Situation Update

Time for a sitrep.

(1) I've finished my thesis. It's 10 pages longer and 2 topics shorter than what I had intended to write, but it's over, it's done and I'm not looking at it again. I'm fairly sure my supervisor will take it as is.

(2) I'm finally done with my internship. I know I'll miss heading down to the cubicle every other day, but I've got some time for myself at least, except...

(3) My first exam is in a week's time. I've got some serious cramming to do in the upcoming week. That's not gonna stop me from taking breathers though.

(4) For those of you who have been sending me prayers/well-wishes about my financial situation, thank you. Things are looking slightly up. I've got a few prospects for part-time work during the summer, so I won't be forced to loiter on the streets or starve to death, except...

(5) I start bar review courses 4 days after my last exam. These review courses take up every weekday morning for the rest of May-early July, and I'll need to work in the afternoons to pay my rent as well. In short, I'm gonna be working my ass off during summer.

(6) For those of you who have been worried on my behalf about my visa situation, I'm glad to report a few more new prospects. It's way too early to tell if any of these things pan out, but I've got more than 1 decent opportunity in the works. I'm fairly confident that at least one of them will turn out well.

Thanks all, for those of you who have been putting up with my whining.

Why We Need Heroes

"They can be a great people Kal-El. They wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way."

-cries tears of joy-

Welcome home.

Deconstructing Faith

Tomorrow's Easter.

I'm Christian. I don't, however, profess to know all the answers. For example, I cannot believe that playing D&D is tantamount to Satan worship. Like Holly Q, I don't believe that Christianity should discriminate against homosexuality.

Does this make me a bad Christian?

I've had a long argument with Dawn over the nature of morals. I told here a while ago that I do not believe that all morals are subjective. I hold to that. There is the objective existence as we commonly understand it i.e the way a chair exists. There is also objectivity in the sense that a common view defines reality. Diamonds, for example, are valueable simply because everyone agrees that they are. Does that make their value false? Maybe, but it's still objectively obtainable.

Morals are real. God is real, even if God isn't three pounds of flax.

My greatest problem with my own faith has always been the state of knowledge. I do not know, for example, how men can claim to know God's divine will. If God is truly infinite, how can man understand God's will through our puny senses? The Bible? That is guidance, not a road map. The Bible does not tell a young french student whether to take care of his mother through World War II or to sign on to fight Nazis.

Who are we to know with absolute certainty what God wills?

Yet, in my uncertain state, I still have to make moral decisions - the first of which is whether I believe in God. The fact that I have to make a decision and the fact that I never know exactly what consequences my decision will have fills me with dread and anxiety.

The reverse, however, must be true. If I choose, it is ultimately my choice. If I choose to persecute homosexuals, D&D players, Muslims and the such, it will be my choice, not God's will. If I choose send the National Guard to Iraq, the fact that New Orleans didn't get the National Guard's help is not God's will, but mine alone.

My faith is not run on certainty, but best guesses. I feel an obligation to seek out the best thing to do in a situation. It does not mean I know it is the best thing, merely my best guess. It means I am never certain if what I am doing is God's will. All I can do is pray about it, believe in it, and do the best I can.

People have asked me why, despite all the shit Christians have put me through, why I still remain Christian. This is my answer.

"I don't have the right to punish God for Man's sins."

I Had A Friend...

...who I trusted deeply, who I literally spent much of my young adult days growing up around. Someone who was so fundamentally different from who I was, yet with enough mutual respect that these differences turned out to be some of the strongest bonds I had ever forged with another human being.

I use the past tense because I no longer consider this person a friend.

This friend came upon hard times. He had to take a break from his education because he could not pay his school fees. His father approached me, asking me to help him out. I did.

One loan became two, two became four, and four became many more. I've lost count of the number of times his father approached me for money, all the time promising that he would have it returned before I got married.

Then my wedding came, and the money wasn't returned.

