Small Successes

The trick, as in all things, is with the small things.

Kenneth has written up an awesome series of posts regarding his growing insight into the art of swordsmanship. I will not repeat what he has to write, but suffice to say that much of what he has to write, I agree with.

My current tally in Helsinki is 4 training sessions, two a day. The training and pedagogy is completely alien to me, and yet makes a lot of sense. In it, where I was saw static drills, I now see drills as what they are - training tools. That alone is worth the trip here.

That isn't the only thing that I've learnt though.

My first four lessons here were spent learning basic material again - stuff that I should be proficient in before I got here, but wasn't. Going through the material again under the watchful eyes of Guy is something else. I managed to correct quite a number of things that I've been doing wrong systematically. I don't know whether my form has improved or not - thats for other people to judge, but I feel my movements becoming smoother and less gummed up.

It's with the small successes that I'm developing my insights from. Something as simple as raised hands, a flapping elbow and one fewer step in a drill makes a vast difference in the execution.

I'm also glad I made the time to come down to Helsinki to train. Apart from the opportunity to train, it is also the opportunity to get away from work and life stress. I also got time to spend with people that I don't get enough time with nowadays.

Heading for this retreat made me realise I've got an awful lot of clutter in my life that I would like to cut down. In life the simple things matter. Do them well, invest in them and you get your dividends. Investing in clutter just creates more clutter.

More later when I get the chance to write or when I get home.

Heading to Helsinki

Be back in a few weeks.

How Do I Go On?

An anonymous commentator asked me:

"On those days when you were chugging along without being able to find meaning or make any sense of things, how do you make yourself continue?"

That's a good question. I'll share with you a little insight of what I learnt in California.

My first night in California was cold and miserable. I didn't get an ounce of sleep because of jet lag and the fact that I was basically in a sleeping bag on the floor of my rented apartment. I missed home badly. I called home hysterically, and I was in tears.

It wasn't the call home that made me feel better though. It was the resolution I made to myself that night. I promised to make my situation better in small ways, starting by getting a mattress.

The next day, fatigued and jet lagged, I dragged a queen sized mattress home by myself, up a flight of stairs, through a narrow corridor. I must have been desperate.

Every day brought about new improvements. New chairs, new desk, new cable connection, a TV, then a TV stand. Pretty soon, the apartment was nice and comfortable.

You see, meaning is what you make of it. When the big things don't make sense, focus on the small. Sooner or later, when you have accumulated enough small victories, the world reshapes itself around those victories.

************************

I hope I answered your question, Anonymous, especially the one that was unasked but implied. I don't know what works for you, but I've found that plugging your way through a series of minor accomplishments does wonders. Sooner or later, on the back of these minor accomplishments, a major revelation will happen and there, you will find your sense and meaning.

No Story Ever Ends...

...it merely gives the basis for a new beginning.

Two years back, I worked an unpaid internship for a software company in California. I wrote about my heartache and trials here.

My writings on my unpaid internship:

"Why am I insane enough to do this? The simple answer - I need every break I can get. I've already alluded to the difficulty of getting a visa sponsor. If I do a good job here, maybe, just maybe, word will get around. Besides, I promised almost a year ago that I will do absolutely everything in my power to stay. I'll not break that promise now."

Two years later, I got my break. Just not in the way I expected.

************

I was incredibly surprised when someone I didn't know about wrote dropped me an email. He tracked me down by the blog address I left on LinkedIn, he said. He told me he liked what he saw, and that there were people back in California vouching for me.

People back in California vouching for me, he said.

************

Deep down inside, I've been struggling for the longest time to make sense of what happened, that life-changing experience that got cut short. I thought I buried that part of my life, but I know better. It never leaves you. You just keep chugging along, and one day, inexplicably, it will make sense because you make it make sense. You answer that call from your past, and use it to build your future.

Now, just like then, I'm leaving people behind. This time, though, I know better. I know that the story between us will not end, because no story ever ends. Not unless you let it. I won't let it.

Don't call this an ending. Just another part of the great story we call "life".

First Nuffnang Cheque

First Nuffnang Cheque. Took me a year to earn enough to cash out. Tells you about my relatively low readership.

Vuestar - Patent Troll?

Background: Vuestar, a Singapore-held company, has sent out letters of demand to Singapore-based companies, claiming that any image-linking is technology that violates their patents. Unsurprisingly, the blogosphere is up in arms about this, claiming that this is ludicrous.

*********

I'm going to set down some thoughts about this matter. However, I need to set out the following disclaimer.

