Just as I was trying to find the source of my recent energy drain, along comes Tym with a wonderful video that reaffirms an epiphany I had while I was in California and trying to put into practice.
Lately, I've been feeling de-energized and unmotivated. I had initially thought that my energy drain was due to having to help friends deal with difficult issues in life, but I realise now it's deeper than that - it's creativity fatigue.
To those who do not believe that counselling friends with wisdom and restraint is a creative process, I challenge you to do so. It's just as much effort to frame your ideas, experiences and wisdom in a way that will be understood clearly as it is to teach a class, write poetry or perform on stage.
Elizabeth Gilbert is an amazing speaker, but more importantly, she frames the issue in an interesting manner. Since I've gone through my life-changing experiences, I've been an advocate of taking responsibility only for yourself, and to leave the rest to...well...the rest. I've written about human love and stubborness in the past, as an ingredient for living life after a great tragedy. However, the pieces fall into place so well in this speech that I feel almost...breathless.
Externalize your creativity. Just show up and do your job - let the rest take care of itself.
************
One of the issues I've been having with swordsmanship isn't lack of practice - it's lack of intent and understanding. The practice we have are merely gates (pardon the small pun here guys!).
Lately I've been unable to synthesize what the practices into something useful. My wheels are spinning but I'm going nowhere. After watching Ms Gilbert's speech, I think I understand what's going on. Sometimes, the process of learning (itself a creative process) involves spinning wheels because synthesis of learning is just as capricious a creature as creativity.
That doesn't mean that I should not make the effort to learn. It just means I don't beat myself up everytime I don't quite learn something as well as I should.
Just show up. Let the rest take care of itself.
Showing posts with label Men's Issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Men's Issues. Show all posts
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Deterioration
Sunday's training pretty much reflects how ragged my form has become.
I don't think my form is horrible. I managed to execute First Drill properly (despite some initial hiccups with the second step). I managed to get through the variations fairly well. I even survived the (comparatively brisk) warm up on Sunday, along with a fair execution of Syllabus Form.
The problem here is the lack of "stressed" training.
It showed a lot during the mock tournament we held. Kenneth and Yu Sarn have been able to truly integrate their training into a useable martial art. I have not. They can execute sword forms while thinking tactically. I cannot. They can step off the line as a natural response. My feet feel glued to the floor.
The strange part is - all of these problems only appear when I am in a stressful situation - i.e freeplay.
I know what this means - it means I don't have enough reps under my belt to really integrate this into a proper martial art. I've been doing a lot of armchair martial arts - critiquing styles, forms but not really training.
***********
The other problem now (which is related) is that I'm at an incredibly low in energy. I think I know why it's so low, and I know from experience that it tends to be self-correcting after a while. I just need to refill my energy reserves that I've spent on creative endeavours of late - i.e helping friends through their love problems, writing out scenarios for the games that I run etc.
Perhaps what I really need to do is to get some way of getting healthy without my reliance on swordsmanship as a head fake. I think I've relied on that for too long, and I really should move on based on that foundational activity.
More later. Head is hurting again.
I don't think my form is horrible. I managed to execute First Drill properly (despite some initial hiccups with the second step). I managed to get through the variations fairly well. I even survived the (comparatively brisk) warm up on Sunday, along with a fair execution of Syllabus Form.
The problem here is the lack of "stressed" training.
It showed a lot during the mock tournament we held. Kenneth and Yu Sarn have been able to truly integrate their training into a useable martial art. I have not. They can execute sword forms while thinking tactically. I cannot. They can step off the line as a natural response. My feet feel glued to the floor.
The strange part is - all of these problems only appear when I am in a stressful situation - i.e freeplay.
I know what this means - it means I don't have enough reps under my belt to really integrate this into a proper martial art. I've been doing a lot of armchair martial arts - critiquing styles, forms but not really training.
***********
The other problem now (which is related) is that I'm at an incredibly low in energy. I think I know why it's so low, and I know from experience that it tends to be self-correcting after a while. I just need to refill my energy reserves that I've spent on creative endeavours of late - i.e helping friends through their love problems, writing out scenarios for the games that I run etc.
Perhaps what I really need to do is to get some way of getting healthy without my reliance on swordsmanship as a head fake. I think I've relied on that for too long, and I really should move on based on that foundational activity.
More later. Head is hurting again.
Friday, February 13, 2009
NS Part III - Responsibility
Here's the last instalment of my thoughts on NS. The last instalment turned out to be harder to write than the previous two, mostly because I've been distracted thinking of other breaking news about the Job Credits Scheme (which I think is a good idea, but not for the reasons the ministers give) and various ministers putting their collective feet in their mouths.
Anyways, here it is.
************
The final aspect to consider about NS is the amount of personal benefit an NSMen derives from service. Here is where things get most complicated. The Powers that Be would like us to think that NS is an opportunity to grow up, a rite of passage etc. We who serve likely think the opposite, and that we pick up bad habits along the way, i.e cursing in colourful Hokkien, smoking, drinking cheap tiger beer, etc.
I think couching NS in terms of personal benefits is completely misconceived. NS is a circumstance of Singapore life, much like PSLE, applying for a HDB flat and CPF. It's very difficult to judge the effect of a set of circumstances on a person, because people react to circumstances differently.
Simply put, you and I can go through the exact same NS training and come out different people.
With this in mind, how is it that MINDEF can spout the same drivel about making our youngsters more mature year-in, year-out? Why is it our female counterparts can become mature in university without the need for NS? What about the generation of uncles that came before us? Are they any less mature for not having gone through NS?
This cannot be correct.
BUT
If what I have written above is true, then the flip side must also be true. Insofar as NS is a dangerous, shitty, time-wasting circumstance, it is still the individual's responsibility to ensure that they get some personal benefit from it.
It must be up to us to get gold from the shit, so to speak.
Of course NS has it's share of keng-sters who will dump their work on you because they can get away with it. Who's to say that you won't get this in future when you are working? Learn to deal with it, ESPECIALLY if it's a superior officer doing this to you.
Of course NS has it's share of mindnumbing admin to do. Who's to say that you won't get this in future when you are working? Learn to deal with it, ESPECIALLY because mind-numbing admin happens everywhere and your future expense claims, leave and performance reviews may be linked to these.
Of course NS has it's share of dangerous circumstances. Who's to say that you won't get this in future? Learn to deal with it, because if there's one thing NS taught it, it's that nothing in life can be taken for granted.
And there you go. Personal benefit, personal responsibility. It can't work any other way.
Anyways, here it is.
************
The final aspect to consider about NS is the amount of personal benefit an NSMen derives from service. Here is where things get most complicated. The Powers that Be would like us to think that NS is an opportunity to grow up, a rite of passage etc. We who serve likely think the opposite, and that we pick up bad habits along the way, i.e cursing in colourful Hokkien, smoking, drinking cheap tiger beer, etc.