My friend's father spoke to me, told me what a hard time my friend and his family were going through. He told me that if one, just one, of his ideas would work out, he would have enough to pay me many times over. When I put my foot down on not extending any more loans, the requests changed. Ideas. Questions. Advice. Anything my mind could lend itself to his cause.

One request became two, two became for, and four became many more. I've lost count of the number of times his father approached me for advice, all the time promising me that he would have my money returned to me soon.

Then came time for me to leave for the States. I'd long since given up on seeing any of the money. For an experienced businessman my friend's father displayed a shocking naivete about the way business works now. As I sighed at yet another heavy-handed, over-reaching, money-making scheme, I made my preparations to leave.

Before I left, I asked for help, contacts, anyone my friend and his father could put me in touch with. They did, and gladly. They promised me that I would have a warm welcome there, in the States. They promised that I would get the help I needed to get settled in.

I went to the States. I waited. I tried to get in touch with this contact. No response. Not a peep. I waited some more. Finally, I got on with my life, disappointed, but far from beaten.

And then came the request for help again. More questions. More thinking. More advice. By this time, I had been in the States for so long that whatever help he could give in helping me settle in was long overdue, and probably not needed.

It was during this time I found out my friend had been borrowing money off another mutual friend of ours. My friend lent him the money he had been saving for his honeymoon. When came time to repay, he couldn't. Except, this time, it wasn't for his school fees.

It was for an Apple Powerbook. When I found out, I recall staring bitterly at my 100-page, looseleaf notepad, which I had relied on to take my notes for the longest time in the States, because I couldn't afford a laptop with the little money I brought along.

I sent him a short, terse reply about exactly what I thought of his actions. I should have told him exactly where to shove that Apple Powerbook. I haven't spoken to him since.

I found out a short time back that he still wonders if our friendship would recover if I had time away. Perhaps he doesn't understand me well enough after all those years - my trust, once betrayed, is almost impossible to regain. Making restitution would only be the beginning, not an end in itself. Perhaps if he doesn't understand why I am so deeply disappointed with him and his family, then maybe, just maybe, I was the fool. I will not be fooled twice.

Why do I write about this now?

Because I looked at my account yesterday, and the money I lent him was the approximate amount I needed to remain here in the States.

********

And because no good deed deserves to be unpunished, let me now say....

...this might as well have been my story about Singapore.

When You Dig

Sometimes a solution isn't obvious till you dig deeper.

I've been having problems with my computer for the last months since I got here. It'd shut down inexpicably, or crash with whenever I'd leave it on too long. I took it to the computer shop and they told me it was because my graphics card was old.

It never occurred to me what the problem was until one day, my wife complained to me that my computer sounded like it was choking.

So today, while my wife is away in Ohio, I opened up my computer casing and found the problem - a thick layer of dust over the heat sink vent. I cleared it out and voila - the computer sounds like it's working normally again.

Proves that sometimes, all you really need to do is to get your hands dirty.

Singapore the MMORPG

Edit: I stumbled across an article that pretty much sets out everything that is wrong with MMORPG's nowadays - but centering its analysis on WoW. Pretty much sets out what I write in less rambly language.

Having recently hit level 60 at WoW, I could not help but notice a startling similarity between WoW and Singapore.

For the benefit of those not in the know, level 60 is the absolute highest level you can attain in WoW. In many ways, it represents a coming of age. This is where your character stops growing and starts participating. There are many "60's only" places and quests. It's like getting keys to the executive bathroom. A whole new world awaits you.

Here's the catch. The game at level 60 is vastly different from the game at level 1-59. Strategies that once worked from level 1-59 absolutely do not work at level 60. At levels 1-59, you have many choices to thrive. At level 60, you really only have two choices to avoid character stagnation.

You either sell out, or compete for scraps.

Like WoW, Singapore literally hands you the game from levels 1-59. Sure, there are super-performers in school who get all the perks. Sure there are people who get crushed by the wheels of a merciless system. By and large, however, you -will- get a decent education, you -will- get your bellies filled, and you -will- enjoy a standard of living that, while not fantastic, is certainly comfortable. Singapore hands its citizens the equivalents of level 1-59. The system facilitates both casual participants as well as fanatic workaholics. You can choose to work hard, or not.