Yes, I'm a lawyer, but no this is not legal advice or opinion of any sort. Do not rely on this information. If you get a letter of demand, find a patents lawyer and discuss this with him. Please do not ask me for legal help.

*********

Here are my thoughts, in no particular order of importance.

1. The Vuestar patent (Full text here. HT Ars Technica for the excellent news report.) appears to cover any sort of image-searching and linking. I'm surprised that a patent this wide was granted in Singapore. I am especially surprised because I would have thought this would be obvious, and obviousness kills patents, at least in the US.
   
2. Vuestar's website doesn't disclose any business model apart from licensing their IP rights. I'd have thought that there would be some kind of consultancy, software code to license, etc etc, but no, it's just an IP licensing system. This leads me to think that Vuestar is probably a patent troll. (EDIT: They make mention of some products like Trademark Searches and the such, though it's listed under "Products and Emerging Products". Still rather suspicious. I'm not convinced they actually -have- those products for use, or even if they do, that they are commercially exploitable. Smells like a mask for their real intentions.)
   
3. Thing is, patent trolling isn't a new problem. This might be the first time that Singapore has experience it on such a large scale but it's fairly common in the US. What happens is that patent trolls use widely-worded, probably-invalid patents to extract license fees. They are generally successful because companies don't want to fight a lawsuit and the cost of the licensing is probably less than the cost of a court challenge. What is even more annoying is that most patent systems rely on challengers to take down invalid patents.
4. One more complication aiding the success of patent trolls is that commercial contracts often require relevant intellectual property to remain unchallenged and valid. A challenge of any sort generally triggers a mad scramble to settle these disputes out of court rather than risk a lucrative commercial relationship from going sour.
5. As I understand it, there are reforms going on in US patent law to stop this kind of behaviour. I'm not quite sure how successful they have been.
   

*********

Fragrant Prince

For background, click here.

The arrest of Fragrant Prince leaves me with a vague sense of unease. Yes, he is wrong for posting racist comments. Yes, his writing is shallow and self-absorbed. Yes, his ideas are poisonous, and have no place in a civilised society.

Yet, I am still incredibly uncomfortable with the circumstances of his arrest. From what I've read of the comments on Tomorrow.sg and Cowboy Caleb's blog, it's not really his racism that got him in trouble, but his arrogance.

Fragrant Prince didn't help his own case - his apology smacks of the same semantics as DPM Wong Kan Seng's apology for the Mas Selamat affair. "I am sincerely apologetic for the recent events that happen" isn't an apology. Rephrased, it might as well have been "I'm sorry I got caught".

Yes, Fragrant Prince's racist comments was probably criminal. On the other hand, had he been less arrogant and more popular, I think the blogging community would have been more inclined to "give chance" and not report him to the police.

I am not comfortable with this. It is bad enough that the blogosphere goes on the occasional witch-hunt against high-profile targets like Dawn Yang. A police arrest takes this phenomenon to a whole different dimension.

I think that given the circumstances, reporting the arrest was the right thing to do. I am also not defending Fragrant Prince. What I am uncomfortable with are the implications - that popularity might be a pre-screening criteria for justice. That is the inherent flaw of mob justice, and something that I'll write against, be it for Fragrant Prince, Dawn Yang or anyone else.

The Most Powerful Force

I am a dire wolf, prey-stalking, lethal prowler.

I am a hunter, horse-mounted, wolf-stabbing.

I am a horsefly, horse-stinging, hunter-throwing.

I am a spider, fly-consuming, eight legged.

I am a snake, spider-devouring, poison-toothed.

I am an ox, snake-crushing, heavy-footed.

I am an anthrax, butcher bacterium, warm-life destroying.

I am a world, space-floating, life-nurturing.

I am a nova, all-exploding… planet-cremating.

I am the Universe—all things encompassing, all life embracing.

I am anti-life, the beast of judgement. I am the dark at the end of everything. The end of universes, gods, worlds… of everything. Sss. And what will you be then dreamlord?

I am hope.

Hancock

Funny I should mention superheroes.

This looks like a darned tootin movie to watch.

Singapore's Superhero

This advert from Nuffnang caught my attention. Write a post about what a Singapore superhero should be, embody, what powers he should have, etc. This contest is sponsored by the Singapore Movie Fiesta.

Word of warning: This post will not be campy or snarky. It will also probably not win the competition for those reasons. Nevertheless, I believe that campy makes character unbelievable and believability is the heart of a superhero. Spiderman wouldn't be interesting if his superhero-life/non-superhero life didn't screw him over every so often. Batman won't be interesting without his obsessions.

Second thing is, I much prefer superheroes in the form of the TV series like "Heroes" and "Smallville" rather than the costumed superheroes in the 1970's.

