you'd even be familiar with the songs of Theresa Teng, Yu Tien, Fei Yu Qing and Sam Hui.
For good or ill, the music, and the values they espouse, form a foundation for your value system. Singing them at a karaoke is more than a trip down memory lane. It is walking down the dark cul de sac you always knew was there but never dared walk down, complete with homeless in cardboard boxes, burning oil drums, and hoodlums lurking in the shadows waiting to rob you of your last twenty bucks.
A part of me wonders if I exagerrate, yet I know it is unadulterated truth. Asian ballads are either encourage the formation of certain values, or the songwriters grok Chinese male cultural mindset. I cannot tell which, and it probably doesn't matter.
Love is Sacrifice
如何证明我深情的吻
才能呵护你脆弱的灵魂
我愿用生命阻挡任何能伤害你的人
就算被冷落
就算犯错
我都不走
- 苏永康, "男人不该让女人流泪"
Translation:
How do I prove my loving kiss,
To protect your brittle soul
I will sacrifice my life to protect you from harm
Even if I am discarded,
Even if I sin,
I'll never leave.
Love is doing what you need to do. Love means no price is too steep, no sacrifice too trivial, no cost too high - even if unrequitted love is the asking price. Love asks the impossible, and a true red-blooded male will not only deliver, he will deliver until his broken, bleeding spirit can deliver no more.
What a terrible thing it is to love. If love asks such terrible things, who can we expect to love?
Love Inspires
你哭着对我说
童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂
从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
- 光亮， “童话”
Translation:
You said to me sobbingly,
"Fairy Tales are lies,
You can't possibly be my Prince"
Maybe you'll never know
From the day you told me you loved me
The stars in my night sky brightened
I am willing to be
the Angel in the Fairy Tales you love so much
And enfold my wings around you to guard you
You must believe that We
Like all Fairy Tales
Will have a Happy Ending
Love never asks for sacrifices. Sacrifices are offered, given, presented of free will. Demanding a sacrifice turns love into a transaction. One can never exchange the infinite for the infinite.
Love inspires. Love shows you that there is more in you, that there is always more in you. And when there's always more, you, in turn, inspire.
Love is Infinite, Humans are Fallible
让它随风去,让它无痕迹
所有快乐悲伤所有过去通通都抛去
心中想的念的盼的望的不会再是你
不愿再承受,要把你忘记
-伍佰 & China Blue，“浪人情歌”
Translation:
Let love blow with the wind,
Let love leave no scars
Let all joy, sorrow and all that is past be discarded
Let all thoughts and yearnings not be you
I can bear it no longer
I must forget you
Sometimes love does not work out. When love does not work out, it asks one duty of you.
Walk away with dignity. Bear the scars, swallow the hurt, but walk away.
And that, sometimes, is the hardest thing to do.
Over the last two weeks, I've spent more time at in front of a karaoke mic than I care to admit, accentuating another part of my fading Singapore identity - the easy availability of Asian ballads. Music about love, hate, betrayal, rejection, set to terse, succinct lyrics that is the hallmark of the Chinese language.
Like it or hate it, growing up Chinese in Singapore means growing up to the music of Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau or (if you're younger) Jay Chou. If you'd grown up in a Chinese household like mine, you'd even be familiar with the songs of Theresa Teng, Yu Tien, Fei Yu Qing and Sam Hui.
For good or ill, the music, and the values they espouse, form a foundation for your value system. Singing them at a karaoke is more than a trip down memory lane. It is walking down the dark cul de sac you always knew was there but never dared walk down, complete with homeless in cardboard boxes, burning oil drums, and hoodlums lurking in the shadows waiting to rob you of your last twenty bucks.
A part of me wonders if I exagerrate, yet I know it is unadulterated truth. Asian ballads are either encourage the formation of certain values, or the songwriters grok Chinese male cultural mindset. I cannot tell which, and it probably doesn't matter.
Love is Sacrifice
如何证明我深情的吻
才能呵护你脆弱的灵魂
我愿用生命阻挡任何能伤害你的人
就算被冷落
就算犯错
我都不走
- 苏永康, "男人不该让女人流泪"
Translation:
How do I prove my loving kiss,
To protect your brittle soul
I will sacrifice my life to protect you from harm
Even if I am discarded,
Even if I sin,
I'll never leave.
Love is doing what you need to do. Love means no price is too steep, no sacrifice too trivial, no cost too high - even if unrequitted love is the asking price. Love asks the impossible, and a true red-blooded male will not only deliver, he will deliver until his broken, bleeding spirit can deliver no more.
What a terrible thing it is to love. If love asks such terrible things, who can we expect to love?
Love Inspires
你哭着对我说
童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂
从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
- 光亮， “童话”
Translation:
You said to me sobbingly,
"Fairy Tales are lies,
You can't possibly be my Prince"
Maybe you'll never know
From the day you told me you loved me
The stars in my night sky brightened
I am willing to be
the Angel in the Fairy Tales you love so much
And enfold my wings around you to guard you
You must believe that We
Like all Fairy Tales
Will have a Happy Ending
Love never asks for sacrifices. Sacrifices are offered, given, presented of free will. Demanding a sacrifice turns love into a transaction. One can never exchange the infinite for the infinite.
Love inspires. Love shows you that there is more in you, that there is always more in you. And when there's always more, you, in turn, inspire.
Love is Infinite, Humans are Fallible
让它随风去,让它无痕迹
所有快乐悲伤所有过去通通都抛去
心中想的念的盼的望的不会再是你
不愿再承受,要把你忘记
-伍佰 & China Blue，“浪人情歌”
Translation:
Let love blow with the wind,
Let love leave no scars
Let all joy, sorrow and all that is past be discarded
Let all thoughts and yearnings not be you
I can bear it no longer
I must forget you
Sometimes love does not work out. When love does not work out, it asks one duty of you.
Walk away with dignity. Bear the scars, swallow the hurt, but walk away.
And that, sometimes, is the hardest thing to do.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Seasons Greetings
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka, and Happy Holidays to one and all!
Off to pick the wife up in 15 minutes. Don't do anything naughty while I'm gone!
Off to pick the wife up in 15 minutes. Don't do anything naughty while I'm gone!
Friday, December 23, 2005
Day 10 of Return
I had been meaning to write about my thoughts and feelings coming back to Singapore for a while. The emo entry I wrote when I first returned captures but a small aspect of what I am feeling.
Singapore, to me, seems like that odd midway-point between home and ideal holiday destination. I know it's only been 6 months, but even those 6 months were enough to throw me off. Marina was under construction when I left - and Carl's Jr didn't have a Singapore outlet. Several roads seem to lead to different places from what I remembered, though driving on the left hand side of the car seemed oddly familiar.
The greatest point of disjunct, however, has been food. It's no secret I've been hitting Singapore food pretty hard. I just never expected it to hit back so fiercely.
Last night, just before dinner, I developed bad abdominal cramps. I've had these before when I was in the States - it was when I discovered that I'd become lactose intolerant. This time round, however, no lactose was involved. The cramps got so bad that my parents had to rush me to a doctor for an injection. The injection settled my stomach for all of 5 minutes - where I promptly "merlioned" my dinner outside the clinic.
A graphic representation of what happened outside the clinic for those unfamiliar with what "merlioning" means
Needless to say, I spent the whole of last night feeling bloated and queasy. I threw up two more times before my stomach settled.
What does this have to do with local food, one might ask? The final time I threw up - I threw up the remnants of my dinner two nights ago, and the pain immediately ceased. It was a bowl of bak-chor mee. More accurately, it was probably the bak-chor, which tasted a little funky to me even when I was consuming it.
I am now recovering at home, with plenty of time to think about food misadventures mere days before Chirstmas. Perhaps even my stomach no longer acknowledges its Singaporeaness. I certainly had no problems consuming wasabe beef sandwiches recovered from the floor. Either that, or it's my retribution for tormenting Victoria about the availability of mee pok tar in San Francisco.
Perhaps there is no moral to this story, save for those manufactured by a morose mind.
Singapore, to me, seems like that odd midway-point between home and ideal holiday destination. I know it's only been 6 months, but even those 6 months were enough to throw me off. Marina was under construction when I left - and Carl's Jr didn't have a Singapore outlet. Several roads seem to lead to different places from what I remembered, though driving on the left hand side of the car seemed oddly familiar.
The greatest point of disjunct, however, has been food. It's no secret I've been hitting Singapore food pretty hard. I just never expected it to hit back so fiercely.
Last night, just before dinner, I developed bad abdominal cramps. I've had these before when I was in the States - it was when I discovered that I'd become lactose intolerant. This time round, however, no lactose was involved. The cramps got so bad that my parents had to rush me to a doctor for an injection. The injection settled my stomach for all of 5 minutes - where I promptly "merlioned" my dinner outside the clinic.
A graphic representation of what happened outside the clinic for those unfamiliar with what "merlioning" means
Needless to say, I spent the whole of last night feeling bloated and queasy. I threw up two more times before my stomach settled.
What does this have to do with local food, one might ask? The final time I threw up - I threw up the remnants of my dinner two nights ago, and the pain immediately ceased. It was a bowl of bak-chor mee. More accurately, it was probably the bak-chor, which tasted a little funky to me even when I was consuming it.
I am now recovering at home, with plenty of time to think about food misadventures mere days before Chirstmas. Perhaps even my stomach no longer acknowledges its Singaporeaness. I certainly had no problems consuming wasabe beef sandwiches recovered from the floor. Either that, or it's my retribution for tormenting Victoria about the availability of mee pok tar in San Francisco.