Once you hit 60, the environment changes. The strategies that kept you alive at levels 1 to 59 don't work any more. You realise that your NUS degree, and whatever few marketable skills you have means little and increasingly less in the big bad world out there. You realise that that you are largely helpless in spite of the fact that you may have worked your ass off during levels 1-59. Casual participation becomes nigh impossible. Only complete utter dedication will allow you to thrive - anything else risks stagnation. You realise that there are only two ways to achieve the end-game rewards. You can team up with people to get "raid" end-game dungeons, or you can fight other players in "(P)layer (V)ersus (P)layer" battlegrounds.

Teaming up requires having a skill set that the team needs. That skill set may not be the one that is most desirable to you, merely those most desirable to the team. The team does not care if you have hopes, dreams and aspirations of your own. The team only cares if you can contribute to help them slay Blackwing, Onyxia or Ragnaros. Except, if you've played WoW long enough, you will know that many raiding guilds are run like military organizations or corporations, and have more than their share of catass-ery.

"PvP" requires something else. It requires you to pit your skills with foul mouthed kids and teenagers, who have nothing better to do but to hone their skills in the Battlegrounds. Alternatively, you'd face a person who plays a character that is invulnerable to damage, can teleport from place to place, and can kill you with a keypress. In short, you remain breathlessly disbelieving and wondering why the system rewards loophole exploiters and the obsessed, but punishes the casual.

Both of these are not the problems. The problem starts when you are level 1 to level 59 - the system gives no indication of the problems you will face at level 60. All we get are anecdotes of players before us - players who have their own self-interest at heart when doling information out. The senior players are likely to have gotten ahead either by nefarious means or by simply "grinding" away while the rest of us casual gamers have lives to tend to. They are not likely to lobby for casual-friendly gaming. In suffering, they expect us to suffer along with them for rewards. These hard-core gamers exert a disproportionate amount of power and often lobby and obtain landscape changes that yet again favours them while stiffing us.

So you look at your options, and wonder why you pay dues for the privilege of aggravating yourself. Your eye starts wandering. You discover other MMORPG's, and wonder if they are just more worthwhile. Unfortunately, you have a sinking suspicion that jumping ship may mean a serious case of "Same Shit Different Day".

You know that the problem is not with the system, but with the inherent nature of man.

Chances are also that while you hate the problems with WoW, you have friends you made there. Leaving WoW means leaving your friends behind, and you just -cannot- do that. Ever.

So what do you do?

I'm still trying to find the answer.



Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.

The Only Thing We Have

I had hoped to update this earlier, but the time between my last post and this has been a blur of activity and haziness caused by too much coffee and too little sleep.

Last week was spring break, except it was so bloody cold that no reasonable person would expect it to be spring yet, and I didn't have a break. The reason I didn't have a break is because I have started work.

Yeap, you read right. I found some work. The only shitty thing is, they want to pay me but I can't accept payment, since I'm still on an F1 visa. I'm working for free right now. No expenses claimed, no salary paid, everything out of pocket. Plus, I have to cross the bay 3 times a week, and each crossing costs USD$3.

Why am I insane enough to do this? The simple answer - I need every break I can get. I've already alluded to the difficulty of getting a visa sponsor. If I do a good job here, maybe, just maybe, word will get around. Besides, I promised almost a year ago that I will do absolutely everything in my power to stay. I'll not break that promise now.

Hope may be the last of Pandora's evils, but in the end, it's may be the only thing we have.

Plus, free beef jerky and cup noodles, plus all the apple cider, coke and coffee I can drink ain't bad.

------

On a brighter note, I have finally presented the work I've been doing with my professor. We just gave a presentation on Wednesday at Santa Clara University on "The Emerging Role and Voices of Women in the Legal Profession in China." Or something like that.

I don't remember much of it now. I was decaffinated on Wednesday. What I do remember is that the presentation went better than I expected. My ghoulish sense of humour and wisecracks were suprisingly well-received.