I think couching NS in terms of personal benefits is completely misconceived. NS is a circumstance of Singapore life, much like PSLE, applying for a HDB flat and CPF. It's very difficult to judge the effect of a set of circumstances on a person, because people react to circumstances differently.
Simply put, you and I can go through the exact same NS training and come out different people.
With this in mind, how is it that MINDEF can spout the same drivel about making our youngsters more mature year-in, year-out? Why is it our female counterparts can become mature in university without the need for NS? What about the generation of uncles that came before us? Are they any less mature for not having gone through NS?
This cannot be correct.
BUT
If what I have written above is true, then the flip side must also be true. Insofar as NS is a dangerous, shitty, time-wasting circumstance, it is still the individual's responsibility to ensure that they get some personal benefit from it.
It must be up to us to get gold from the shit, so to speak.
Of course NS has it's share of keng-sters who will dump their work on you because they can get away with it. Who's to say that you won't get this in future when you are working? Learn to deal with it, ESPECIALLY if it's a superior officer doing this to you.
Of course NS has it's share of mindnumbing admin to do. Who's to say that you won't get this in future when you are working? Learn to deal with it, ESPECIALLY because mind-numbing admin happens everywhere and your future expense claims, leave and performance reviews may be linked to these.
Of course NS has it's share of dangerous circumstances. Who's to say that you won't get this in future? Learn to deal with it, because if there's one thing NS taught it, it's that nothing in life can be taken for granted.
And there you go. Personal benefit, personal responsibility. It can't work any other way.
Friday, January 23, 2009
In Defense of Defense Part II - Everybody Dies
I've been chewing through some of the comments that have been put on my blog from my entry. One of them fascinates me, so I will spend some time talking about it.
PanzerGrenadier wrote:
"The far greater price that we NSmen face is DEATH while serving the country."
He also wrote some stuff about the accidents happening in NS, and the risk of death in NS.
Let me start by saying, my utmost sympathies for those who have lost loved ones in the course of serving their NS. This post may offend you, so please don't read on.
**********
Death is inevitable. We all have to die some time, and the only question here is when, how and why. Those are the questions that we need to ask when trying to make MINDEF responsible for loss of life (or anything else for that matter).
I have some sympathy for MINDEF, not a whole lot, but some. The high-level problem that MINDEF faces is that it needs to impose regimentation and fairly rigourous training standards, while taking disproportionate amounts of liability for these standards.
In that sense, I can see why MINDEF would want to defend itself from liability in this way. It cannot be that MINDEF is legally culpable for every act within it's military premises. If a man keels over and dies while binging on cheap Tiger beer at the mess, it's going to be a stretch to argue that MINDEF is responsible.
On the other end of the spectrum, if someone gets squashed flat by a tank during exercise, why yes, MINDEF should be responsible.
What I'm trying to do here is to inject some sense into this issue - it cannot be that MINDEF is responsible for everything. Arguing along this line does not make sense, and in fact, demonstrates everything that I've argued in the previous post - that we are not in fact trying to get what is fair, but merely trying EVERY means to pin some fault, ANY fault on MINDEF. That makes us as bad as MINDEF is.
*************
What I -do- think will help NS safer is a Freedom of Information Act, and more frequent external audits. Take to point the issue of the NS man found mysteriously dead in a bunk. We don't know for sure the circumstances of his death. There isn't a way for finding this information out, so whatever MINDEF says will essentially become the "truth" for the purposes of liability.
Without a Freedom of Information Act, this kind of fact finding cannot be tested by external pressures. It enables the "cover-up" culture to continue, and weakens the credibility of everything MINDEF does.
I don't accept that everything MINDEF does is secret. Take the health of its NSMen for example. That information is fairly widely available in the public domain for the purposes of insurance, court cases etc. It cannot be that NS medical data is somehow special once it crosses the border of a military camp. In the event of a dispute, disclose that medical data.
The other method is to use external auditors to check accounts, training etc. I accept that this method has its limitations, in the sense that they can easily be undermined by whatever administrative roadblocks MINDEF chooses to throw up. However, the reverse side is true - the more admin roadblocks they throw up, the stupider they look when something eventually happens.
I'll get back to my writing about personal benefits (or lack thereof) of NS in a bit.
PanzerGrenadier wrote:
"The far greater price that we NSmen face is DEATH while serving the country."
He also wrote some stuff about the accidents happening in NS, and the risk of death in NS.
Let me start by saying, my utmost sympathies for those who have lost loved ones in the course of serving their NS. This post may offend you, so please don't read on.
**********
Death is inevitable. We all have to die some time, and the only question here is when, how and why. Those are the questions that we need to ask when trying to make MINDEF responsible for loss of life (or anything else for that matter).
I have some sympathy for MINDEF, not a whole lot, but some. The high-level problem that MINDEF faces is that it needs to impose regimentation and fairly rigourous training standards, while taking disproportionate amounts of liability for these standards.
In that sense, I can see why MINDEF would want to defend itself from liability in this way. It cannot be that MINDEF is legally culpable for every act within it's military premises. If a man keels over and dies while binging on cheap Tiger beer at the mess, it's going to be a stretch to argue that MINDEF is responsible.
On the other end of the spectrum, if someone gets squashed flat by a tank during exercise, why yes, MINDEF should be responsible.
What I'm trying to do here is to inject some sense into this issue - it cannot be that MINDEF is responsible for everything. Arguing along this line does not make sense, and in fact, demonstrates everything that I've argued in the previous post - that we are not in fact trying to get what is fair, but merely trying EVERY means to pin some fault, ANY fault on MINDEF. That makes us as bad as MINDEF is.
*************
What I -do- think will help NS safer is a Freedom of Information Act, and more frequent external audits. Take to point the issue of the NS man found mysteriously dead in a bunk. We don't know for sure the circumstances of his death. There isn't a way for finding this information out, so whatever MINDEF says will essentially become the "truth" for the purposes of liability.
Without a Freedom of Information Act, this kind of fact finding cannot be tested by external pressures. It enables the "cover-up" culture to continue, and weakens the credibility of everything MINDEF does.
I don't accept that everything MINDEF does is secret. Take the health of its NSMen for example. That information is fairly widely available in the public domain for the purposes of insurance, court cases etc. It cannot be that NS medical data is somehow special once it crosses the border of a military camp. In the event of a dispute, disclose that medical data.
The other method is to use external auditors to check accounts, training etc. I accept that this method has its limitations, in the sense that they can easily be undermined by whatever administrative roadblocks MINDEF chooses to throw up. However, the reverse side is true - the more admin roadblocks they throw up, the stupider they look when something eventually happens.