Perhaps there is no moral to this story, save for those manufactured by a morose mind.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Bloggers E-Carolling
Note: My thanks to Mrs Lim for her wonderful carolling meme, without which I would not have thought this up.
The heart of Christmas is giving. Carolling is a way of giving - it sends forth a much-needed reminder that Christmas is bigger than presents, trees and a respite from work. There are, however, those that need more than a reminder of Christmas cheer. People for whom presents are a far-off dream.
I'd like to give something to these people. I'm sure you do too.
Here's the deal - send me a request to sing a carol or Christmas song, and I'll sing it and put it up for your enjoyment. If you like my rendition, all I ask is that you make a gift to a charity. You pick the charity, you pick the gift. Send me feedback and I'll put your name up beside the music link, along with the gift you made. It's that simple.
I look forward to your patronage.
FAQ for Bloggers E-Carolling
Q: How do I make a request?
A: You leave a comment, or email me at khaycelim-at-hotmail-dot-com. I will take any and all requests until 1 Jan 2006.
Q: Will you guarantee that you will fulfil every request?
A: I will do my best to fulfil your request. However, there are some songs that are completely beyond my ability to do a credible job, for example, "Santa Baby". If I cannot do a song, I'll let you know, and you can pick another song, or be very pissed off with me and never speak to me again.
Q: What if I already made a gift to charity? Do I have to make a fresh gift to request a song from you?
A: If you're already made a gift, kudos. Send me a request and I will do it, as my way of thanking you. No fresh gift required.
Q: Is this just a cheap publicity stunt to get traffic to your site?
A: Actually, it isn't. The traffic is nice, but I will be deriving no benefit from it. Any ad revenue that I get from this traffic spike will be donated to charity.
Q: Any amount? Any charity? You're kidding!
A: Different people will value what I am doing differently. Just give what you think my singing's worth. If you think I'm utter crap, don't donate. Different people will also have different ideas where their gifts should go. I don't care about where the gifts go, so long as they go somewhere needed.
Q: How do you stop people from cheating, i.e, requesting a song, then making no gift?
A: I can't. I however, believe that people who cheat charities during Christmas go to a Very Special Place, along with child molesters and people who speak loudly at the cinema. Let your conscience be your guide.
Q: Who the f*** do you think you are? Some celebrity?
A: On the contrary, I know I'm not a celebrity. I don't even have a high traffic blog. I'm just an ordinary Joe Bloe doing his bit for Christmas.
Q: How do I know you're not utter crap?
A: I've sung a few carols for Mrs Lim in her carolling meme. They are here, here and here. Sample them, and if you don't like them, don't make a request.
Q: I love your idea! Can I E-carol on my own site?
A: Absolutely! I'd love to have more people involved in this. As long as you carol for charity, I'll all behind you!
The heart of Christmas is giving. Carolling is a way of giving - it sends forth a much-needed reminder that Christmas is bigger than presents, trees and a respite from work. There are, however, those that need more than a reminder of Christmas cheer. People for whom presents are a far-off dream.
I'd like to give something to these people. I'm sure you do too.
Here's the deal - send me a request to sing a carol or Christmas song, and I'll sing it and put it up for your enjoyment. If you like my rendition, all I ask is that you make a gift to a charity. You pick the charity, you pick the gift. Send me feedback and I'll put your name up beside the music link, along with the gift you made. It's that simple.
I look forward to your patronage.
FAQ for Bloggers E-Carolling
Q: How do I make a request?
A: You leave a comment, or email me at khaycelim-at-hotmail-dot-com. I will take any and all requests until 1 Jan 2006.
Q: Will you guarantee that you will fulfil every request?
A: I will do my best to fulfil your request. However, there are some songs that are completely beyond my ability to do a credible job, for example, "Santa Baby". If I cannot do a song, I'll let you know, and you can pick another song, or be very pissed off with me and never speak to me again.
Q: What if I already made a gift to charity? Do I have to make a fresh gift to request a song from you?
A: If you're already made a gift, kudos. Send me a request and I will do it, as my way of thanking you. No fresh gift required.
Q: Is this just a cheap publicity stunt to get traffic to your site?
A: Actually, it isn't. The traffic is nice, but I will be deriving no benefit from it. Any ad revenue that I get from this traffic spike will be donated to charity.
Q: Any amount? Any charity? You're kidding!
A: Different people will value what I am doing differently. Just give what you think my singing's worth. If you think I'm utter crap, don't donate. Different people will also have different ideas where their gifts should go. I don't care about where the gifts go, so long as they go somewhere needed.
Q: How do you stop people from cheating, i.e, requesting a song, then making no gift?
A: I can't. I however, believe that people who cheat charities during Christmas go to a Very Special Place, along with child molesters and people who speak loudly at the cinema. Let your conscience be your guide.
Q: Who the f*** do you think you are? Some celebrity?
A: On the contrary, I know I'm not a celebrity. I don't even have a high traffic blog. I'm just an ordinary Joe Bloe doing his bit for Christmas.
Q: How do I know you're not utter crap?
A: I've sung a few carols for Mrs Lim in her carolling meme. They are here, here and here. Sample them, and if you don't like them, don't make a request.
Q: I love your idea! Can I E-carol on my own site?
A: Absolutely! I'd love to have more people involved in this. As long as you carol for charity, I'll all behind you!
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
White Christmas
In the spirit of Mrs Lim's (no relation) Christmas Carolling meme, here's my contribution.
White Christmas
Added: What Child is This
More added: Last Christmas by request of Mrs Lim. My apologies for the bad syncopation - the song is damnably hard to do.
Now any blogger who reads this post must also do a Christmas carol. Muahahaha!
White Christmas
Added: What Child is This
More added: Last Christmas by request of Mrs Lim. My apologies for the bad syncopation - the song is damnably hard to do.
Now any blogger who reads this post must also do a Christmas carol. Muahahaha!
Dear Mr Brosnan...
You are in grave danger. On Monday, 19 Jan 2005, at approximately 8 pm,Shianux , Linda Chia and I were shooting the breeze when the conversation took a darker turn.
Somehow, the conversation turned towards rape laws in Singapore. Shianux brought up the fact that women are unable to rape men in Singapore, because the legal definition of rape in Singapore requires penetration. Upon gaining this knowledge, Linda's eyes gleamed in an unwholesome fashion. Moments before this, we had discussed actors that we liked and your name came up.
It is for this reason that I fear for you. Please heed this warning.
****
As is obvious, the coffee session on Monday went splendidly. Shianux and I had a lot to talk about. What can I say? Put two lawyers together and we talk shop. Even if we had all night, and an infinite number of jurisdictions, we would have talked those to death. Indeed, The World Is Not Enough.
Linda joined us at about 8.30. I don't think it's an understatement to say that she lit up the place like Dante's Peak. To our discredit, Shianux and I continued talking shop - which must have bored the Living Daylights out of her. She was, however, happy to discover some useful legal tidbits. Laws of Attraction, sad to say, almost always take mindshare precedence over boring legal discussions.
The conversation continued late into the night. Linda suggested supper. Shianux and I agreed. Shianux was hungry. I think he hadn't eaten After The Sunset. Besides, it was too early to be back. Since none of us were working, we decided to live for today, and Die Another Day - Shianux, Linda and I split an unhealthy but oh-so-delicious supper of sambal stingray, fried kway teow and roti john.
All in all, it was great fun. I hope to be able to meet all of you at the Tomorrow Christmas party. I hope that happens - the discussion about it seemed inactive for a while, and no venue has been confirmed yet. Nevertheless, I have high hopes. Even if individual discussions and news items do get shelved...
.
.
.
.
.
(wait for it)
.
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.
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Tomorrow Never Dies.
P.S: Forgive me Linda. I had to.
P.P.S: I ask my readers to pardon my pun-niness. I'm high on teh-o peng. Yeah. That's it. Blame the teh-o peng.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Rivendell, Lothlorien and Lost Ones
Shyue Chou, Brian, Poon and I
The last time I met these guys was when I was 17. They were former co-residents of Rivendell and Lothlorien, two BBS sites where I used to hang out at back in the days of 2400 bps modems. There are people from that BBS I'd prefer to forget of course, but these are the people that I should have remembered but didn't.
Life got in the way.
We talked. The last time I had met them, I hadn't entered NS yet. That's three entire stages of my life where I had not seen them - NS, Uni and eventually career. We talked, we caught up, and out of morbid curiousity, I asked about some of the people in the BBS I'd rather have forgotten. I felt more than a little disappointed when I heard that some of these characters hadn't changed one bit.
All in all, though, I'm glad all of us managed to find our way around life eventually. At 16, we were angsty, depressed and angry at the world. At 29, we had or have successful careers, and can look back on our teenage days with a little embarassment, but much nostalgia.
There were several turning points in my life - and meeting these people on Lothlorien was one of them. As an angsty, wound-up teenager, finding out that you weren't as alone as you thought was a godsend - even if my sanity was often tried with this bunch.
I wish you all the best. Lothlorienites, Rivendellians, and all that have entered my life but, through my own lack of care, have dropped out of my life.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Coffee on Monday
I'm going to be at Liat Towers Starbucks at 8.00 p.m, Monday, December 19. I will be meeting Shianux for coffee (I think) and would love to meet more Singapore bloggers and my readers. Please drop by if you are so inclined, and don't be shy - I'm probably even more shy than you are and this arrangement is entirely uncharacteristic of me, but I do very much want to put faces to comments and blog handles.