At the end of a presentation, a good-looking female student walked up to me and asked me if I knew her boyfriend, cos he's Singaporean and we all knew each other, right? I told her politely that we don't, or at least, I don't. Apart from Ben, who I know through blogging, I have no clue about the Singaporean population in Santa Clara U.

Would I like to meet them? Probably, but I have no clue who they are.

So, good-looking female student, if you happen to be reading this blog, I'm sorry I sounded really standoffish, but I was tired, drained and generally cranky that day. Plus, I really didn't know your boyfriend. Really.

P.S It'd be funny if it was Ben's girlfriend I met. I honestly have no clue. She didn't identify her boyfriend.

Pandora's Box

When Pandora's Box was opened, the last entity to exit for the mortal world was Hope.

I've often wondered why Hope was trapped in there with all the evils. I've read accounts that it was either (i) without the evil, there was no need for hope or (ii) that hope was the greatest of all evils.

After today, I think it's a little of both.

So, I had an offer, and a sponsor for a work visa. There was only one catch. The prevailing wage requirements meant that she had to overpay me. And she could not do that. This was in spite of the fact that (i) the prevailing wage does not take into account the fact that she's a sole proprietor and (ii) that she's not located in "prime" Sillicon Valley.

And after a week of running around like a madman trying to put the pieces together for what is needed for a work visa, I end up with a big fat zero.

I'm going to be off for the next few weeks sulking and angsting about being back to square one. I really wished I had a happy ending for everyone today, but it just isn't happening.

Love Is...

Love is paying the wages of of someone else's sin.

Love is the sacrifice you never knew you'd make, and don't mind making now that you know.

Love is the answer to the question "What the **** am I doing here?!"

Love is the courage to send out just one more job application after a long string of rejection letters.

Love is always knowing that there is something more important than just yourself.

Love is the tantrum you wished you never threw.

Love is forgiveness unearned.

Love is grabbing today by the balls....and squeezing hard.

Love is spitting in the face of an uncertain future.

Love is the faith that, somehow, things will work themselves out.

Love is staring at your dwindling bank account, and the corners you have to cut to make it last, just a little longer.

Love is the heartache you get from the millions of things you can't give.

Love is joy from the one thing you can give.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Lunar New Year!

这是Teabone祝贺您新年快乐,心想事成!

(Translation: This is Teabone, wishing you a Happy Lunar New Year! May you succeed in all endeavours!)

The WoW Lunar New Year started a little early. We went visting to get angpow...



(Actual conversation)

Aurelius: I BOW TO NO ELF!

Ferragamo: Shut up, kneel and get your angpow.



The lengths we go to get angpow....



After that, what better way to celebrate than to have a wonderful (banned in Singapore) fireworks display!



After much celebration, it was time to confront the fearsome Omen, or 年. Half an hour later and after many deaths, Omen lay slain before us! What a way to usher in the New Year!



Yes, Omen is that damn big.

Happy Lunar New Year, once again, from....



Teabone, aka "Almost Infamous" Anthony

Top 10 Signs You Are Addicted to World of Warcraft

10. Your colleague says "I'm sick, I need to go on an MC run", and you wonder if he's already attuned.

9. You refer to dates out with your wife as "Wife Faction Quests", except you know you will never be Exalted.

8. You refer to talking about WoW on a date with your wife as "generating aggro".

7. Punctuation marks are -much- more meaningful now.

6. One question mark good, two question marks bad.

5. You think Elf/Tauren babies are acceptable dietary supplements.

4. Chinese New Year is a big deal (especially if you are a farmer).

3. You think this comic strip is a hilarious joke.

2. You -don't- think this comic strip is a joke at all.

1. You organise group outings with the preface "LFG".

Meme of 4

Tagged by The Notorious C.H.I.A


4 Jobs You’ve Had In Your Life

Salesman selling Post-It's at a Post Office (I kid you not)
Management Flunkie in an ill-conceived Dot-Com
Lawyer in a mid-sized law firm
Legal counsel in a tiny telecommunications start-up