I'll get back to my writing about personal benefits (or lack thereof) of NS in a bit.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
In Defense of Defense
My experiences with NS and as a citizen soldier has lead me to question quite a bit about our national policy towards NS. Personally, I do not think it is NS per se that causes resentment among Singaporean males. It is a whole combination of factors.
The heart of the matter is that NS is a massive obligation with few benefits. When I say "benefit" I mean the whole gamut of benefit - financial, social, personal. I think enough has been discussed about financial benefit so I won't go there. What I will focus on is social and personal benefit.
My biggest gripe about NS is that it is viewed nationally not as a necessary sacrifice, but as a "haha-sucker" sort of obligation. Witness Taiwan - I am told merely wearing a uniform there raises your esteem in the eyes of the locals. A similar but more sombre zeitgeist pervades Israel, Finland and Switzerland. Why is this so?
The problem with Singapore is the issue of "us" and "them" isn't so clear cut. The "us" versus "them" mentality is encouraged, even inflammed, by government propaganda. The problem with encouraging this mentality is that this bleeds over to every aspect of life.
In short, what social benefit is there from serving NS? You don't get any respect out of it, you hardly get recognised for hard work, and if you do, in fact, put in hard work out of moral obligation, people laugh at you and call you a sucker.
***********
More on (lack of) personal benefits to NS in another instalment.
The heart of the matter is that NS is a massive obligation with few benefits. When I say "benefit" I mean the whole gamut of benefit - financial, social, personal. I think enough has been discussed about financial benefit so I won't go there. What I will focus on is social and personal benefit.
My biggest gripe about NS is that it is viewed nationally not as a necessary sacrifice, but as a "haha-sucker" sort of obligation. Witness Taiwan - I am told merely wearing a uniform there raises your esteem in the eyes of the locals. A similar but more sombre zeitgeist pervades Israel, Finland and Switzerland. Why is this so?
The problem with Singapore is the issue of "us" and "them" isn't so clear cut. The "us" versus "them" mentality is encouraged, even inflammed, by government propaganda. The problem with encouraging this mentality is that this bleeds over to every aspect of life.
- "Me" versus "the government", i.e what I can do to get out of NS in the first place?
- "Me" versus "everyone else in NS", i.e can I get other people to do my job in NS?
- "Me" versus "society" i.e Now that I have (on paper) served NS, what else can I get out of this obligation that ALL taxpayers have to bear?
In short, what social benefit is there from serving NS? You don't get any respect out of it, you hardly get recognised for hard work, and if you do, in fact, put in hard work out of moral obligation, people laugh at you and call you a sucker.
***********
More on (lack of) personal benefits to NS in another instalment.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
If
It's funny how things work out.
If I had succeeded in getting into the Jessups or Shipping Moot team, I'd have become what I wanted to become at that time, a successful litigator. I'd have had a rigorous apprenticeship under a big-name lawyer, and picked up skills and networks that would have helped in my early career.
And at the end of that, I would have become as my friends have become - disillusioned, and wondering if this was all they could do for the rest of their lives, victims of their own success.
If I had gotten onto the moots team, I would not have entered into a (admittedly stupid) business venture.
If that business venture had succeeded despite all odds, I'd have quit law, and entered business. I'd have worked through a moderately successful business, right up to the point of the dot-com bust, and I'd have entered the work-force, having lost nothing but a few years, but with solid business experience under my belt.
Instead, I was outmanuevered, and was forced to make a decision between finding love and finding justice.
And because I was outmanuevered, I was much richer for the experience, because the first rule of business is not succeeding. It's knowing how not to fuck up, and I've since experienced almost every variation of second-hand fuck ups in every job I've been to. It's a valueable experience, knowing how and when things fuck up, because my job requires that I fix them.
If I had not entered that business venture, I would not have met my ex-wife. I'd have been spared the heartache of watching her tear asunder everything we've built. I'd not have been called boring, uncreative, and a typical Singaporean. I'd not have to face rejection from every angle, from someone I deeply trusted, to complete strangers who refused to give me the time of the day.
I would also have missed out the small opportunities that turned into big ones - the unpaid internship I procured in California, which turned into a job here in Singapore. I'd have lost the single greatest opportunity to prove what was best in a "typical Singaporean" - hard work and never-say-die.
I'd never have realised that success is not about huge successes, but of small accumulated wins, and not giving up.
I'd never have realised that life is transient, and all the more beautiful for it.
***************
Here I am now, a failure at everything I had wanted to be 10 years ago, and so much the better for it. I failed at becoming a Jessup mooter. I failed at becoming a businessman. I failed at finding a new job and life in California. I failed at keeping my marriage together.
Yet, somehow, I ended up where I wanted to be at 32 - a decent job, close to family, with friends and loved ones close by.
If I had succeeded then I'd have failed now. I'm glad I failed.
Happy New Year.
If I had succeeded in getting into the Jessups or Shipping Moot team, I'd have become what I wanted to become at that time, a successful litigator. I'd have had a rigorous apprenticeship under a big-name lawyer, and picked up skills and networks that would have helped in my early career.
And at the end of that, I would have become as my friends have become - disillusioned, and wondering if this was all they could do for the rest of their lives, victims of their own success.
If I had gotten onto the moots team, I would not have entered into a (admittedly stupid) business venture.
If that business venture had succeeded despite all odds, I'd have quit law, and entered business. I'd have worked through a moderately successful business, right up to the point of the dot-com bust, and I'd have entered the work-force, having lost nothing but a few years, but with solid business experience under my belt.
Instead, I was outmanuevered, and was forced to make a decision between finding love and finding justice.
And because I was outmanuevered, I was much richer for the experience, because the first rule of business is not succeeding. It's knowing how not to fuck up, and I've since experienced almost every variation of second-hand fuck ups in every job I've been to. It's a valueable experience, knowing how and when things fuck up, because my job requires that I fix them.
If I had not entered that business venture, I would not have met my ex-wife. I'd have been spared the heartache of watching her tear asunder everything we've built. I'd not have been called boring, uncreative, and a typical Singaporean. I'd not have to face rejection from every angle, from someone I deeply trusted, to complete strangers who refused to give me the time of the day.
I would also have missed out the small opportunities that turned into big ones - the unpaid internship I procured in California, which turned into a job here in Singapore. I'd have lost the single greatest opportunity to prove what was best in a "typical Singaporean" - hard work and never-say-die.
I'd never have realised that success is not about huge successes, but of small accumulated wins, and not giving up.
I'd never have realised that life is transient, and all the more beautiful for it.
***************
Here I am now, a failure at everything I had wanted to be 10 years ago, and so much the better for it. I failed at becoming a Jessup mooter. I failed at becoming a businessman. I failed at finding a new job and life in California. I failed at keeping my marriage together.