I'll be the bald Asian guy wearing a polo T and cargo pants, reading a book. If I'm alone, please come up and introduce yourself - you're more likely to know what I look like than the other way round.
Alternatively, I will be happy to meet people for coffee at alternate times if you leave a comment or an email at khaycelim-at-gmail-dot-com.
Note: Edited for Tym's benefit. I wasn't aware there was any place in Liat Towers apart from Starbucks -to- have coffee, but I really should be specific about it.
I'll be the bald Asian guy wearing a polo T and cargo pants, reading a book. If I'm alone, please come up and introduce yourself - you're more likely to know what I look like than the other way round.
Alternatively, I will be happy to meet people for coffee at alternate times if you leave a comment or an email at khaycelim-at-gmail-dot-com.
Note: Edited for Tym's benefit. I wasn't aware there was any place in Liat Towers apart from Starbucks -to- have coffee, but I really should be specific about it.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Surrealism
I never expected homecoming to be so surreal. I'm not even sure that "homecoming" is the right term.
My old room was exactly as I left it when I made my trip six months ago. My books. My graduation photos. My stuffed animals. All of them where right where I left them - less the ones I took with me to California. The absences were conspicious. Someone had ripped the most important parts of my life from my old room, and that someone was I.
I met up with friends from my old firm this afternoon. My old supervising partner looked pale and overworked. My friend told me about his recent hospital visit. My friend was busy and overworked. We met up with another old friend who has since moved on to another firm. We talked like I had never left. I missed them greatly.
Tonight, I suprised AC Drama with my appearance at their dance recital. After the recital we talked as if I had never left - about what I had done since I left. I talked about the time I had spent in my LLM program, about the freedom I had there. I talked about my schoolmates. I talked about how humbling, yet inspiring, my experiences have been. We made plans to meet. I missed them greatly.
There is more, of course. I learnt what the price of friendship was this afternoon. It was from someone I missed greatly, but I just cannot face right now. I pray that one day this person will understand all I ever wanted was to be able to face him without disappointment, and I cannot even do that. I shall miss him greatly.
Somehow, I'm home but I'm not. I've only returned to the life that I've left behind, and everyone else has moved on. I cannot help but feel disappointment, yet I have no right to. Somewhere, through the haze of jetlag and disappointment, the impact of being caught between 2 homes has yet to sink in.
It has however, landed the first cut.
My old room was exactly as I left it when I made my trip six months ago. My books. My graduation photos. My stuffed animals. All of them where right where I left them - less the ones I took with me to California. The absences were conspicious. Someone had ripped the most important parts of my life from my old room, and that someone was I.
I met up with friends from my old firm this afternoon. My old supervising partner looked pale and overworked. My friend told me about his recent hospital visit. My friend was busy and overworked. We met up with another old friend who has since moved on to another firm. We talked like I had never left. I missed them greatly.
Tonight, I suprised AC Drama with my appearance at their dance recital. After the recital we talked as if I had never left - about what I had done since I left. I talked about the time I had spent in my LLM program, about the freedom I had there. I talked about my schoolmates. I talked about how humbling, yet inspiring, my experiences have been. We made plans to meet. I missed them greatly.
There is more, of course. I learnt what the price of friendship was this afternoon. It was from someone I missed greatly, but I just cannot face right now. I pray that one day this person will understand all I ever wanted was to be able to face him without disappointment, and I cannot even do that. I shall miss him greatly.
Somehow, I'm home but I'm not. I've only returned to the life that I've left behind, and everyone else has moved on. I cannot help but feel disappointment, yet I have no right to. Somewhere, through the haze of jetlag and disappointment, the impact of being caught between 2 homes has yet to sink in.
It has however, landed the first cut.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Food For Thought
I finished my last exam, submitted my research paper and had a good dinner. I am amazed by the amount of time I had left over after every exam, and how much time I -didn't- need. Oh, and I passed my MPRE. Yay me.
I fly back tonight, near-midnight. A time warp will throw me in Singapore at about 11.30 am on the 14th of December. For fun and entertainment on the flight, I loaded up on onions and beans for dinner. That should make me real popular. I hope they upgrade me to First Class. Perhaps my -ahem- personality will be in first class while I languish in economy.
Then, it's a couple of weeks of enjoying Teh-O Peng with old friends and annoying the heck out of my productively employed friends.
Life is good.
I fly back tonight, near-midnight. A time warp will throw me in Singapore at about 11.30 am on the 14th of December. For fun and entertainment on the flight, I loaded up on onions and beans for dinner. That should make me real popular. I hope they upgrade me to First Class. Perhaps my -ahem- personality will be in first class while I languish in economy.
Then, it's a couple of weeks of enjoying Teh-O Peng with old friends and annoying the heck out of my productively employed friends.
Life is good.
Friday, December 02, 2005
How Do You Feel Sorry....
Is it right to feel sorry that someone who's life never intersected yours passes on? Is it right to write about loss when you've never read a single word of her writings?
I don't know La Idler. Yet, for some reason, I feel sad. I don't feel I have a right to feel sad, and this drives me nuts.
I fear death. Even though I am Christian and I believe in the Better Place, I still fear its arrival. I fear the end of things that I have yet to do. I don't know if any of these thoughts crossed Sondra's mind as she passed on. Perhaps my sorrow is only a pale reflection of my fear.
Perhaps there is a Better Place for Sondra. Perhaps not. I don't know what her beliefs are, and I don't feel right imposing mine on the dearly departed. What I do know is that I feel as if I've lost something that I never knew I had.
Or perhaps it is a stark reminder that we are all mortal, and we have but a short time. Perhaps it is a reminder to use my time wisely, and not let my fear of the unknown stop me from making sure lives intersect.
Rest well, Sondra. I knew you not, but thank you for your precious gift to me.
I don't know La Idler. Yet, for some reason, I feel sad. I don't feel I have a right to feel sad, and this drives me nuts.
I fear death. Even though I am Christian and I believe in the Better Place, I still fear its arrival. I fear the end of things that I have yet to do. I don't know if any of these thoughts crossed Sondra's mind as she passed on. Perhaps my sorrow is only a pale reflection of my fear.
Perhaps there is a Better Place for Sondra. Perhaps not. I don't know what her beliefs are, and I don't feel right imposing mine on the dearly departed. What I do know is that I feel as if I've lost something that I never knew I had.
Or perhaps it is a stark reminder that we are all mortal, and we have but a short time. Perhaps it is a reminder to use my time wisely, and not let my fear of the unknown stop me from making sure lives intersect.
Rest well, Sondra. I knew you not, but thank you for your precious gift to me.
Tagged Yet Again
Victoria tagged me with this a while ago. I promised to do this after I'd finished writing my paper. Here it is.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. KC
2. Khayce
3. Anthony (but not Tony)
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Khayce
2. Sykobear
3. Keeper of the Scrolls (this one dates back almost 15 years)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My facial skin - few pimples, small pores.
2. My crooked teeth - makes my smile maniacal
3. My thumb reflexes - I've incredibly coordinated thumbs.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My curly hair
2. Skin on my arms and legs, which occassionally break out in itchy rashes
3. My flat feet
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. ACS
2. Chinese
3. Did I mention ACS?
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Death
2. Not knowing what I have in store in half a year
3. Knowing that I can (and have been) taken advantage of.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Sleep
2. Internet Connection
3. Books
THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. My glasses
2. My Berms
3. My grotty, hole-y, cotton T-Shirt
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
2. Drops of Jupiter - Train
3. Unwell - Matchbox 20
THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. Road to Damascus - John Ringo and Linda Evans
2. White Wolf - David Gemell
3. Magic of Incarnum - d20 book that has nice, game-breaking material
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Intelligent conversation.
2. Quiet "alone" time.
3. Great sex.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I've mooted in international mooting competitions.
2. I can do Yoda, Gollum, Grover and Ribena Berry voice impressions.
3. I've acted in 2 musicals and 3 plays.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. A cute butt.
2. Mischevious eyes.
3. Nice Shoulders. (My intelligent wife pointed out intelligence was not a physical trait.)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Tabletop gaming.
2. Computer gaming.
3. Heck, all gaming.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Finish my exams.
2. Find a job for next year.
3. Not freeze because it's winter here.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Research Chemist.
2. Journalist.
3. College Professor.
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Norway
2. Italy
3. China
THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Anton
2. Annmarie
3. Bobbi-Jo
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. Have and raise kids.
2. Find a job I actually -like-.
3. Sing for an audience one more time.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I solve problems, but not people.
2. I like watching American Football.
3. I like violent martial arts flicks.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I'm much closer to female friends than male friends.
2. I can pick out a stunning dress at 20 paces, just by walking by.
3. I hate putting on make up, cos it ruins my skin.
THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Angelina Jolie
2. Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas
3. Monica Belucci
THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Christian Bale
2. Johnny Depp
3. And...you guessed it...Brad Pitt
I tag Richard, Brenda and Ada.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. KC
2. Khayce
3. Anthony (but not Tony)
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Khayce
2. Sykobear
3. Keeper of the Scrolls (this one dates back almost 15 years)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My facial skin - few pimples, small pores.