That, and I don't particularly like the format of a biography - I much prefer narrative.

Anyways, having stated my preferences, and probably described all the reasons my superhero character won't win the competition, here's my 0.02.

******************

There is a gaping wound over Singapore.

Few can see the the raw gash of glowing red hanging above the sky, but all can feel it. It turns the hope of a better tomorrow to a paranoid insecurity. It transforms honest work ethic into an overwhelming lust for consumption. It turns noble protectors into deluded oppressors. It turns virtue to vice, tolerance to ignorance, best intentions into Faustian bargains. It fuels the tiny bits of evil in every Singaporean and turns them into monsters.

It feeds as it is fed.

It grows every time a Singaporean is corrupted. Every time a maid is beaten, a friend is cheated, a half-truth is told on the national paper, the throbbing sky-wound gets just a little larger, a little brighter, a little more alive.

Singapore needs a hero. It has one.

Jimmy Lee wears no spandex. He wears his favourite wash-worn demin, along with a 10-dollar Giordano T-Shirt. He has no underground cave liar in Xiao Gui Lin - property prices in Singapore are insane enough without having to take out a second mortgage. He is no billionaire dilettante - he works at a tuition agency, trying to put his NIE Degree in Education to use. He has no Kansas-Farmboy good looks, nor dashing Creole accent, nor muscle-bound body - his face is too rough to be handsome, and his build too gangly to inspire schoolgirl dreams.

How can such an unlikely person be a superhero? That is what Jimmy asked himself too when his Eye appeared.

Like all other Singaporeans, Jimmy never expected to be taken in by a "magic stone" salesman. He expected to be smarter than that, with his cosmopolitan outlook and street smarts. He also never expected to develop a blood clot in the brain at the tender age of 27.

Too many blows to the head, the doctor said. Jimmy disagreed. While he professed a love for sports, and occasionally indulged in Tae Kwon Do sparring, he never sparred without safety gear. The blood clot was a mystery, but one that was slowly robbing his health. He had completely lost feeling in the tips of his fingers, and the vision in his left eye by the time he meet the snake-oil salesman.

To this day, Jimmy had no idea what possessed him to boil the stone, and consume the three 1.5 liter bottles of bright green stone distillate. What he does remember is waking up and seeing that his left eye had turned glowing green, and that the sky had a terrible wounding that bled red light.

He had recovered that day, of course. The doctor gave him a squeaky clean bill of health, and expressed surprise that even old tissue damage seems to have disappeared. The doctor never saw the glowing green eye. No one could. Just like no one could see that awful red glow.

Jimmy knew he was going to say that. He saw it in his glowing green left eye. He also saw that the doctor was having an affair with three nurses in the hospital, and that his wife had found out. Most of all, he saw that awful red glow in the doctor, ready to harvest the bitter fruit.

He saw the futures too.

Jimmy saw the first future, where the doctor returned, hurled abuse at his wife, then leave with a pre-packed bag. The wife died in that future. Tore her veins open with a razor and bled to death.

Jimmy saw the second, fainter future, the one which would happen if he confronted the doctor with what he knew now. He saw the doctor confess to his wife, honestly and sincerely, change over a new leaf, and live twenty years of marriage.

Jimmy didn't hesitate.

************

Since that day, Jimmy has been pulled from event to event, person to person, fighting the awful red glow and its corruption. He has been shot, stabbed, burnt and beaten, but every single time the wounds never lasted longer than 23 minutes. He's leapt over 8 meter fences, out-wrestled three sailors at Boat Quay, and outran the 171 bus to town. Jimmy's second lease of life also granted him some remarkable physical capabilities.

Yet, Jimmy's signature ability remains the Eye that Sees All. Every so often, the Eye reveals to him a person, one special person who is at the threshold of making a decision that will change a life. The Eye reveals to Dennis the greatest power of all - the power of a second chance, like the one he was given.

Perhaps, with enough second chances, Singapore can be saved from itself.

****************

Editor's notes: Some things don't convey well in narrative, so I'm putting them down here as notes.

My conception of Jimmy comes from what I see as two central definitions of Singapore:

1. The idea that Singapore is a victim of the Law of Unintended Consequence; and
   
2. the idea that Singapore is all about second chances.

Yes, Singapore has become very successful but for every action that it takes at success, it creates an kink for itself into the future. Think of the 2-child policy, for example.

What Singapore tends to forget, however, is that it is all about second chances. Our forefathers came to Singapore escaping political and economic persecution, for large part. Our own independence was centered around our seperation from the Malaysian Federation.