4 Movies You Could Watch Over And Over

Kung Fu Hustle
A Better Tomorrow
Fighter in the Wind
Transformers the Movie (and with that I display my age)

4 TV Shows You Love(d) To Watch

The Daily Show with John Stewart
CSI Las Vegas
Drawn Together
Visionaries

4 Places You’ve Been On Vacation To

Hong Kong + Shenzhen
Sydney + Hunter Valley
Santa Cruz
Tokyo

4 Places You Would Rather Be

South Africa
In space, preferably with a space suit on
The Orient Express
In an underwater dome

4 Of Your Favourite Foods

Mom's fried bee hoon
Roast Duck
Fried Carrot Cake
Stanley's Ice Cream

4 Websites You Visit

Something Positive
Questionable Content
PvP
Penny Arcade

4 Tagged

The Hungry Bunny
Victoria
Gloria
Brenda

Medisearch

I've been asked by a friend to plug a new free webservice, so here goes.

Medisearch is Singapore's first medical services website searchable by location and operating hours. Pretty useful, if you happen to be stuck in the office and need a doctor for an MC badly.

Take a look for yourself.

www.medisearch.com.sg

My First Road Trip

It has been almost 7 months since I first made The Move. To my shame, I haven't really been sightseeing around the area. This was something I remedied yesterday. We took our first road trip to Santa Cruz, home of some really famous surfing spots.

Downtown Santa Cruz


Santa Cruz Downtown

Our first stop was to the Visitor Center in Santa Cruz. We got there too early, so we spent some time chilling out at the Macdonalds opposite. At the Visitor Center we were redirected to downtown Santa Cruz. We spent some time exploring the cute downtown and assembling supplies for our foray into the Santa Cruz coastline.


Clock Tower at the end of Santa Cruz downtown

We did not, however, manage to find what we wanted - a picnic basket. After some discussion, we headed to another possible location where we could obtain picnic food - the Santa Clara Wharf

Santa Clara Wharf

The Wharf was a tourist attraction in its own right. Extending a half-mile from the coast, it is also the nesting place of many a seagull, pigeon and sea lion.



Don't seagulls just look rude?



Sealions taking a break from mating season



Mommy and Baby Sealion

I personally liked the Sealions. You could hear them barking from under the wharf. At first, I thought they were seagulls until I actually -heard- a seagull caw.

I missed a really good photo opp though. From the wharf we saw a sealion catch a fish, only to be attacked by a particularly rude seagull wanting its share of the spoils. The sealion dived under the water to escape and we never saw that sealion again.

We bought some really bland fish and chips and headed to our next stop, Lighthouse Point, for an improvised picnic.

Lighthouse Point

Lighthouse Point is a lighthouse (duh!) converted into a Surfing Museum. It also has some of the best views of the Pacific Coastline I've ever seen.



We also saw surfers. I never realised how dangerous the sport could be until I saw this...


Surfers climbing down jagged rocks

I could only imagine what happened if the waves got too big and wached these surfers onto these rocks.

Still I reckon they had fun, even if it was a lot of paddling for a couple of seconds of surfing.



With that, we headed for our final destination.

Natural Bridges State Park

We headed here on the recommendation of the Vistor Center. We hoped to catch a glimpse of Monarch Butterfly clusters. Instead, all we got along the path was this...


A felled tree blocking the nature trail

We then proceeded to catch some tidal land pools, and the natural bridge for which the park was named.





Dinner

Dinner deserves a special entry. It was a letdown. We returned to the wharf for dinner after exploring the coastline for the afternoon. My wife and I were of the same opinion - that salt and spices must be REALLY expensive in Santa Cruz.

Names are withheld to protect the guilty.

I'm glad we made the trip. With some luck, we'd be able to head down to Half Moon Bay or Napa sometime in the near future.

I Knew It!