2. My crooked teeth - makes my smile maniacal
3. My thumb reflexes - I've incredibly coordinated thumbs.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My curly hair
2. Skin on my arms and legs, which occassionally break out in itchy rashes
3. My flat feet
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. ACS
2. Chinese
3. Did I mention ACS?
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Death
2. Not knowing what I have in store in half a year
3. Knowing that I can (and have been) taken advantage of.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Sleep
2. Internet Connection
3. Books
THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. My glasses
2. My Berms
3. My grotty, hole-y, cotton T-Shirt
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
2. Drops of Jupiter - Train
3. Unwell - Matchbox 20
THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. Road to Damascus - John Ringo and Linda Evans
2. White Wolf - David Gemell
3. Magic of Incarnum - d20 book that has nice, game-breaking material
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Intelligent conversation.
2. Quiet "alone" time.
3. Great sex.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I've mooted in international mooting competitions.
2. I can do Yoda, Gollum, Grover and Ribena Berry voice impressions.
3. I've acted in 2 musicals and 3 plays.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. A cute butt.
2. Mischevious eyes.
3. Nice Shoulders. (My intelligent wife pointed out intelligence was not a physical trait.)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Tabletop gaming.
2. Computer gaming.
3. Heck, all gaming.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Finish my exams.
2. Find a job for next year.
3. Not freeze because it's winter here.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Research Chemist.
2. Journalist.
3. College Professor.
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Norway
2. Italy
3. China
THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Anton
2. Annmarie
3. Bobbi-Jo
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. Have and raise kids.
2. Find a job I actually -like-.
3. Sing for an audience one more time.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I solve problems, but not people.
2. I like watching American Football.
3. I like violent martial arts flicks.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I'm much closer to female friends than male friends.
2. I can pick out a stunning dress at 20 paces, just by walking by.
3. I hate putting on make up, cos it ruins my skin.
THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Angelina Jolie
2. Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas
3. Monica Belucci
THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Christian Bale
2. Johnny Depp
3. And...you guessed it...Brad Pitt
I tag Richard, Brenda and Ada.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Back From Ohio
Slowly recovering from sub-zero Thanksgiving. Am glad to return to the (relatively balmly) California winter. Took tons of pictures. Will post them and write about them when I get the chance.
Will be spending the next few days finishing up my paper and hunting for cut-price turkey meat. Have fun Singapore.
P.S Is anyone who reads this blog going to attend the Blogger's Christmas Party on December 23rd? If you do, can you leave me a comment? I'd like to go but don't like going if I don't know anybody there.
Will be spending the next few days finishing up my paper and hunting for cut-price turkey meat. Have fun Singapore.
P.S Is anyone who reads this blog going to attend the Blogger's Christmas Party on December 23rd? If you do, can you leave me a comment? I'd like to go but don't like going if I don't know anybody there.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
"I Fail To See It"
First, read this. Then read this.
And then ask yourself, "Since when was ignorance a quality argument?"
"They deserve every black eye and every broken nose. Why? Because they choose to remain with the guy. ANYONE who chooses to remain with a beater deserves all that is coming to her."
(Bolded for emphasis)
Therein lies the flaw of Hades' entire argument. Sure, it's a choice to remain with the guy - but making that choice can be damn difficult.
Let me get a few myths straight.
Domestic violence (meaning abused men, women AND children) is not about violence. It's about control. The violence is merely a symptom of the need for one person to dominate someone else's life completely.
Calantha wrote:
"Anyway....since the abuser can make it hard enough for the victim to leave, it's worse when there are kids involved. I agree that such a home is not a place to raise children, but they are sometimes used as pawns in this conflict (ie "If you try to leave me, you'll never seen the kids again/I'll kill them.") No mother or father wants to hear that or let it happen. Stupid Catch-22, that's what it is. And sometimes the police don't do a damned thing to help."
That is true, but that's an advanced symptom. It usually starts a lot smaller. Persuading you to give up your job. Expressing a dislike for your friends. Making himself unpopular with your family. Then it spirals downwards. Cutting off your supply of money when you don't listen. Your friends don't talk to you because they can't stand your partner. Your family doesn't talk to you because they can't stand your partner.
Not so easy to leave your partner after your support network's been completely destroyed neh? Once that happens THEN the real abuse starts.
The sad part is, it doesn't start this way. Many domestic violence victims stay because they had a -very- good relationship at one point in the past. In fact, one telltale sign of domestic violence is the niceness-abuse-reform. The velvet glove covering the iron fist so to speak.
Hades writes:
"Women who choose the bad guy over the good deserve to have their skulls split open. I mean, why not? She had the choice, she made it. No one forced her to be with El Skull Busto with the "I DATE MY SISTER" tattoo. She chose it of her own free will. Surely she deserves whatever she gets."
Because abusers don't necessarily come with "I DATE MY SISTER" tattoos, any more than Ken Lay had a "I STEAL FROM ENRON" tattoo. Domestic abusers come in all shapes, sizes and forms. They cut across race, nationality, gender, and sexual orientation.
Life would be a lot simpler for me, professionally and privately, if people came with warning labels attached.
****
Don't take what I say as the gospel truth. Go do some research. The results may suprise you.
Sad thing is, at one stage, I did think a lot like Hades. It was only due to a fortutious encounter with the head of the Domestic Violence Unit of the San Jose Public Prosecutor's office that I even know as much as I do now.
I am sure Hades is well-intentioned, but this is the exact kind of thinking that should not be perpetuated. If we do, the abusers win. The abusers get their way because fewer people is unwilling be sympathetic.
YOU are the one with the choice. YOU are the one that can help. How will you choose?
And then ask yourself, "Since when was ignorance a quality argument?"
"They deserve every black eye and every broken nose. Why? Because they choose to remain with the guy. ANYONE who chooses to remain with a beater deserves all that is coming to her."
(Bolded for emphasis)
Therein lies the flaw of Hades' entire argument. Sure, it's a choice to remain with the guy - but making that choice can be damn difficult.
Let me get a few myths straight.
Domestic violence (meaning abused men, women AND children) is not about violence. It's about control. The violence is merely a symptom of the need for one person to dominate someone else's life completely.
Calantha wrote:
"Anyway....since the abuser can make it hard enough for the victim to leave, it's worse when there are kids involved. I agree that such a home is not a place to raise children, but they are sometimes used as pawns in this conflict (ie "If you try to leave me, you'll never seen the kids again/I'll kill them.") No mother or father wants to hear that or let it happen. Stupid Catch-22, that's what it is. And sometimes the police don't do a damned thing to help."
That is true, but that's an advanced symptom. It usually starts a lot smaller. Persuading you to give up your job. Expressing a dislike for your friends. Making himself unpopular with your family. Then it spirals downwards. Cutting off your supply of money when you don't listen. Your friends don't talk to you because they can't stand your partner. Your family doesn't talk to you because they can't stand your partner.
Not so easy to leave your partner after your support network's been completely destroyed neh? Once that happens THEN the real abuse starts.
The sad part is, it doesn't start this way. Many domestic violence victims stay because they had a -very- good relationship at one point in the past. In fact, one telltale sign of domestic violence is the niceness-abuse-reform. The velvet glove covering the iron fist so to speak.
Hades writes:
"Women who choose the bad guy over the good deserve to have their skulls split open. I mean, why not? She had the choice, she made it. No one forced her to be with El Skull Busto with the "I DATE MY SISTER" tattoo. She chose it of her own free will. Surely she deserves whatever she gets."
Because abusers don't necessarily come with "I DATE MY SISTER" tattoos, any more than Ken Lay had a "I STEAL FROM ENRON" tattoo. Domestic abusers come in all shapes, sizes and forms. They cut across race, nationality, gender, and sexual orientation.
Life would be a lot simpler for me, professionally and privately, if people came with warning labels attached.
****
Don't take what I say as the gospel truth. Go do some research. The results may suprise you.
Sad thing is, at one stage, I did think a lot like Hades. It was only due to a fortutious encounter with the head of the Domestic Violence Unit of the San Jose Public Prosecutor's office that I even know as much as I do now.
I am sure Hades is well-intentioned, but this is the exact kind of thinking that should not be perpetuated. If we do, the abusers win. The abusers get their way because fewer people is unwilling be sympathetic.
YOU are the one with the choice. YOU are the one that can help. How will you choose?
Monday, November 21, 2005
Schedules
The days are getting cold, and the nights colder. The leaves on trees turn brown and my knees hurt like the dickens at night and early in the morning. I complain incessantly to my wife about the cold. Her only response "Ohio will be colder." She gleefully shows me the weather report on Ohio.
Why's Ohio important? Cos I'm headed there over Thanksgiving. There is much fowl to be eaten and two ladies, two mischievious cats and a pair of wingless snow owls to be met. People from my wife's former life that I've never been involved with, until now. They (meaning the ladies, not the cats and snow owls) were gracious enough to fly me in. I hope I do not disappoint them. :D
On other news, I return 14th December to Singapore, and I fly back 6th Jan. I'll be happy to meet up with people that I've only managed to blog to, if you drop me a message at khaycelim-at-gmail-dot-com. I'm normally a lot more shy about these meetings, but I figured this would probably be my last and only chance to meet some of you - I probably won't be flying back next year until Dec 2006, if at all.
On other news, Tor has tagged me with a meme, which I will do once I've completed my cyberspace law paper. In truth, I could probably have scraped by with an easier topic, but I feel I need to take this one on. Much thanks to Huichieh actually, and his book recommendation Freakonomics. That was the inspiration for the angle on my paper.
P.S Shianux, if you are reading this, do a search on Boldrin and Levine. Everything I thought I knew about the economics behind IPR was wrong. Everything. God help us all.