Yet, somehow, I ended up where I wanted to be at 32 - a decent job, close to family, with friends and loved ones close by.
If I had succeeded then I'd have failed now. I'm glad I failed.
Happy New Year.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Home
Just touched down 2 hours ago.
The news has broken, and I think I can write about this safely now. I've been promoted to full Fellow in PHEMAS. In practical terms that means I've moved from being an intermediate student to one of the more senior students in swordsmanship in one fell swoop.
I share Kenneth's sentiment here - I can only trust that Mr Windsor was not being over-generous with the promotion. In many ways, I feel like I've reached the point where I'm only beginning to grasp the basics, only to have the door open to the wealth of learning ahead.
And boy, what wealth it is.
I feel simultaneously overwhelmed and enlightened. If wisdom is recognizing how little you know, I am feeling incredibly wise now.
More when I get some sleep.
The news has broken, and I think I can write about this safely now. I've been promoted to full Fellow in PHEMAS. In practical terms that means I've moved from being an intermediate student to one of the more senior students in swordsmanship in one fell swoop.
I share Kenneth's sentiment here - I can only trust that Mr Windsor was not being over-generous with the promotion. In many ways, I feel like I've reached the point where I'm only beginning to grasp the basics, only to have the door open to the wealth of learning ahead.
And boy, what wealth it is.
I feel simultaneously overwhelmed and enlightened. If wisdom is recognizing how little you know, I am feeling incredibly wise now.
More when I get some sleep.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Day 2 of Seminar
Day 2 of the seminar saw some journalists down at the Salle to film us. Something about living history and that kind of thing.
Today saw a bit of abrazare, a lot of dagger work and some longsword for the crowd. I started the day incredibly low energy, and kind of sleepwalked through a lot of the techniques. My form suffered and it showed. Guy probably noticed as well - came over and corrected me a couple of times.
Second part of the day saw me get my second wind. Did better, got more learning in.
Again, I'm glad that some small but significant matters got corrected:
Today saw a bit of abrazare, a lot of dagger work and some longsword for the crowd. I started the day incredibly low energy, and kind of sleepwalked through a lot of the techniques. My form suffered and it showed. Guy probably noticed as well - came over and corrected me a couple of times.
Second part of the day saw me get my second wind. Did better, got more learning in.
Again, I'm glad that some small but significant matters got corrected:
- Apparently my stance is too wide all this while. Guy described it well - if one imagines a square, my feet are occupying opposite corners of the square. This is wrong - it should occupy both corners of the same side of the square. I gain about a foot or two of measure this way.
- My pushing has been corrected. Instead of pushing against the chest and shoulders, go for the chin and head instead. When pushing encounters resistance, change the direction of the push. Push in the right place lightly beats pushing in the wrong place strongly.
- Structure is all-important. Maintain your structure, break his.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
String Theory
I learnt to fight with string today.
Apart from the obvious cool factor of that, I took a lot away from the first day of the seminar in Finland.
Once again, Kenneth goes into the pedagogical and technical aspects of the session; I don't need to belabour the point. I will go more into the personal development dimensions of the seminar.
I start with a somewhat suprising revelation - I may be passionate about the sword, but I am not entirely prepared to give up my life entirely for it. If the others here have a love affair with swordsmanship, I have probably a strong friendship with it.
That said, I've always been most interested in swordsmanship as a personal development tool, and that is what I shall focus on.
Apart from the obvious cool factor of that, I took a lot away from the first day of the seminar in Finland.
Once again, Kenneth goes into the pedagogical and technical aspects of the session; I don't need to belabour the point. I will go more into the personal development dimensions of the seminar.
I start with a somewhat suprising revelation - I may be passionate about the sword, but I am not entirely prepared to give up my life entirely for it. If the others here have a love affair with swordsmanship, I have probably a strong friendship with it.
That said, I've always been most interested in swordsmanship as a personal development tool, and that is what I shall focus on.
- Our martial art comes off a 16th century manuscript. Note I do not say "based off" or "derived from" a manuscript. For all intents and purposes it is the same martial art taught off the manuscript - or as close to it as we can get to it. While I have learnt content from the book, I've never learnt it in the order that the book presented. This small difference in the seminar and the way I normally learn it makes a vast difference to me; it allows me a bigger insight into the historical way the martial art is taught and gives the thought processes behind using the martial art more structure. In short, there is value in keeping it real.
- There are times where I am tempted to make things up when I don't know something. That is just ego. The irony is, the manuscript itself provides notes on variations, and possible applications. Often what I can make up is far inferior to what has already been provided and thought through by people who have a far more vested interest in the outcomes of these applications. In short, if you don't know something, check it up. Don't make up shit.
- In the course of learning this martial art, mistakes creep in. These may be small mistakes like hunching when you should be extending, not raising your arms enough and the such. These small mistakes matter, and happen because the human body is inherently lazy. To make sure your body does things properly, you must train. In short, practice, practice, practice. Don't just think about it.
- In the course of practising the martial arts, the simple moves work a lot better than complicated moves. The reason is that the simple can be executed without too much fuss. In the chaos of a fight, a simple move is more likely to be used and executed well than a complicated one. Do not mistake simple for shallow. In short, simplify, simplify, simplify.
Friday, June 20, 2008
How Do I Go On?
An anonymous commentator asked me:
"On those days when you were chugging along without being able to find meaning or make any sense of things, how do you make yourself continue?"That's a good question. I'll share with you a little insight of what I learnt in California.
My first night in California was cold and miserable. I didn't get an ounce of sleep because of jet lag and the fact that I was basically in a sleeping bag on the floor of my rented apartment. I missed home badly. I called home hysterically, and I was in tears.
It wasn't the call home that made me feel better though. It was the resolution I made to myself that night. I promised to make my situation better in small ways, starting by getting a mattress.
The next day, fatigued and jet lagged, I dragged a queen sized mattress home by myself, up a flight of stairs, through a narrow corridor. I must have been desperate.
Every day brought about new improvements. New chairs, new desk, new cable connection, a TV, then a TV stand. Pretty soon, the apartment was nice and comfortable.
You see, meaning is what you make of it. When the big things don't make sense, focus on the small. Sooner or later, when you have accumulated enough small victories, the world reshapes itself around those victories.
************************
I hope I answered your question, Anonymous, especially the one that was unasked but implied. I don't know what works for you, but I've found that plugging your way through a series of minor accomplishments does wonders. Sooner or later, on the back of these minor accomplishments, a major revelation will happen and there, you will find your sense and meaning.
Friday, June 13, 2008
No Story Ever Ends...
...it merely gives the basis for a new beginning.
Two years back, I worked an unpaid internship for a software company in California. I wrote about my heartache and trials here.