A while back, a friend of mine asked me for an opinion on YouThink, Singapore Straits Time's new youth column. I was a little hesitant, given Straits Time's track record for creative quoting, but since it was a friend who asked, I sent him a quote, and kept the original copy for myself.

Here's what Straits Times quoted.

"'YouthInk is a symbolic gesture in the right direction. I acknowledge the pressing need to make our youth feel engaged in Singapore's social structure. At the very least, it symbolises an attempt to show the youth of Singapore that their views actually matter.

'However, as a forum for youth expression, YouthInk has a long way to go.

'A young voice is powerful because it is young, free from the preconceived 'wisdom' that afflicts adults. It took a child to question the emperor's nakedness. Yet, in the articles I have seen, there wasn't a single one that posed the tremendously difficult questions that the youth are privileged to ask.

'Two articles on blogging advocated simple truisms without further analysis - that we should be responsible with what we write online. Why is no one challenging the conventional models of career success? Why does no one question why young people are flocking to the modelling profession in droves?' -- ANTHONY LIM, 29, currently doing postgraduate studies in San Francisco"

And here's my full text.

"I appreciate the vote of confidence. As you well know, I am not exactly a fervent supporter of mainstream media. If the objective is to get a counterpoint to how well YouThink is doing, you might have come to the right place. If the objective, however, is to get a quote useable by the Straits Times, I'm pretty sure you've asked the wrong person.

Nevertheless, since you've asked, here's what I think.

YouThink is a symbolic gesture in the right direction. I acknowledge the pressing need for mainstream media, and the Government by extension, to make youths feel engaged in Singapore social structure. At the very least, YouThink symbolises an attempt to show the youths of Singapore that their views actually matter.

However, as a forum for youth expression, YouThink has a long way to go.

A young voice is powerful because it is young, free from preconceived "wisdom" that afflicts adults. It took a child to question the emperor's nakedness. This is perhaps the greatest lesson that YouThink should take to heart. Before the eyes of youth, we are all naked.

Yet, in the six articles sent to me, I have not read a single one that poses the tremendously difficult questions that the youth are priviledged to ask. Two of the six articles simply advocate more of the same - a top down, government-driven approach to solve problems. The two articles on blogging advocate simple truisms without further analysis - that we should be responsible with what we write online.

Wherein lies the wisdom of youth? Why is no one asking whether the modern Singapore student wield so much power that teachers are unable to do their jobs? Why is no one challenging the conventional models of career success? Why does no one question why young people are flocking to the modelling profession in droves?

I do not know, nor do I wish to speculate as to this cause. What I am certain of is this - the day that such questions are asked and published is the day YouThink, and all of Singaporean society, has arrived.

I pray fervently for that day to arrive."

The parts in bold are the portions that Straits Times omitted. Not a terrible omission, but one that takes a lot of force out of my opinion. My wife points out the irony of the omissions - that the truly provocative questions have been omitted.

I believe these omissions speak for themselves.

Symmetry

I am home, having left home.

Buddhists believe in a cycle of karma and retribution. Taoists believe that events occur in natural cycles. Historians believe those who do not know history are doomed to repeat history. Scientists believe that beautiful people are beautiful because their faces are symmetrical.

Such was my visit to Singapore.

I started my acting stint 12 years ago, in the ACJC drama club. My first production was the Merchant of Venice. I played Solanio. The drama teacher in charge at the time had it in her head that we'd look interesting in chinese costumes. We wore awful satin sam-fu's and most of us didn't have a clue what our lines meant. We acted to a huge audience in the AC auditorium.

12 years later, I headed to the Substation to watch the Merchant of Venice done by the current batch of AC Drama. What else can I say about the production, apart from singing its praises? This was the first time AC Drama had used a live band for its musical performance. Electric Guitars, Drums, Bongos even. The results were spectacular, to say the least. They are part of the Art Elective Program now. I say they've earned it.

****

12 months ago, I started playing World of Warcraft. I stumbled around, pretty lost. That's the price I paid for being an early adopter. No information, no news, and no one to help me around. I changed server three times, moved from Alliance to Horde, and played almost every character in the process except the Paladin. I remember being scoffed as being an addict, and told that no one else would join me in the game except me bro and Apocalyptic Wen.