Why's Ohio important? Cos I'm headed there over Thanksgiving. There is much fowl to be eaten and two ladies, two mischievious cats and a pair of wingless snow owls to be met. People from my wife's former life that I've never been involved with, until now. They (meaning the ladies, not the cats and snow owls) were gracious enough to fly me in. I hope I do not disappoint them. :D
On other news, I return 14th December to Singapore, and I fly back 6th Jan. I'll be happy to meet up with people that I've only managed to blog to, if you drop me a message at khaycelim-at-gmail-dot-com. I'm normally a lot more shy about these meetings, but I figured this would probably be my last and only chance to meet some of you - I probably won't be flying back next year until Dec 2006, if at all.
On other news, Tor has tagged me with a meme, which I will do once I've completed my cyberspace law paper. In truth, I could probably have scraped by with an easier topic, but I feel I need to take this one on. Much thanks to Huichieh actually, and his book recommendation Freakonomics. That was the inspiration for the angle on my paper.
P.S Shianux, if you are reading this, do a search on Boldrin and Levine. Everything I thought I knew about the economics behind IPR was wrong. Everything. God help us all.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
On Plastic and Wasabe Beef
Taking a break from my usual cook-eat-sleep-study routine to check out
some of my fav blogs, and I see this, this and this.
Let me state right upfront - I can't find it in me to condemn Dawn Yang for her behaviour. Furthermore, I do not believe Dawn Yang has done anything particularly deserving of the Singapore Blogs Lynch Mob.
The Cowboy's nailed most of the issues down - there's nothing wrong with having had plastic surgery, living a life of luxury, partying with pretty people nor having great press coverage.
There is one issue that bears examination. Dawn lied. At the very least, she coyly denies having had plastic surgery. This, I think, is the source of ire among the Singapore blogosphere. She lied. She cheated. She deserves to be taken down.
Doesn't she?
----
I asked those questions to tell you this story.
Last Friday, I was rushing from class to my MPRE exam - 25 miles away from where I study. I was already running late and I had to grab lunch from the school cafeteria. I don't normally have lunch there - the food there is way too expensive, but I hadn't had time to pack my homecooked lunch on Friday on account of studying for my exam. So I paid too much for a wasabi beef sandwich, and ran out.
On the way out of the cafeteria, I heard my sandwich go "splat". There it lay, on the ground where pigeons pooped, men trampled and rainwater collected.
I almost cried.
The first thing that crossed my mind was how I couldn't afford another sandwich. I probably could have, but I was afraid that with this "waste" I would somehow be depriving myself of vitally important money down the road. Plus, I knew I wouldn't have the time to queue for another sandwich.
So, feeling like an absolute fool, I scooped it up. Except I didn't eat it straight away. I made to dispose of part of the sandwich into the bin, but retained most of it. I travelled a bit of distance from the cafeteria before I tucked into my soggy, dirty sandwich.
I deceived the crowd around me that I'd disposed of the sandwich when I didn't, because I felt I had to. Heaven forbid if anyone I knew saw me do what I did. I was ashamed that I had to resort to eating something off the ground. So I lied to everyone around me. Most of all, I lied to myself.
---
Yes, Dawn Yang probably should not have tried to play it coy with the truth. Yet, I recall my wasabe sandwich and I just cannot find it within myself to condemn her. Judging by the reaction in the blogosphere, I'd say she was spot-on about her intuition - that people react to plastic surgery, wealth and popularity like it connotes some character flaw.
Put another way - if she weren't rich, popular and pretty, would we even give a $#!+?
I don't know what her reasons are for wanting to mislead, but I'm fairly sure she has her reasons. Regardless of the legitimacy of her reasons, I believe she is entitled to some level of human weakness.
For in the end, are we all not human?
some of my fav blogs, and I see this, this and this.
Let me state right upfront - I can't find it in me to condemn Dawn Yang for her behaviour. Furthermore, I do not believe Dawn Yang has done anything particularly deserving of the Singapore Blogs Lynch Mob.
The Cowboy's nailed most of the issues down - there's nothing wrong with having had plastic surgery, living a life of luxury, partying with pretty people nor having great press coverage.
There is one issue that bears examination. Dawn lied. At the very least, she coyly denies having had plastic surgery. This, I think, is the source of ire among the Singapore blogosphere. She lied. She cheated. She deserves to be taken down.
Doesn't she?
----
I asked those questions to tell you this story.
Last Friday, I was rushing from class to my MPRE exam - 25 miles away from where I study. I was already running late and I had to grab lunch from the school cafeteria. I don't normally have lunch there - the food there is way too expensive, but I hadn't had time to pack my homecooked lunch on Friday on account of studying for my exam. So I paid too much for a wasabi beef sandwich, and ran out.
On the way out of the cafeteria, I heard my sandwich go "splat". There it lay, on the ground where pigeons pooped, men trampled and rainwater collected.
I almost cried.
The first thing that crossed my mind was how I couldn't afford another sandwich. I probably could have, but I was afraid that with this "waste" I would somehow be depriving myself of vitally important money down the road. Plus, I knew I wouldn't have the time to queue for another sandwich.
So, feeling like an absolute fool, I scooped it up. Except I didn't eat it straight away. I made to dispose of part of the sandwich into the bin, but retained most of it. I travelled a bit of distance from the cafeteria before I tucked into my soggy, dirty sandwich.
I deceived the crowd around me that I'd disposed of the sandwich when I didn't, because I felt I had to. Heaven forbid if anyone I knew saw me do what I did. I was ashamed that I had to resort to eating something off the ground. So I lied to everyone around me. Most of all, I lied to myself.
---
Yes, Dawn Yang probably should not have tried to play it coy with the truth. Yet, I recall my wasabe sandwich and I just cannot find it within myself to condemn her. Judging by the reaction in the blogosphere, I'd say she was spot-on about her intuition - that people react to plastic surgery, wealth and popularity like it connotes some character flaw.
Put another way - if she weren't rich, popular and pretty, would we even give a $#!+?
I don't know what her reasons are for wanting to mislead, but I'm fairly sure she has her reasons. Regardless of the legitimacy of her reasons, I believe she is entitled to some level of human weakness.
For in the end, are we all not human?
Friday, November 04, 2005
Yay Me
Pardon the long silences. Between cranky school computers and travelling a hundred miles a day, I've had very little opportunity to update people on my situation. I am glad to say that the situation is remedied by the purchase of a slightly-used laptop.
I am currently studying for my MPRE, which is a component of getting called to the California Bar. People tell me its easy. I don't believe them - hence my nigh-religious mugging and neglect of all important things, blogging included.
One thing I have noticed about law school in America. It feels like I'm back in NUS. The more things change, the more they stay the same. The mass hysteria to join large firms, check. Leaving assignments to the last minute, check. Having way too many activities to reasonably choose from, double check.
More later. Finishing up a mock MPRE exam.
I am currently studying for my MPRE, which is a component of getting called to the California Bar. People tell me its easy. I don't believe them - hence my nigh-religious mugging and neglect of all important things, blogging included.
One thing I have noticed about law school in America. It feels like I'm back in NUS. The more things change, the more they stay the same. The mass hysteria to join large firms, check. Leaving assignments to the last minute, check. Having way too many activities to reasonably choose from, double check.
More later. Finishing up a mock MPRE exam.
Friday, October 21, 2005
On the Road Again
Before I begin this post proper, let me say what a pleasure it is to be accused of murder by Mr Wang. Go read, quite fun.
Driving a 100 miles a day gives you plenty of radio time. With increased exposure to music, combined with my propensity towards aural learning, means I get Last Song Syndrome a lot. It's generally not unpleasant.
However, some days, it becomes more than pleasant. Some days it takes over your life, hits you just there, and leaves you gasping for breath. Some days it becomes your personal soundtrack, and you wonder if the music is the message you've been looking for.
"I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark."
- Listen to Your Heart, DHT and Edmee
I'm not much of a Roxette fan. I think the female lead for Roxette sounds way too harsh for their rendition of "Listen to Your Heart", and I don't think the way Roxette oversynthesizes their music does justice to the song.
I first heard the DHL version a day ago. Today, at 7 am, on my way to class, I heard it again. I heard it one last time at 8 pm, on the way back from classes. Each time, the raw simplicity of piano + voice left me breathless. There's a raw honest simplicity in music that dares to use rests in music as an invitation to fill the music with my own thoughts and personal experiences.
It is, however, the voice that truly carried the song. Clean, clear, powerful, yet so very...real. As if the song wasn't really sung and broadcast on radio, but sung by a dear friend, right beside me.
I swear, I even identified the friend. And as I named the friend, the voice changed again, and I heard in the song another friend's voice. Then another. Then another.
They all sang together, and magically blended together, for the voice in the song was the song of EveryWoman. I found myself missing these friends in Singapore terribly. The names I ran through weren't the people I had expected to miss, but I did. Even as the song ended, the feeling of loss remained.
Your mind may play tricks on you, but your heart always knows who it misses.
Driving a 100 miles a day gives you plenty of radio time. With increased exposure to music, combined with my propensity towards aural learning, means I get Last Song Syndrome a lot. It's generally not unpleasant.
However, some days, it becomes more than pleasant. Some days it takes over your life, hits you just there, and leaves you gasping for breath. Some days it becomes your personal soundtrack, and you wonder if the music is the message you've been looking for.
"I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark."
- Listen to Your Heart, DHT and Edmee
I'm not much of a Roxette fan. I think the female lead for Roxette sounds way too harsh for their rendition of "Listen to Your Heart", and I don't think the way Roxette oversynthesizes their music does justice to the song.