My writings on my unpaid internship:
************
I was incredibly surprised when someone I didn't know about wrote dropped me an email. He tracked me down by the blog address I left on LinkedIn, he said. He told me he liked what he saw, and that there were people back in California vouching for me.
People back in California vouching for me, he said.
************
Deep down inside, I've been struggling for the longest time to make sense of what happened, that life-changing experience that got cut short. I thought I buried that part of my life, but I know better. It never leaves you. You just keep chugging along, and one day, inexplicably, it will make sense because you make it make sense. You answer that call from your past, and use it to build your future.
Now, just like then, I'm leaving people behind. This time, though, I know better. I know that the story between us will not end, because no story ever ends. Not unless you let it. I won't let it.
Don't call this an ending. Just another part of the great story we call "life".
Two years back, I worked an unpaid internship for a software company in California. I wrote about my heartache and trials here.
My writings on my unpaid internship:
"Why am I insane enough to do this? The simple answer - I need every break I can get. I've already alluded to the difficulty of getting a visa sponsor. If I do a good job here, maybe, just maybe, word will get around. Besides, I promised almost a year ago that I will do absolutely everything in my power to stay. I'll not break that promise now."Two years later, I got my break. Just not in the way I expected.
************
I was incredibly surprised when someone I didn't know about wrote dropped me an email. He tracked me down by the blog address I left on LinkedIn, he said. He told me he liked what he saw, and that there were people back in California vouching for me.
People back in California vouching for me, he said.
************
Deep down inside, I've been struggling for the longest time to make sense of what happened, that life-changing experience that got cut short. I thought I buried that part of my life, but I know better. It never leaves you. You just keep chugging along, and one day, inexplicably, it will make sense because you make it make sense. You answer that call from your past, and use it to build your future.
Now, just like then, I'm leaving people behind. This time, though, I know better. I know that the story between us will not end, because no story ever ends. Not unless you let it. I won't let it.
Don't call this an ending. Just another part of the great story we call "life".
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Doors or Walls?
If your past comes knocking on your door, would you open the door?
Everyone has a past that hurts. It seems de rigeur these days. The question is not whether you should let it affect you. It will affect you. It will sneak up on you. It will ambush your sleep, and turn your dreams sour. It will pop up in your email box one day, in a place and form you least expect.
There's a reason I don't write about my current relationship(s), or lack thereof. It's because that part of me still hurts - and it hurts more because I've immortalised it on this blog without intending to.
*******
I received an email today, from a person I've never heard of, claiming acquaintance with someone who helped me a lot in California. When I received the email, I didn't know quite how to respond. Some part of me wanted very much to leave this door unopened.
This is the part of me that remembers that no matter how much I love California, it will be inextricably tied to the greatest pain I've faced in my life.
Another part of me wanted to see what lay beyond the door. This is the part of me that wants to see what it is I left behind in California, a glimpse at the life behind I left when I made my decision to stay in Singapore.
I emailed that person back. I don't know if that was the right choice. Time will tell.
*******
Deciding whether or not to go through that door isn't a rational decision. A rational decision is based on sufficiency of information. Truth is, you don't really know what's behind that door. You have an idea. You have a best guess. But it remains a guess, no matter how good you are.
Behind that door could be a monster, a blank wall, or a treasure beyond compare. More often than not, it opens up to a corridor with another door at the end of it. And then, you stand at the threshold again, wondering the same thing you did the previous time, because you are only human.
The question is not whether to open the door. The question is whether you can live with yourself after.
In the end, that is all that matters.
Everyone has a past that hurts. It seems de rigeur these days. The question is not whether you should let it affect you. It will affect you. It will sneak up on you. It will ambush your sleep, and turn your dreams sour. It will pop up in your email box one day, in a place and form you least expect.
There's a reason I don't write about my current relationship(s), or lack thereof. It's because that part of me still hurts - and it hurts more because I've immortalised it on this blog without intending to.
*******
I received an email today, from a person I've never heard of, claiming acquaintance with someone who helped me a lot in California. When I received the email, I didn't know quite how to respond. Some part of me wanted very much to leave this door unopened.
This is the part of me that remembers that no matter how much I love California, it will be inextricably tied to the greatest pain I've faced in my life.
Another part of me wanted to see what lay beyond the door. This is the part of me that wants to see what it is I left behind in California, a glimpse at the life behind I left when I made my decision to stay in Singapore.
I emailed that person back. I don't know if that was the right choice. Time will tell.
*******
Deciding whether or not to go through that door isn't a rational decision. A rational decision is based on sufficiency of information. Truth is, you don't really know what's behind that door. You have an idea. You have a best guess. But it remains a guess, no matter how good you are.
Behind that door could be a monster, a blank wall, or a treasure beyond compare. More often than not, it opens up to a corridor with another door at the end of it. And then, you stand at the threshold again, wondering the same thing you did the previous time, because you are only human.
The question is not whether to open the door. The question is whether you can live with yourself after.
In the end, that is all that matters.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wow. Just....wow.
I thought I had it bad. This guy had it worse. Much much worse. I don't think there's a word in the English language that can describe how bad this is.
Of all the responses Ms Cleri gave, I found the last one the most heinous. I cannot believe the depth of self-delusion in that last statement.
I hope that money was worth it.
Of all the responses Ms Cleri gave, I found the last one the most heinous. I cannot believe the depth of self-delusion in that last statement.
I hope that money was worth it.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Little Steps
In art, as in life, your path is often dictated by fundamentals and little steps.
I've written at length about my training issues. After some consultation with Greg and some very wise input from Illka, I've realised that what I am experiencing is simply that my fundamentals were not strong.
Take for example, footwork. Of all the training I've gone through, footwork is the most boring. Yet, so much depends on it. Your distance judgment is based on how consistent you can keep your footwork. Your stability is determined by how solid your footwork is. Your defense is determined by being in the right position at the right time, and that is largely a function of footwork.
Specifically, my footwork suffers because:
*************
There is a life lesson in this. Very often, it's not the big things that will drive you down, but the small things. A mispelt word can ruin an otherwise polished piece of writing. A misplaced number will ruin accounts.
As in all things, there is no controlling the number and frequency in which a million small things will occur in life. However, what can be done is to control the extent of which these things affect you. We can do so by:
I used to be doing swordsmanship as therapy for loss. It's long since outgrown its original purpose. I want to do swordsmanship now because it's a part of me. In growing my skill with swordsmanship, it causes me to grow too. It's also a wonderful tool for me to understand the interaction between my internal universe and the universe around me.
With this in mind, I can go forward.
I've written at length about my training issues. After some consultation with Greg and some very wise input from Illka, I've realised that what I am experiencing is simply that my fundamentals were not strong.