When I moved to California, I stopped playing for a long time. I had a level 46 troll shaman which I gave up in frustration. My bro and Wen operated at a time zone that I couldn't coordinate with. I tried hard to keep in touch through WoW, but no one was there.

When I returned this time, my friends were talking about nothing but WoW. The guild which I signed the original charter had grown tremendously in my absence. Apocalyptic Wen was the guildmaster. I recall the days of dragging Apocalyptic Wen's cloth-covered ass down dungeons for equipment. They all made me a promise - come back, and they would help me get back in shape. For some odd reason, they were happy to see me back.

I've been playing again for the last week, and I've got a level 24 Tauren Druid. All that playing around with other classes allowed me to understand Druids better than most starters.

****

12 is a magical number. There are 12 months to a solar year. Both the Chinese and Western Zodian have 12 constellations. There are 12 numbers on a clock. 12 is the number of the cycle completed. 12 is the number of renewal.

As I had struggled 12 years before, so does AC Drama now bear fruit. As I had struggled 12 months before to help, so I am now helped. It all came round.

Symmetry is beautiful. Beauty is Symmetrical.

Love According to Chinese Ballads

A new year is arriving in 5 days. This is the time of year to be morose and introspective.

Over the last two weeks, I've spent more time at in front of a karaoke mic than I care to admit, accentuating another part of my fading Singapore identity - the easy availability of Asian ballads. Music about love, hate, betrayal, rejection, set to terse, succinct lyrics that is the hallmark of the Chinese language.

Like it or hate it, growing up Chinese in Singapore means growing up to the music of Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau or (if you're younger) Jay Chou. If you'd grown up in a Chinese household like mine, you'd even be familiar with the songs of Theresa Teng, Yu Tien, Fei Yu Qing and Sam Hui.

For good or ill, the music, and the values they espouse, form a foundation for your value system. Singing them at a karaoke is more than a trip down memory lane. It is walking down the dark cul de sac you always knew was there but never dared walk down, complete with homeless in cardboard boxes, burning oil drums, and hoodlums lurking in the shadows waiting to rob you of your last twenty bucks.

A part of me wonders if I exagerrate, yet I know it is unadulterated truth. Asian ballads are either encourage the formation of certain values, or the songwriters grok Chinese male cultural mindset. I cannot tell which, and it probably doesn't matter.

Love is Sacrifice



如何证明我深情的吻
才能呵护你脆弱的灵魂
我愿用生命阻挡任何能伤害你的人
就算被冷落
就算犯错
我都不走

- 苏永康, "男人不该让女人流泪"

Translation:

How do I prove my loving kiss,
To protect your brittle soul
I will sacrifice my life to protect you from harm
Even if I am discarded,
Even if I sin,
I'll never leave.

Love is doing what you need to do. Love means no price is too steep, no sacrifice too trivial, no cost too high - even if unrequitted love is the asking price. Love asks the impossible, and a true red-blooded male will not only deliver, he will deliver until his broken, bleeding spirit can deliver no more.

What a terrible thing it is to love. If love asks such terrible things, who can we expect to love?

Love Inspires



你哭着对我说
童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂
从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
- 光亮， “童话”

Translation:

You said to me sobbingly,
"Fairy Tales are lies,
You can't possibly be my Prince"
Maybe you'll never know
From the day you told me you loved me
The stars in my night sky brightened
I am willing to be
the Angel in the Fairy Tales you love so much
And enfold my wings around you to guard you
You must believe that We
Like all Fairy Tales
Will have a Happy Ending

Love never asks for sacrifices. Sacrifices are offered, given, presented of free will. Demanding a sacrifice turns love into a transaction. One can never exchange the infinite for the infinite.

Love inspires. Love shows you that there is more in you, that there is always more in you. And when there's always more, you, in turn, inspire.