I first heard the DHL version a day ago. Today, at 7 am, on my way to class, I heard it again. I heard it one last time at 8 pm, on the way back from classes. Each time, the raw simplicity of piano + voice left me breathless. There's a raw honest simplicity in music that dares to use rests in music as an invitation to fill the music with my own thoughts and personal experiences.
It is, however, the voice that truly carried the song. Clean, clear, powerful, yet so very...real. As if the song wasn't really sung and broadcast on radio, but sung by a dear friend, right beside me.
I swear, I even identified the friend. And as I named the friend, the voice changed again, and I heard in the song another friend's voice. Then another. Then another.
They all sang together, and magically blended together, for the voice in the song was the song of EveryWoman. I found myself missing these friends in Singapore terribly. The names I ran through weren't the people I had expected to miss, but I did. Even as the song ended, the feeling of loss remained.
Your mind may play tricks on you, but your heart always knows who it misses.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Zhng My Books
I am -such- a geek. Given a choice between zhnging my car and zhnging my books, I'd almost always pick the latter.
Hence, I am extremely appreciative of living in Berkeley. One of the perks of living in Berkeley is that you're in a place where cool authors visit. One of the downsides of -studying- in Santa Clara while -living- in Berkeley is that you're usually away when that happens.
In September, Cody's, a bookstore 15 minutes walk away from my house, brought in Neil Gaiman -AND- Terry Pratchett. Except on both the days they were around, I wasn't. At least, I -think- I wasn't. I didn't even remember they were popping by.
To make matters worse, I had none of my Pratchett books with me, and I don't own a single Gaiman book. Yeap, not a single one. Not American Gods. Not Anansi Boys. Not Neverwhere. Not a single Sandman comic. No book zhnging. Damn.
I figured body autographs were just out of the question anyway.
Well, at least Lois McMaster Bujold will be popping by in October. Hopefully I'll be able to catch her.
Anyone wishing to pledge their firstborn/sell an organ/donate to my non-existent scholarship fund in exchange for zhnged (Read: Autographed) books are very welcome to email me at khaycelim-at-gmail-dot-com. Perks for those who know me. I'm good that way.
P.S I saw an autographed copy of Anansi Boys still available at Cody's I think. Pre-zhnged books. Anyone wants?
Hence, I am extremely appreciative of living in Berkeley. One of the perks of living in Berkeley is that you're in a place where cool authors visit. One of the downsides of -studying- in Santa Clara while -living- in Berkeley is that you're usually away when that happens.
In September, Cody's, a bookstore 15 minutes walk away from my house, brought in Neil Gaiman -AND- Terry Pratchett. Except on both the days they were around, I wasn't. At least, I -think- I wasn't. I didn't even remember they were popping by.
To make matters worse, I had none of my Pratchett books with me, and I don't own a single Gaiman book. Yeap, not a single one. Not American Gods. Not Anansi Boys. Not Neverwhere. Not a single Sandman comic. No book zhnging. Damn.
I figured body autographs were just out of the question anyway.
Well, at least Lois McMaster Bujold will be popping by in October. Hopefully I'll be able to catch her.
Anyone wishing to pledge their firstborn/sell an organ/donate to my non-existent scholarship fund in exchange for zhnged (Read: Autographed) books are very welcome to email me at khaycelim-at-gmail-dot-com. Perks for those who know me. I'm good that way.
P.S I saw an autographed copy of Anansi Boys still available at Cody's I think. Pre-zhnged books. Anyone wants?
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
I Am That Guy
I am the blogger that started blogging as an intllectual experiment, and continued blogging because it must be done.
I am the child who shattered the glass doors of our brand new radio set. I am the child who destroyed our main sliding doors, also made of glass. I am the child who got his hands tied up by rafia string. I am the child that slipped those bonds and proceeded to destroy yet another household item in the process.
I am the brother who is forever guilty of all the blessings I have that my brother does not. I am the son who is forever angry at the lies my parents told me for my own good, and yet still love them very much. I am the husband that often feels inadequate because he can't promise anything in his future for his wife.
I am the driver that drove drove down the wrong side of a road at 2 a.m at night, until my passengers screamed.
I was the Christian that left church because of accusations that I was a Satan worshipper. I was the Christian that could not believe my buddist parents would go to Hell. I am the Christian that could not believe that Lord of the Rings, Dungeons and Dragons and Harry Potter are works of the Devil. I am the Christian that could not believe God was so heartless to allow men to rule the Church.
I am the soldier that thought he was going to die. I am the soldier that thought he was going to get charged. I am the soldier that somehow muddled through all that without a scratch.
I am the ACS boy who spoke mandarin, plays the chinese flute and watched mandarin serials. I was the ACS boy that all other boys picked on. I am the man who never understood to this day why boys can be so cruel to each other, and yet is so very appreciative of the strength that these experiences have given me.
I am the stuttering debator, the actor doomed for supporting roles, the dysgraphic writer, the singer that does not read music. I am the flawed artist, the incomplete creator, so grateful for every opportunity to create.
I am that guy.
I am the child who shattered the glass doors of our brand new radio set. I am the child who destroyed our main sliding doors, also made of glass. I am the child who got his hands tied up by rafia string. I am the child that slipped those bonds and proceeded to destroy yet another household item in the process.
I am the brother who is forever guilty of all the blessings I have that my brother does not. I am the son who is forever angry at the lies my parents told me for my own good, and yet still love them very much. I am the husband that often feels inadequate because he can't promise anything in his future for his wife.
I am the driver that drove drove down the wrong side of a road at 2 a.m at night, until my passengers screamed.
I was the Christian that left church because of accusations that I was a Satan worshipper. I was the Christian that could not believe my buddist parents would go to Hell. I am the Christian that could not believe that Lord of the Rings, Dungeons and Dragons and Harry Potter are works of the Devil. I am the Christian that could not believe God was so heartless to allow men to rule the Church.
I am the soldier that thought he was going to die. I am the soldier that thought he was going to get charged. I am the soldier that somehow muddled through all that without a scratch.
I am the ACS boy who spoke mandarin, plays the chinese flute and watched mandarin serials. I was the ACS boy that all other boys picked on. I am the man who never understood to this day why boys can be so cruel to each other, and yet is so very appreciative of the strength that these experiences have given me.
I am the stuttering debator, the actor doomed for supporting roles, the dysgraphic writer, the singer that does not read music. I am the flawed artist, the incomplete creator, so grateful for every opportunity to create.
I am that guy.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Tagged. I'm it. Again.
Since I got tagged twice by Dawn and Gloria, I will attempt to finish this 20 questions in less than 1 minute so that I can not tag anyone at all.
20 Random Facts about yourself.
1. I've been RPing for 22 years
2. I started with D&D and moved on to Marvel Super Heroes.
3. FPS games give me vertigo.
4. Heights give me vertigo.
5. I'm now into my fifth collection of game dice.
6. I've painted exactly one miniature in my life.
7. I play the chinese flute.
8. I read notes in numbers - a result from playing the chinese flute.
9. Reading notes in numbers ensured a short a capella career for me.
10. I almost joined Singapore Idol.
11. The reason I didn't join was because I knew I was going to be in California soon.
12. I detest giant robots.
13. Except Transformers. Transformers are cool.
14. I have over 20 teddy bears.
15. I have over 5 seperate colonies of teddy bears.
16. I can sing almost any 80's cartoon theme song, word for word.
17. One of my favourite songs happens to be the theme song for the sitcom, "Growing Pains".
18. I can't take Mary-Kay and Ashley Olsen seriously cos I remember them from the time they were babies in "Just the Ten of Us."
19. Dysfunctional people fascinate me.
20. I can swear in 5 different languages.
Darn. 2 minutes. I tag Edward Yong and Slinky.
20 Random Facts about yourself.
1. I've been RPing for 22 years
2. I started with D&D and moved on to Marvel Super Heroes.
3. FPS games give me vertigo.
4. Heights give me vertigo.
5. I'm now into my fifth collection of game dice.
6. I've painted exactly one miniature in my life.
7. I play the chinese flute.
8. I read notes in numbers - a result from playing the chinese flute.
9. Reading notes in numbers ensured a short a capella career for me.
10. I almost joined Singapore Idol.
11. The reason I didn't join was because I knew I was going to be in California soon.
12. I detest giant robots.
13. Except Transformers. Transformers are cool.
14. I have over 20 teddy bears.
15. I have over 5 seperate colonies of teddy bears.
16. I can sing almost any 80's cartoon theme song, word for word.
17. One of my favourite songs happens to be the theme song for the sitcom, "Growing Pains".
18. I can't take Mary-Kay and Ashley Olsen seriously cos I remember them from the time they were babies in "Just the Ten of Us."
19. Dysfunctional people fascinate me.
20. I can swear in 5 different languages.
Darn. 2 minutes. I tag Edward Yong and Slinky.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Freedom of Speech
The beauty of freedom of speech is that, even if you say exactly the same thing that you would say without freedom of speech, what you say becomes that much more significant.
There are tons of subjects I could write on. Seditious bloggers. Comparisons with US and Singapore law. More whining about living in the States and how expensive it is. Today will be no whining, no commentary, no intellectual discourse. Yes, these things matter to me, but there's one thing above all that matters most.
On this day, a year ago, we threw a great big party, knelt a lot before relatives I rarely met, and had a grand old time.
