Thursday, December 15, 2005

Surrealism

I never expected homecoming to be so surreal. I'm not even sure that "homecoming" is the right term.

My old room was exactly as I left it when I made my trip six months ago. My books. My graduation photos. My stuffed animals. All of them where right where I left them - less the ones I took with me to California. The absences were conspicious. Someone had ripped the most important parts of my life from my old room, and that someone was I.

I met up with friends from my old firm this afternoon. My old supervising partner looked pale and overworked. My friend told me about his recent hospital visit. My friend was busy and overworked. We met up with another old friend who has since moved on to another firm. We talked like I had never left. I missed them greatly.

Tonight, I suprised AC Drama with my appearance at their dance recital. After the recital we talked as if I had never left - about what I had done since I left. I talked about the time I had spent in my LLM program, about the freedom I had there. I talked about my schoolmates. I talked about how humbling, yet inspiring, my experiences have been. We made plans to meet. I missed them greatly.

There is more, of course. I learnt what the price of friendship was this afternoon. It was from someone I missed greatly, but I just cannot face right now. I pray that one day this person will understand all I ever wanted was to be able to face him without disappointment, and I cannot even do that. I shall miss him greatly.

Somehow, I'm home but I'm not. I've only returned to the life that I've left behind, and everyone else has moved on. I cannot help but feel disappointment, yet I have no right to. Somewhere, through the haze of jetlag and disappointment, the impact of being caught between 2 homes has yet to sink in.

It has however, landed the first cut.

12 comments:

Chuang Shyue Chou said...

Brian is back I think. Let me know when you want to meet up. Maybe for coffee? Food?

Let me know.

BlackRX said...

It is said that the only constant in life is change. But we often do such a poor job of noticing and realizing when and how people change, that they have moved on, that life as we know it is different. Every now and then someone tells me, "People change; I have changed, too." By then, I know it is too late, and am left to pick up the pieces.

Don't let this happen to you over the next five years -- go back home as often as you can. It is Homecoming, but also every bit what you have brought back with you, and every bit what you want to take away from it, memories and all.

Slinky said...

You're where I will be, and it's quite unnerving. I know what you mean about coming home and knowing that although you're picking up where you left off, everyone else has moved on. I can see it already. Sigh.

The Legal Janitor said...

hey, welcome home, although I got back home recently also myself.

Coffee?

Kum Hean said...

Hello K.C.

Ermm, not sure if you remember who I am. Common friend/acquaintance of blackrx. Same recourse during N.S...does my name ring a bell?

Welcome home, great blog you've got here. Keep writing.

Anthony said...

Kum Hean!

OMG! How are you? I haven't heard from you in a dog's age.

Kum Hean said...

Kai Chen,

Yes, it's me Kum Hean. I'm fine, basically in same first job since graduation in '01 (EEE-NTU). Engineer in one of the GLC, an ordinary career in an ubiquitous field(engineering), esp. in S'pore.

If you're so inclined, you can find my blog link from blackrx's home page and email contact is kumhean@nospampls.singnet.com.sg. (to remove the nospampls)

Credit to blackrx who mentioned the existence of your blog and the exchange between yourselves.

First thing that occurred to me when I read your blog. Hey you're married! Congratulations!

BlackRX said...

My recollection is that the last time the three of us (Anthony, KH, and grasshopper) met together was on Aug 24, 1998. The night before my departure. We had dinner at some restaurant in the shpping center near to River Valley Road, I think it is called Great World City?

Kum Hean said...

I do not remember the exact date but if you're talking about Great World City, yes I do have a vague recollection of meeting there.

It's "Chili's" restaurant right? They have some great food there, a pity it closed down several years ago.

BlackRX said...

I cannot recall if it was indeed Chili's, but the place we went to served American fare, so I would wager that you are correct.

Ah, all those American restaurant franchises -- Chili's, T.G.I. Friday's, Applebee's, Ruby Tuesday, O'Charley's, Bennigan's, etc. -- can't beat the stingray, kway teow and roti john combo someone almost infamous had yesternight.

Anthony said...

-laughs-

If i didn't know you better, BlackRX, I'd say you're jealous.

BlackRX said...

aye, you do know me better, so go satisfy those astronomical gastronomical urges! and take pictures, so I will be able to remember what those dishes are supposed to look like. If you, kind keeper of the scrolls, do think of this poor, hungry -- but not jealous, ahem -- grasshoper for even a second, you will receive my eternal gratitude.

(background music: The Bee Gees Don't Forget to Remember Me)