Take for example, footwork. Of all the training I've gone through, footwork is the most boring. Yet, so much depends on it. Your distance judgment is based on how consistent you can keep your footwork. Your stability is determined by how solid your footwork is. Your defense is determined by being in the right position at the right time, and that is largely a function of footwork.
Specifically, my footwork suffers because:
- When I take a step forward, I stop prematurely, causing my body to jerk forward. The reason for this is that when I move forward, I don't commit to shifting my weight to the forward foot until the very last moment. The sudden rush of forces from this weight transition forces my forward foot to act as a brake, which causes it to stutter. Furthermore, because I'm not comitting to moving forward, the reach of my front foot tends to be shorter than it would otherwise be, aggravating the "stutter". Solution - practice transitioning my weight better. This will cure two of my 5 issues which is the inability to change direction and the inability to range properly.
- When I turn, I lead my turn with my shoulders. I know a volta stabile is supposed to be powered from the hip. What I am doing, however, is rotating the shoulder first, to a point where my hips lock, then turning my hips. In that sense, I am overthrowing my shoulder. Solution - I need to work on shifting my weight smoothly from foot to foot, powering the transition with my hip and not my shoulder.
*************
There is a life lesson in this. Very often, it's not the big things that will drive you down, but the small things. A mispelt word can ruin an otherwise polished piece of writing. A misplaced number will ruin accounts.
As in all things, there is no controlling the number and frequency in which a million small things will occur in life. However, what can be done is to control the extent of which these things affect you. We can do so by:
- being honest with ourselves. We should not have overinflated senses of self, because we wouldn't notice these small creeping errors. Likewise, running yourself down for small mistakes is just as harmful - if your time and attention is on the defensive, you'll never progress, which brings me to....
- Set goals. Mr Wang has written several times about the importance of setting goals - a person who doesn't set a goal fails 100% of the time. I agree with him. I will also add, setting goals allows you to....
- Focus on your goal. On top of being sure what you want, you also need to keep your eye on the goal. Small things can detract from this in two ways, as distractions or as flaws in your fundamentals. The former should be ignored, the latter worked on. Either way, the only way to recognise the difference between the two is to understand what you want and to head towards it in a focused manner.
I used to be doing swordsmanship as therapy for loss. It's long since outgrown its original purpose. I want to do swordsmanship now because it's a part of me. In growing my skill with swordsmanship, it causes me to grow too. It's also a wonderful tool for me to understand the interaction between my internal universe and the universe around me.
With this in mind, I can go forward.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Hope, Love, Pragmatism and Barack Obama
I've been thinking a lot on hope recently, especially Barack Obama's message of hope, of unifying a deeply divided nation, of not doing things the same way with the same mindset.
I've begin to wonder if Singapore had gotten it all wrong.
I've been thinking of the 27 girls and the principal that has asked for them to leave the school in hopes of not pulling down the overall grade of the school. What a blow it must be to the girls! I do not wish to rehash the opinions of other bloggers on this issue. What I do wish to do is to abstract this a bit further.
We are familiar with the Singapore Mindset: Practicality above all, survival as the primary consideration. Survival requires us to make hard decisions. Practicality drives these decisions. There is no room for dreams, compromise, or hope. Winning the game must dominate all.
Is this correct?
I look back on Singapore's history, often cited as an economic miracle of proper governance, and of making hard decisions to survive. We did what we had to, and we did it well. We adopted a hard-nosed pragmatic mindset to survive, and we've done well. We've kept to it till this day.
Why is it, then, that while keeping this pragmatic mindset, we as Singaporeans have become increasingly dissatisfied with pragmatism? What has actually changed? I suspect it may be that we've forgotten that hope and pragmatism aren't always enemies.
We have forgotten that what drove Singapore during its early independence was not just the goal of feeding mouths and putting roofs over our heads. It was also the hope that there would be better days ahead, that what we would suffer for now would ultimately be repaid to us tenfold.
That was the difference. That was all the difference.
Yesterday, I read the Barack Obama has gotten the Kennedy family's endorsement, not because he had the best policies, or the greatest chance of putting them into action. He obtained it because he is slowly teaching a nation how to hope again.
********
In the recent past, I spoke to a friend of mine, troubled with love problems. Her problem was simply this: she did not want to enter into love again without some assurance that it would work out. I found this an entirely rational response and completely unwise.
My response is simply this - if both sides do what is rational, love will never happen because each side is treating each other at arm's length waiting for something to happen. The only way for something to happen is to break the deadlock, do the irrational, take the leap of faith.
In that sense, is it ultimately pragmatic to lose love or to gain love? I don't know, but I do know that equal parts of pragmatism and hope ultimately worked better than mere pragmatism.
As far as I know, my friend and her current beau are still happy together.
*********
The Singapore Mindset has permeated all aspects of our culture. Pragmatism above all. In truth, I have nothing against pragmatism. It is the exclusion of hope that I fear.
We need hope. We must have hope. History has shown time and time again what men without hope do. Hope curdles easily into desperation. The lack of hope turns easily into despair. Yet, for such a fragile thing, hope remains eminently persistent, for no one can give or take away hope, only displayed as an fine light in hope that others will follow.
I hope. Do you?
I've begin to wonder if Singapore had gotten it all wrong.
I've been thinking of the 27 girls and the principal that has asked for them to leave the school in hopes of not pulling down the overall grade of the school. What a blow it must be to the girls! I do not wish to rehash the opinions of other bloggers on this issue. What I do wish to do is to abstract this a bit further.
We are familiar with the Singapore Mindset: Practicality above all, survival as the primary consideration. Survival requires us to make hard decisions. Practicality drives these decisions. There is no room for dreams, compromise, or hope. Winning the game must dominate all.
Is this correct?
I look back on Singapore's history, often cited as an economic miracle of proper governance, and of making hard decisions to survive. We did what we had to, and we did it well. We adopted a hard-nosed pragmatic mindset to survive, and we've done well. We've kept to it till this day.
Why is it, then, that while keeping this pragmatic mindset, we as Singaporeans have become increasingly dissatisfied with pragmatism? What has actually changed? I suspect it may be that we've forgotten that hope and pragmatism aren't always enemies.
We have forgotten that what drove Singapore during its early independence was not just the goal of feeding mouths and putting roofs over our heads. It was also the hope that there would be better days ahead, that what we would suffer for now would ultimately be repaid to us tenfold.
That was the difference. That was all the difference.
Yesterday, I read the Barack Obama has gotten the Kennedy family's endorsement, not because he had the best policies, or the greatest chance of putting them into action. He obtained it because he is slowly teaching a nation how to hope again.
********
In the recent past, I spoke to a friend of mine, troubled with love problems. Her problem was simply this: she did not want to enter into love again without some assurance that it would work out. I found this an entirely rational response and completely unwise.