Fast forward a year from now. My wife and I just shared a wonderful, home-cooked dinner (wonderful, because I made it) of cream pasta, and blackberry pie. We toasted each other in our coffee mugs of water, ate off metal and pyrex plates and rickety Dollar Shop cutlery. I couldn't be more grateful. We've kept our promises to each other.
Of all the things that I could say, this is the most significant.
"Happy 1st Anniversary, dear."
There are tons of subjects I could write on. Seditious bloggers. Comparisons with US and Singapore law. More whining about living in the States and how expensive it is. Today will be no whining, no commentary, no intellectual discourse. Yes, these things matter to me, but there's one thing above all that matters most.
On this day, a year ago, we threw a great big party, knelt a lot before relatives I rarely met, and had a grand old time.
Fast forward a year from now. My wife and I just shared a wonderful, home-cooked dinner (wonderful, because I made it) of cream pasta, and blackberry pie. We toasted each other in our coffee mugs of water, ate off metal and pyrex plates and rickety Dollar Shop cutlery. I couldn't be more grateful. We've kept our promises to each other.
Of all the things that I could say, this is the most significant.
"Happy 1st Anniversary, dear."
Saturday, September 03, 2005
The Future is not Future-Proof
During lunch on Thursday, I had a chat with one of my LLM classmates. She asked me what I was doing in Santa Clara when I didn't have (i) a scholarship and (ii) sponsorship for my degree.
In my head there was only one answer. "My future."
That would have been the simple and misleading answer - it would have raised assumptions that I was here to improve my career prospects, and I'm not -solely- here to advance my career.
I told her as much of the story as I felt I needed to. I told her about my wife coming here for 5 years. I told her that leaving her for 5 years was unthinkable. I told her that it was a small sacrifice to leave my job and come here to improve myself. I told her about how I was here on savings and family money, and how I needed to ration my money. I told her about how guilty I felt about taking family money, and how important it was for me to do well in school. I told her all this and I realise now that this was still misleading.
I can't tell her the full story, because I'm not sure I know the full story - and it's my story to boot.
My wife is here for 5 years. That's the only constant I have for the next 5 years. If I am truly as future oriented as Mr Wang makes Ennegram 5 types out to be, I should not, rationally, have made this trip. Yet, here I am. I don't know what is going to happen after my LLM ends.
Yet, it is the future-orientation that drove me to this decision - when loved ones are apart, they grow apart. It is natural. They lack shared experiences. I cannot imagine being apart from my wife for 5 years. She will be a different woman when she returns. I will be a different man.
My wife had a wonderful opportunity to do what she wanted in Berkeley. She would have been foolish to turn it down, and I know that if she turned it down it would have affected our relationship - I know she wouldn't blame me, but I would blame myself for causing her to miss this chance. It was for her future that I am here. It was for our future that I am here. But what about my future? What am I to do here?
I often overstate my case when I say I sacrificed a promising career in law to be with my wife. The truth is probably that I sacrificed a career in law to be with my wife - the way I see it, there is nothing promising left about legal practice in Singapore. The market has played itself out. Sure, there will be adjustments over the long term, but these adjustments, logically, affect those without the wealth and power to protect themselves, i.e, young lawyers like myself.
In short, I've seen my future in Singapore legal practice, and I do not like it.
I have, in effect, only one choice left - wipe the slate clean, and see what other possibilities I can develop. That decision was what lead me here. I did not like my future, and I've done what I can to change it. In many ways, I'm -still- doing what I can to change it.
I now count pennies to make sure that my money lasts - I am afraid that spending on luxuries now will mean not having money for rent and food later. I wake up early mornings and commute from Berkeley to Santa Clara - 98 miles there and back daily. I read my cases. I study, and return home to cook, clean and sleep. I'd like to tell myself I'm studying hard, and my classmates are impressed with my dilligence, but I always feel like I should be doing more. I know I goof off to blog, comment, and play computer games.
I don't know what will happen to me in a year's time. That's the scariest thing that I've ever done. In a year's time, if I don't get a job, it will mean choosing between leaving my wife and taking more family money to continue studies. Either way, I will have lost on my own terms.
Perhaps that is what drives me now - not knowing what the future will bring. This drive, this bundle of love/guilt/hope, this feeling and knowing in your heart that tomorrow will bring something better, this small prayer that I'm not just in self-denial, that's what drives me.
My future.
In my head there was only one answer. "My future."
That would have been the simple and misleading answer - it would have raised assumptions that I was here to improve my career prospects, and I'm not -solely- here to advance my career.
I told her as much of the story as I felt I needed to. I told her about my wife coming here for 5 years. I told her that leaving her for 5 years was unthinkable. I told her that it was a small sacrifice to leave my job and come here to improve myself. I told her about how I was here on savings and family money, and how I needed to ration my money. I told her about how guilty I felt about taking family money, and how important it was for me to do well in school. I told her all this and I realise now that this was still misleading.
I can't tell her the full story, because I'm not sure I know the full story - and it's my story to boot.
My wife is here for 5 years. That's the only constant I have for the next 5 years. If I am truly as future oriented as Mr Wang makes Ennegram 5 types out to be, I should not, rationally, have made this trip. Yet, here I am. I don't know what is going to happen after my LLM ends.
Yet, it is the future-orientation that drove me to this decision - when loved ones are apart, they grow apart. It is natural. They lack shared experiences. I cannot imagine being apart from my wife for 5 years. She will be a different woman when she returns. I will be a different man.
My wife had a wonderful opportunity to do what she wanted in Berkeley. She would have been foolish to turn it down, and I know that if she turned it down it would have affected our relationship - I know she wouldn't blame me, but I would blame myself for causing her to miss this chance. It was for her future that I am here. It was for our future that I am here. But what about my future? What am I to do here?
I often overstate my case when I say I sacrificed a promising career in law to be with my wife. The truth is probably that I sacrificed a career in law to be with my wife - the way I see it, there is nothing promising left about legal practice in Singapore. The market has played itself out. Sure, there will be adjustments over the long term, but these adjustments, logically, affect those without the wealth and power to protect themselves, i.e, young lawyers like myself.
In short, I've seen my future in Singapore legal practice, and I do not like it.
I have, in effect, only one choice left - wipe the slate clean, and see what other possibilities I can develop. That decision was what lead me here. I did not like my future, and I've done what I can to change it. In many ways, I'm -still- doing what I can to change it.
I now count pennies to make sure that my money lasts - I am afraid that spending on luxuries now will mean not having money for rent and food later. I wake up early mornings and commute from Berkeley to Santa Clara - 98 miles there and back daily. I read my cases. I study, and return home to cook, clean and sleep. I'd like to tell myself I'm studying hard, and my classmates are impressed with my dilligence, but I always feel like I should be doing more. I know I goof off to blog, comment, and play computer games.
I don't know what will happen to me in a year's time. That's the scariest thing that I've ever done. In a year's time, if I don't get a job, it will mean choosing between leaving my wife and taking more family money to continue studies. Either way, I will have lost on my own terms.
Perhaps that is what drives me now - not knowing what the future will bring. This drive, this bundle of love/guilt/hope, this feeling and knowing in your heart that tomorrow will bring something better, this small prayer that I'm not just in self-denial, that's what drives me.
My future.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Manberries of Titanium Steel
I'm not dead yet.
On August 25, 2005, I wrote a whiny post about turning 29 in a foreign country. It was essentially a complaint about turning 30 in a year's time and my bitchy friends not letting me forget it. My non-bitchy friends did not let me forget it too, but since they were (i) nice to me (ii) threw me a party and/or (iii) fed me, I'm all good about them. They know which category they're in.
That post will never see light of day. It's not right. I should have more manberries than that.
****
"There are two types of balls: there are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls."
- Bullet Proof Tony, played by Vinnie Jones, Snatch.
****
I'm a student, and I'm funded through savings and family money. If I don't find work, I won't have luxuries but I won't starve. Not this dude. This dude has serious, diamond-hard, basketball-sized manberries. My own manberries feel puny and mushy in comparison.
He delivers pizza to make ends meet. He sleeps in a room with no heat under a large pile of blankets. He does all this, and he doesn't mind because he wants to make things better.
Now THAT is a Jim Braddock right there.
On August 25, 2005, I wrote a whiny post about turning 29 in a foreign country. It was essentially a complaint about turning 30 in a year's time and my bitchy friends not letting me forget it. My non-bitchy friends did not let me forget it too, but since they were (i) nice to me (ii) threw me a party and/or (iii) fed me, I'm all good about them. They know which category they're in.
That post will never see light of day. It's not right. I should have more manberries than that.
****
"There are two types of balls: there are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls."
- Bullet Proof Tony, played by Vinnie Jones, Snatch.
****
I'm a student, and I'm funded through savings and family money. If I don't find work, I won't have luxuries but I won't starve. Not this dude. This dude has serious, diamond-hard, basketball-sized manberries. My own manberries feel puny and mushy in comparison.
He delivers pizza to make ends meet. He sleeps in a room with no heat under a large pile of blankets. He does all this, and he doesn't mind because he wants to make things better.
Now THAT is a Jim Braddock right there.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Cabbage Soup
The last of the IKEA furniture has been assembled. I'm settling down to a new routine of commute-study-household chores. This was the first weekend I've had since my wife arrived where I could kick back, relax and enjoy a peaceful Sunday.
The wife and I spent a bit of time tidying up the house - with the new furniture and tasks, we had to do more, but it was nothing we couldn't manage. The wife has obviously had more experience living alone than I do and it showed through her breakdown of the household chores. Another reason I am glad to have her around.