Given these two ideas, I think a uniquely Singaporean superhero would embody both these concepts. What if we could get a glimpse of what would really happen? Would it give us just that little push into making things right, doing things better, by getting that second chance?

I don't know, but through Jimmy I'd like to have the opportunity to find out.

Awesome Posts

I recently (meaning just last year) discovered the joys of the Penny Arcade forum.

Just a sample of the awesome posts found there.

Trowzilla said:

This was, of course, the exact moment my parents chose to have a long, involved talk with me about my grades. In the kitchen. With me holding a cucumber that had very recently been used for terrible, terrible purposes.

Another Trowzilla story:

I'd discovered fanfic as an endless, free source of kinky porn that I could print out and hide in my room, and while I figured a lot of it wasn't too realistic, I had no idea of how much. Anyway, so I'd found this Sailor Moon (shut up!) tentacle porn fic that really got me turned on, and while obviously I couldn't replicate tentacles, I figured I'd try out the other major element in the story: hot wax.

I agree with Scrublet's description of American Idol here:

The fact that it's so popular magnifies its shit quotient, such that even though it may not be the most vile shit, it's still the biggest. Sort of like how a massive 2-pound turd spawned from eating an entire loaf of bread would be greater, though far less objectionable, than the comparatively dainty 8-ounce calamity that results from downing an excess of Indian curry.

Have fun!

Angry Thoughts

What is the collective noun for idiots?

A flock of fools? A murder of morons? A star of simpletons?

Good lords, they just seem to multiply.

*********

What am I supposed to think when the only time you approach my family is for money? I had told you years ago that I do not support what you are doing already. Don't expect kindness when you have paid me and mine nothing but cruelty.

*********

What am I supposed to think? On one hand you've shown me kindness. On the other hand, you've delivered far less than what you've promised. How can you expect me not to be upset?

*********

What's wrong with them?! Can't they see that they are only rewarding short-term behaviour? What about those energy consumers that have consistently been using energy below the median? Is there no reward for the consistently responsible?!

(HT to Mr Miyagi)

*********

ANGRY!!

I Cry Defiance

You are my senior. You have only to ask, and I will follow.

Be careful what you ask for.

You can ask me to hurry up. You can take things easy. You cannot expect me to hurry while you take things easy. If I run, you run. If you walk, I walk. If I turn around and not see the baton there waiting in my hand, don't expect me to continue running.

You can ask me to hurry up. You can ask me to double check your work. You cannot ask me to hurry up while having to double check your work. If you want me to hurry up, I have to be able that trust you will do your job. I cannot hurry while doing my job and your job at the same time.

You can trust my judgment. You can question my judgment. You cannot cherry-pick which parts of my judgment to trust. My judgment is rendered in its entirety, after considering all the aspects in totality. My judgment is not rendered for your convenience, but your best interests. You take it, good with the bad, or you reject it outright for its flaws.

You can act in good faith. You can keep your power. You cannot keep your power while pretending to act in good faith. That is either hypocrisy or denial, neither of which I condone.

You can ask me to be detached. You can ask me to be loyal. You cannot ask me to be detached while being loyal. Detachment means I feel nothing for you, even loyalty. Detachment requires that I not be here, under-appreciated for what I do. I've given up greener pastures for my loyalty. Don't expect me to feel nothing for what I've given up.

Choose.

Doors or Walls?

If your past comes knocking on your door, would you open the door?

Everyone has a past that hurts. It seems de rigeur these days. The question is not whether you should let it affect you. It will affect you. It will sneak up on you. It will ambush your sleep, and turn your dreams sour. It will pop up in your email box one day, in a place and form you least expect.

There's a reason I don't write about my current relationship(s), or lack thereof. It's because that part of me still hurts - and it hurts more because I've immortalised it on this blog without intending to.

*******

I received an email today, from a person I've never heard of, claiming acquaintance with someone who helped me a lot in California. When I received the email, I didn't know quite how to respond. Some part of me wanted very much to leave this door unopened.

This is the part of me that remembers that no matter how much I love California, it will be inextricably tied to the greatest pain I've faced in my life.

Another part of me wanted to see what lay beyond the door. This is the part of me that wants to see what it is I left behind in California, a glimpse at the life behind I left when I made my decision to stay in Singapore.

I emailed that person back. I don't know if that was the right choice. Time will tell.

*******

Deciding whether or not to go through that door isn't a rational decision. A rational decision is based on sufficiency of information. Truth is, you don't really know what's behind that door. You have an idea. You have a best guess. But it remains a guess, no matter how good you are.