My response is simply this - if both sides do what is rational, love will never happen because each side is treating each other at arm's length waiting for something to happen. The only way for something to happen is to break the deadlock, do the irrational, take the leap of faith.
In that sense, is it ultimately pragmatic to lose love or to gain love? I don't know, but I do know that equal parts of pragmatism and hope ultimately worked better than mere pragmatism.
As far as I know, my friend and her current beau are still happy together.
*********
The Singapore Mindset has permeated all aspects of our culture. Pragmatism above all. In truth, I have nothing against pragmatism. It is the exclusion of hope that I fear.
We need hope. We must have hope. History has shown time and time again what men without hope do. Hope curdles easily into desperation. The lack of hope turns easily into despair. Yet, for such a fragile thing, hope remains eminently persistent, for no one can give or take away hope, only displayed as an fine light in hope that others will follow.
I hope. Do you?
Monday, January 28, 2008
Starting Over
I feel my one-month absence from training.
Yesterday's training was very much about easing back. I don't think I did badly, apart from a moment where I was seeing stars after wrestling. My shoulder muscles have shrunk, my paunch is returning, but my CV is somehow better - I attribute that to all the walking and running around I did during NS.
My load-bearing doesn't seem to have suffered. Then again I wasn't wearing my full armour. That being said, I think my wind has improved and it's translated into more willingness to press the attack. I also tried out a few other things that I otherwise wouldn't have done, which suits me just fine.
My pivoting seems to have deteriorated and my sword is all over the place - evidence that continuous practice is the best way of maintaining form.
That's all to report for now. I am still chewing over some aspects of my training but I feel it's a bit premature to write them down. Suffice to say, I'm thinking hard on the comments that have been left on my blog - especially Illka's comments about yielding only to superior pressure.
*****
I also seem to have developed a congestion in my chest area. I feel laboured when I breathe and a slight cough seems to be developing. I have no phlegm though. I suspect it's the warm weather conditioning I acquired in NS conflicting with the air-con environment.
Apart from this, I don't quite feel 100% psychologically. I feel much better after training though, so I think it might just be a function of venting aggression and frustration from NS.
Yesterday's training was very much about easing back. I don't think I did badly, apart from a moment where I was seeing stars after wrestling. My shoulder muscles have shrunk, my paunch is returning, but my CV is somehow better - I attribute that to all the walking and running around I did during NS.
My load-bearing doesn't seem to have suffered. Then again I wasn't wearing my full armour. That being said, I think my wind has improved and it's translated into more willingness to press the attack. I also tried out a few other things that I otherwise wouldn't have done, which suits me just fine.
My pivoting seems to have deteriorated and my sword is all over the place - evidence that continuous practice is the best way of maintaining form.
That's all to report for now. I am still chewing over some aspects of my training but I feel it's a bit premature to write them down. Suffice to say, I'm thinking hard on the comments that have been left on my blog - especially Illka's comments about yielding only to superior pressure.
*****
I also seem to have developed a congestion in my chest area. I feel laboured when I breathe and a slight cough seems to be developing. I have no phlegm though. I suspect it's the warm weather conditioning I acquired in NS conflicting with the air-con environment.
Apart from this, I don't quite feel 100% psychologically. I feel much better after training though, so I think it might just be a function of venting aggression and frustration from NS.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Returned to Sender
I'm back from ICT.
Many many weird things happened. I'm certain I cannot speak of any of these events. All I can and will say is...I'm appalled at the depths of which SAF officers will sink to protect their careers.
Having lost the first three weeks of the year, I'm now in an odd time warp where I'm slowly adapting to the new work year while the new work year seems studiously intent on avoiding me.
In other news, I've not been to training since the year started. I'm going on Sunday, for sure, and I have a lot to think about with regards to swordsmanship.
Many many weird things happened. I'm certain I cannot speak of any of these events. All I can and will say is...I'm appalled at the depths of which SAF officers will sink to protect their careers.
Having lost the first three weeks of the year, I'm now in an odd time warp where I'm slowly adapting to the new work year while the new work year seems studiously intent on avoiding me.
In other news, I've not been to training since the year started. I'm going on Sunday, for sure, and I have a lot to think about with regards to swordsmanship.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Training Issues
I made it past the recent evaluations but I felt like I didn't really deserve it.
My current complaints? A whole host. I feel like I know what the issues are but I haven't the faintest clue about how to get around them. I'll list them down - if anyone has any ideas from their own experience with martial arts and competitive sports, I'm very willing to listen.
My current complaints? A whole host. I feel like I know what the issues are but I haven't the faintest clue about how to get around them. I'll list them down - if anyone has any ideas from their own experience with martial arts and competitive sports, I'm very willing to listen.
- I'm suffering from a power blockage at the hip area, where my leg joint connects to my hip bone. What I mean by "power blockage" is that when I rotate my hips, I am unable to transfer the power from my hips to my upper body smoothly. The end result is that I end up very reliant on shoulder and upper body strength. It gets me to a point, but I'm feeling the inadequacies of this technique already. I think this is a result of my extreme lack of flexibility but I'm not sure.
- My footwork needs work. I tend to step from the heel rather than stepping from the balls of my feet. It's gotten slightly better but I'm still by no means consistent with that.
- I can't help but to think I'm picking up bad form from stress training. I'm not sure what basis I have for this statement, but I feel it happening when I do drills - I tend to want to punch a guys face in rather than concentrate on what works for the drill. In short, I've not made the transition from connecting "executing proper form" to "winning" yet.
- I tend to hunch my shoulders and lean forward to get those extra 2-3 inches of range, but at the cost of being able to balance well. It's a bad habit and I'm looking to break it because of the strain it causes my lower back and shoulders, not to mention wrecking havoc with my form. I think that it's a combination of breaking in new armour and my brain cross-firing saber and longsword techniques.
- There's a point I get to where I'm VERY unwilling to go faster. I -think- I can go faster but I've never tried going faster. The reason for this is that I associate speed with losing control, and losing control with injuries. I'm deathly afraid of causing someone else injuries. This has related issues as well - I freak out mentally whenever I train techniques I -know- are meant to injure or kill, like drawing the sword across a human body. I'm not sure how I can get around that, or if it's just an issue of desensitization.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Closing a Chapter
I've often wondered what the phrase "closing a chapter" actually means, in the context of life.
Unlike the pages of a storybook, life isn't sorted into neat little bundles of narrative, where events happen sequentially. Unlike prose, there is no discernible main plot and subplot to life, no protagonists, no antagonists, no foreshadowing, no metaphor beyond what the interpreter of life chooses to impose.
Where does that leave Pan Narren's, the storytelling ape?