I experimented this week with making soup - Sunday afternoon, I made chinese cabbage soup. My first attempt was bland to say the least. After consulting with my mom about her recipe, I found the ingredient for making the soup base. Boiled soy beans.
Hence, I tried it out this week - and it worked. It tasted almost as good as the ones that I used to have back in Singapore, and I added some stuff that I liked and were not part of the original recipe - beef (taboo in my house), mushrooms and carrots. It was a good meal.
After the end of the meal, I sliced up half a watermelon, and I suddenly had waves of nostalgia for Singapore. Watermelon after a good chinese cabbage soup meal was something bordering on a family tradition - and the tastes brought back memories of Singapore.
Strange how a familiar taste can evoke memories like that.
The wife and I spent a bit of time tidying up the house - with the new furniture and tasks, we had to do more, but it was nothing we couldn't manage. The wife has obviously had more experience living alone than I do and it showed through her breakdown of the household chores. Another reason I am glad to have her around.
I experimented this week with making soup - Sunday afternoon, I made chinese cabbage soup. My first attempt was bland to say the least. After consulting with my mom about her recipe, I found the ingredient for making the soup base. Boiled soy beans.
Hence, I tried it out this week - and it worked. It tasted almost as good as the ones that I used to have back in Singapore, and I added some stuff that I liked and were not part of the original recipe - beef (taboo in my house), mushrooms and carrots. It was a good meal.
After the end of the meal, I sliced up half a watermelon, and I suddenly had waves of nostalgia for Singapore. Watermelon after a good chinese cabbage soup meal was something bordering on a family tradition - and the tastes brought back memories of Singapore.
Strange how a familiar taste can evoke memories like that.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Changes
No incisive commentary today unfortunately.
My wife has finally arrived. We have spent the last few days assembling furniture and generally getting my spartan apartment furnished and homely. My hands are worn to stubs from twisting one too many allen keys, and my body aches from carrying over 500 lbs of furniture. Admittedly, 300 of those 500 lbs were delivered, but STILL...
I've been having a good time feeding my wife the various dishes I've mastered over the two month's I've spent here. Work is hard, but we're doing well.
Oh, and I've gone through a major life change. Better to show you.
What better way to feel the California breeze?
My wife has finally arrived. We have spent the last few days assembling furniture and generally getting my spartan apartment furnished and homely. My hands are worn to stubs from twisting one too many allen keys, and my body aches from carrying over 500 lbs of furniture. Admittedly, 300 of those 500 lbs were delivered, but STILL...
I've been having a good time feeding my wife the various dishes I've mastered over the two month's I've spent here. Work is hard, but we're doing well.
Oh, and I've gone through a major life change. Better to show you.
What better way to feel the California breeze?
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Cinderella Nation
"I have to believe I got some kind of say over our lives. When things are bad we can do something about it, make things better for our family."
- James Braddock, as played by Russell Crowe, "Cinderella Man"
I do not believe a country that decides what's best for its people. I believe that people decides what's best for its country.
Like a looming shadow, we, the citizens of Singapore, have seen our lives become increasingly complicated, increasingly expensive, increasingly insecure. We have seen men we trusted tap on our trust, in exchange for gold. We have seen the waking of the giants of the Orient, and the waves that have come crashing down on this little midget of an island.
But we are still alive. While we are alive, we can still make history.
During the Great Depression, an over-the-hill boxer, Jim Braddock, boxed with a shattered right hand. Against all odds, he won a grueling 15 round match to become the heavyweight champion of the world. He did not fight for glory, fame or riches.
He fought to buy milk for his kids.
People call the Singapore blogosphere infantile. I don't. I scan Singapore blogs and I see Jim Braddocks. The everyman, beating back demons in their lives with quiet dignity and compassion. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult life must be for some of these bloggers. Yet, these men and women still have smiles, and share them freely. They share their stories because they have a story to tell.
These stories are often fairy tales. True, people often get killed in fairy tales, but so do dragons.
The story of Singapore is a fairy tale, but the men and women responsible are often forgot. Not the statesmen, the politicians, the wealthy. The everyman that carried the bricks, laid the mortar, clawed at the earth in search of a better life for their families. These everymen remind me that no politician, statesman or leader, no evil looming shadow, no twisted complication can grant us that which we already have, nor take away that which they cannot - our dignity, our compassion, our love for family, and our willingness to bear any hardship for their sake.
Happy National Day, Singaporeans.
- James Braddock, as played by Russell Crowe, "Cinderella Man"
I do not believe a country that decides what's best for its people. I believe that people decides what's best for its country.
Like a looming shadow, we, the citizens of Singapore, have seen our lives become increasingly complicated, increasingly expensive, increasingly insecure. We have seen men we trusted tap on our trust, in exchange for gold. We have seen the waking of the giants of the Orient, and the waves that have come crashing down on this little midget of an island.
But we are still alive. While we are alive, we can still make history.
During the Great Depression, an over-the-hill boxer, Jim Braddock, boxed with a shattered right hand. Against all odds, he won a grueling 15 round match to become the heavyweight champion of the world. He did not fight for glory, fame or riches.
He fought to buy milk for his kids.
People call the Singapore blogosphere infantile. I don't. I scan Singapore blogs and I see Jim Braddocks. The everyman, beating back demons in their lives with quiet dignity and compassion. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult life must be for some of these bloggers. Yet, these men and women still have smiles, and share them freely. They share their stories because they have a story to tell.
These stories are often fairy tales. True, people often get killed in fairy tales, but so do dragons.
The story of Singapore is a fairy tale, but the men and women responsible are often forgot. Not the statesmen, the politicians, the wealthy. The everyman that carried the bricks, laid the mortar, clawed at the earth in search of a better life for their families. These everymen remind me that no politician, statesman or leader, no evil looming shadow, no twisted complication can grant us that which we already have, nor take away that which they cannot - our dignity, our compassion, our love for family, and our willingness to bear any hardship for their sake.
Happy National Day, Singaporeans.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
The Kangaroo and the Rabbit
The summer's almost over. The fall session starts in two weeks. From now till then, I have some well-earned time off.
My summer session has been fantastic. My LLM classmates are a hoot. More importantly, I got an overview of US Law - and learnt to see Singapore's legal system with fresh eyes. Learning about US Law through the eyes of a Singapore lawyer is the mental equivalent of seeing a kangaroo and picturing a rabbit.
You know sometime a couple of million years ago they shared an ancestor. You can even see the common features. Yet, somehow, you can't seem to grapple with the fact that many legal terms you take for granted mean something absolutely different, or are approached completely differently.
I have started to grow to respect US lawyers. Yes, they have a reputation for being ambulance chasers and aggressive beyond reason - in some cases this is well-deserved. Yet, during my course of study, I find that even 1st year US Law students have to deal with a level of complexity that just isn't found in our single-city state. The multiplicity of different ways of thinking by the law - created because each of the 50 states is, in fact, a sovereign - creates a dynamic and culture that is just not found here.
At the heart of it, it is being comfortable with uncertainty.
Singapore laws are, at their heart, stable. Singapore legislative drafting is generally overinclusive - this cannot be done in the US by virtue of the Constitution, itself a vague document. US case law often cross-germinates, and judicial ideas get tossed around, exchanged, and incorporated - what happens once in a case does not always get repeated.
More importantly, the litigious society that America is has one great impact - there is a mechanism, at least, for the people here to air their grievances. I find no such safety valve in Singapore. Here, at least, I can advise my client to lobby the legislature and sincerely mean it.
I worry for the day where a pipe in Singapore's social structure bursts. I doubt it will be a dramatic event. Rather, like a small pipe bursting in a large house, the effects will only be felt when one ignores the burst pipe long enough.
My summer session has been fantastic. My LLM classmates are a hoot. More importantly, I got an overview of US Law - and learnt to see Singapore's legal system with fresh eyes. Learning about US Law through the eyes of a Singapore lawyer is the mental equivalent of seeing a kangaroo and picturing a rabbit.
You know sometime a couple of million years ago they shared an ancestor. You can even see the common features. Yet, somehow, you can't seem to grapple with the fact that many legal terms you take for granted mean something absolutely different, or are approached completely differently.
I have started to grow to respect US lawyers. Yes, they have a reputation for being ambulance chasers and aggressive beyond reason - in some cases this is well-deserved. Yet, during my course of study, I find that even 1st year US Law students have to deal with a level of complexity that just isn't found in our single-city state. The multiplicity of different ways of thinking by the law - created because each of the 50 states is, in fact, a sovereign - creates a dynamic and culture that is just not found here.
At the heart of it, it is being comfortable with uncertainty.
Singapore laws are, at their heart, stable. Singapore legislative drafting is generally overinclusive - this cannot be done in the US by virtue of the Constitution, itself a vague document. US case law often cross-germinates, and judicial ideas get tossed around, exchanged, and incorporated - what happens once in a case does not always get repeated.
More importantly, the litigious society that America is has one great impact - there is a mechanism, at least, for the people here to air their grievances. I find no such safety valve in Singapore. Here, at least, I can advise my client to lobby the legislature and sincerely mean it.
I worry for the day where a pipe in Singapore's social structure bursts. I doubt it will be a dramatic event. Rather, like a small pipe bursting in a large house, the effects will only be felt when one ignores the burst pipe long enough.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
So You Wanna Be a Game Designer?
Gamespot is running an article on how to become a game designer. It's not easy.
Then again, many things in life worth doing are not easy.
Then again, many things in life worth doing are not easy.
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