Behind that door could be a monster, a blank wall, or a treasure beyond compare. More often than not, it opens up to a corridor with another door at the end of it. And then, you stand at the threshold again, wondering the same thing you did the previous time, because you are only human.

The question is not whether to open the door. The question is whether you can live with yourself after.

In the end, that is all that matters.

If

If you are making millions, you better be good for something.

If what you are good at is getting other people to pay for your millions, you better make sure that the other people get what they are paying for.

If you getting millions, making other people pay for your millions, and not giving us solutions even a citizen can suggest, then really, you aren't being joked about. You are the Joke.

***********

If you like hot nurses, you're a hot-blooded male.

If you like hot nurses appearing out of nowhere on the Internet, your hot blood probably just fried your brain out temporarily.

If you like hot nurses appearing out of nowhere on the Internet who is suddenly very interested in getting it on with someone, then really, the joke's on you.

***********

If you are happy for someone hooking up, you're probably compassionate. Or kay-poh. Whatever.

If you're happy for someone for maybe-hooking-up-but-you're-not-very-sure, you're probably very compassionate. Or very kay-poh. Whatever.

If you don't understand what the heck just happened, but are happy anyway, join the club. You're probably compassionate and kay-poh like me. The joke's on you. If it is a joke. Or not. Whatever.

***********

If you were worried that Questionable Content got hacked, you didn't realise it was April Fool's Day.

If you were worried that Questionable Content AND XKCD both got hacked, you probably didn't realise this is 2008 either.

If you were worried that Questionable Content AND XKCD both got hacked AND wondering where to get the new Axe peripheral for the Bard Hero class in World of Warcraft, you need to get out. Really. See that shiny bright thing in the sky? It's called a sun.

***********

There ends my round-up of the best April Fool's pranks and stunts online. Have fun all.

Returns

No, not income tax.

The end of March brings me many happy returns. I've returned to training after a one-month hiatus. I've returned to my 9-to-5 job, and won't be travelling (I hope) until the end of April. More importantly, I've returned to a routine where I can spend time with my various groups of friends. And of course, I return to blogging.

The fact that I've taken such a long hiatus is telling. My armour is developing large patches of rust and will need to be cleaned out. My swordfighting stamina has reduced, but suprisingly my legs seem to have strengthened from all that walking around. I seem to be landing a bit more lightly on my feet. On the minus side, my sword work has gone to absolute bullocks. Looks like the rust affected more than just my armour.

The craziness of returning to work in the middle of financial year-end closing also seems to have died down. Interesting developments career-wise, which bode well for me.

I've also gone back to WoWing semi-regularly. Things are a lot more relaxed this time round, without the frenzy of wanting to do everything and the kitchen sink.

Also hanging out with my friends more - I don't get a chance like that every part of the year so best enjoy it while I can.

No angst, no anger, no drama, just a flow of little things that make me happy. I can't ask for more really.

Images from Tokyo

Some photos on my trip to Tokyo




This was a family having their traditional Japanese Wedding at the Meiji Shrine, near Harajuku. They were one of three families that day having a wedding. The kimono looked awesome.



I missed sakura season, but I definitely didn't miss plum flower season. I think these were taken in Shinjuku Gyoyen, but I can't quite remember - I just saw so many of them.



An awesome cityscape picture of the Shibuya district. The shopping scene is awesome there. I'm told the clubbing is also awesome but I didn't go.



Performers at Yoyogi Park. These drummers are damn awesome - I saw taiko drums being used alongside cowbells and african drums. Hypnotic rhythm.



At the Tokyo Anime Center with some of my favourite anime characters. On a side rant, I got the coat and hat in Tokyo.



Me beside the Big Bad Wolf. 'Nuff said.



Was suprised that the Free Hug movement went as far as Tokyo. This was the second group I saw - the first was at Hachiko near Shibuya.



Some modestly dressed Harajuku youths. I use the word "modestly" quite carefully. There were many many more gothic lolitas and punk rockers there.



Kabuchiko - Tokyo's red light district, as shown from a safe distance.

More when I have time to post them.

Back from Japan

Have many photos to load up so please be patient.

On other news, I've finally cashed out my first Nuffnang payment! Yay me.

Live from Tokyo

Am blogging from my teeny hotel room in Tokyo. Had some yummy udon for lunch. Turns out that eating out in Tokyo isn't going to be as much of a problem as I originally thought.

Be back in a few days!

Wow. Just....wow.

I thought I had it bad. This guy had it worse. Much much worse. I don't think there's a word in the English language that can describe how bad this is.



Of all the responses Ms Cleri gave, I found the last one the most heinous. I cannot believe the depth of self-delusion in that last statement.

I hope that money was worth it.