I'm glad my friend has sorted out his issues. It's been such a long time. To be frank, I don't even miss the money anymore, because I've long since given up hope on it. I'm just glad that he's sorted himself out.
I wonder now, as I've wondered a lot in the past year, whether the money would have honestly made a difference. I don't know, but the speculation drives me fretful. I still wonder to this day, if I was able to make a difference, would I have made that different choice? Would I have avoided the pain, knowing that doing so I would give up the wonderful life I have now?
Life isn't a narrative. I can't flip the pages back, because I don't have any pages to flip back. I can't look forward and skip to the ending. All I can do is to live my life as best as I can.
In that sense at least, perhaps I can "close" this "chapter" with some dignity. Best wishes, old friend, and know that you mean a lot to me still.
Unlike the pages of a storybook, life isn't sorted into neat little bundles of narrative, where events happen sequentially. Unlike prose, there is no discernible main plot and subplot to life, no protagonists, no antagonists, no foreshadowing, no metaphor beyond what the interpreter of life chooses to impose.
Where does that leave Pan Narren's, the storytelling ape?
I'm glad my friend has sorted out his issues. It's been such a long time. To be frank, I don't even miss the money anymore, because I've long since given up hope on it. I'm just glad that he's sorted himself out.
I wonder now, as I've wondered a lot in the past year, whether the money would have honestly made a difference. I don't know, but the speculation drives me fretful. I still wonder to this day, if I was able to make a difference, would I have made that different choice? Would I have avoided the pain, knowing that doing so I would give up the wonderful life I have now?
Life isn't a narrative. I can't flip the pages back, because I don't have any pages to flip back. I can't look forward and skip to the ending. All I can do is to live my life as best as I can.
In that sense at least, perhaps I can "close" this "chapter" with some dignity. Best wishes, old friend, and know that you mean a lot to me still.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Malaysian Judicial Corruption
I stumbled across this in the course of my work.
For the benefit of those of you who do not know who Ahmad Fairuz is, he is the Chief Justice of Malaysia. This tape allegedly reveals a top Malaysian lawyer, VK Lingham, brokering judicial appointments in the Malaysian Judiciary.
What makes this potentially more inflammatory is that the person who released this video is none other than Anwar Ibrahim, former Deputy Primer Minister and member of Justice Party (Kelidan). Here, he writes an heated critique of the Malaysian judiciary on the Wall Street Journal.
Former Lord President of the Federal Malaysian Courts (as the Chief Justice was then known) and the 9th Yang-di Pertuan Agong Sultan Azlan Muhibbuddin Shah has given a scathing critique of the Malaysian judiciary during the 14th Malaysian Bar Conference - an event poorly attended by Malaysian judges.
On September 26, 2007, 2000 Malaysian lawyers marched to the Prime Minister's Office in Putrajaya. Labelled the "Walk for Justice", their demands were clear - remove Ahmad Fairuz as Chief Justice.
Today, the New Straits Times has reported that Chief Justice Ahmad Fairuz' term has lapsed, and it is unclear at to whether his term has been renewed by the Yang di Pertuan Agong.
*******
The reason I write about this is threefold.
The first is to give recognition to the forces of globalisation - what happens to our nearest neighbour will undoubtably affect us. I have am dealing with a number of pending cases in Malaysia myself and news like this shakes my confidence that these matters will be handled fairly.
The second is a follow-on from the 377A fallout. While I am deeply disappointed with the failed attempt to repeal 377A, I am at least glad that there is some indication of listening in the Singapore government - much more so than the lack of response regarding the alleged corruption of the Chief Justice of Malaysia. In retrospect I suspect things could be a lot lot worse in Singapore, and for that, I am grateful.
The third is a cautionary tale concerning mixing religion with politics and justice. The former Chief Justice Abdul Fairuz is one of the judges rejecting Lina Joy's appeal to convert from Islam to Christianity. I note with a sense of irony the obvious parallels between this and 377A. To me, sauce for the gander is also sauce for the goose. What of the right to use a condom? How far away are we truly from echoing Lina Joy ruling?
*****
As a final word - I'd prefer for this post not to be seen as a post in support of the failed 377A repeal, but of a timeline for a series of events that is happening very close to our shores. I intend for this post to raise more questions than answers, to discomfort more than to soothe. I see this as the only way we will learn to ask difficult questions about ourselves and state of affairs.
For the benefit of those of you who do not know who Ahmad Fairuz is, he is the Chief Justice of Malaysia. This tape allegedly reveals a top Malaysian lawyer, VK Lingham, brokering judicial appointments in the Malaysian Judiciary.
What makes this potentially more inflammatory is that the person who released this video is none other than Anwar Ibrahim, former Deputy Primer Minister and member of Justice Party (Kelidan). Here, he writes an heated critique of the Malaysian judiciary on the Wall Street Journal.
Former Lord President of the Federal Malaysian Courts (as the Chief Justice was then known) and the 9th Yang-di Pertuan Agong Sultan Azlan Muhibbuddin Shah has given a scathing critique of the Malaysian judiciary during the 14th Malaysian Bar Conference - an event poorly attended by Malaysian judges.
On September 26, 2007, 2000 Malaysian lawyers marched to the Prime Minister's Office in Putrajaya. Labelled the "Walk for Justice", their demands were clear - remove Ahmad Fairuz as Chief Justice.
Today, the New Straits Times has reported that Chief Justice Ahmad Fairuz' term has lapsed, and it is unclear at to whether his term has been renewed by the Yang di Pertuan Agong.
*******
The reason I write about this is threefold.
The first is to give recognition to the forces of globalisation - what happens to our nearest neighbour will undoubtably affect us. I have am dealing with a number of pending cases in Malaysia myself and news like this shakes my confidence that these matters will be handled fairly.
The second is a follow-on from the 377A fallout. While I am deeply disappointed with the failed attempt to repeal 377A, I am at least glad that there is some indication of listening in the Singapore government - much more so than the lack of response regarding the alleged corruption of the Chief Justice of Malaysia. In retrospect I suspect things could be a lot lot worse in Singapore, and for that, I am grateful.
The third is a cautionary tale concerning mixing religion with politics and justice. The former Chief Justice Abdul Fairuz is one of the judges rejecting Lina Joy's appeal to convert from Islam to Christianity. I note with a sense of irony the obvious parallels between this and 377A. To me, sauce for the gander is also sauce for the goose. What of the right to use a condom? How far away are we truly from echoing Lina Joy ruling?
*****
As a final word - I'd prefer for this post not to be seen as a post in support of the failed 377A repeal, but of a timeline for a series of events that is happening very close to our shores. I intend for this post to raise more questions than answers, to discomfort more than to soothe. I see this as the only way we will learn to ask difficult questions about ourselves and state of affairs.
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