Love is Infinite, Humans are Fallible



让它随风去,让它无痕迹
所有快乐悲伤所有过去通通都抛去
心中想的念的盼的望的不会再是你
不愿再承受,要把你忘记
-伍佰 & China Blue，“浪人情歌”

Translation:

Let love blow with the wind,
Let love leave no scars
Let all joy, sorrow and all that is past be discarded
Let all thoughts and yearnings not be you
I can bear it no longer
I must forget you

Sometimes love does not work out. When love does not work out, it asks one duty of you.

Walk away with dignity. Bear the scars, swallow the hurt, but walk away.

And that, sometimes, is the hardest thing to do.

Seasons Greetings

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka, and Happy Holidays to one and all!

Off to pick the wife up in 15 minutes. Don't do anything naughty while I'm gone!

Day 10 of Return

I had been meaning to write about my thoughts and feelings coming back to Singapore for a while. The emo entry I wrote when I first returned captures but a small aspect of what I am feeling.

Singapore, to me, seems like that odd midway-point between home and ideal holiday destination. I know it's only been 6 months, but even those 6 months were enough to throw me off. Marina was under construction when I left - and Carl's Jr didn't have a Singapore outlet. Several roads seem to lead to different places from what I remembered, though driving on the left hand side of the car seemed oddly familiar.

The greatest point of disjunct, however, has been food. It's no secret I've been hitting Singapore food pretty hard. I just never expected it to hit back so fiercely.

Last night, just before dinner, I developed bad abdominal cramps. I've had these before when I was in the States - it was when I discovered that I'd become lactose intolerant. This time round, however, no lactose was involved. The cramps got so bad that my parents had to rush me to a doctor for an injection. The injection settled my stomach for all of 5 minutes - where I promptly "merlioned" my dinner outside the clinic.


A graphic representation of what happened outside the clinic for those unfamiliar with what "merlioning" means

Needless to say, I spent the whole of last night feeling bloated and queasy. I threw up two more times before my stomach settled.

What does this have to do with local food, one might ask? The final time I threw up - I threw up the remnants of my dinner two nights ago, and the pain immediately ceased. It was a bowl of bak-chor mee. More accurately, it was probably the bak-chor, which tasted a little funky to me even when I was consuming it.

I am now recovering at home, with plenty of time to think about food misadventures mere days before Chirstmas. Perhaps even my stomach no longer acknowledges its Singaporeaness. I certainly had no problems consuming wasabe beef sandwiches recovered from the floor. Either that, or it's my retribution for tormenting Victoria about the availability of mee pok tar in San Francisco.

Perhaps there is no moral to this story, save for those manufactured by a morose mind.

Bloggers E-Carolling

Note: My thanks to Mrs Lim for her wonderful carolling meme, without which I would not have thought this up.

The heart of Christmas is giving. Carolling is a way of giving - it sends forth a much-needed reminder that Christmas is bigger than presents, trees and a respite from work. There are, however, those that need more than a reminder of Christmas cheer. People for whom presents are a far-off dream.

I'd like to give something to these people. I'm sure you do too.

Here's the deal - send me a request to sing a carol or Christmas song, and I'll sing it and put it up for your enjoyment. If you like my rendition, all I ask is that you make a gift to a charity. You pick the charity, you pick the gift. Send me feedback and I'll put your name up beside the music link, along with the gift you made. It's that simple.

I look forward to your patronage.

FAQ for Bloggers E-Carolling

Q: How do I make a request?

A: You leave a comment, or email me at khaycelim-at-hotmail-dot-com. I will take any and all requests until 1 Jan 2006.

Q: Will you guarantee that you will fulfil every request?

A: I will do my best to fulfil your request. However, there are some songs that are completely beyond my ability to do a credible job, for example, "Santa Baby". If I cannot do a song, I'll let you know, and you can pick another song, or be very pissed off with me and never speak to me again.

Q: What if I already made a gift to charity? Do I have to make a fresh gift to request a song from you?

A: If you're already made a gift, kudos. Send me a request and I will do it, as my way of thanking you. No fresh gift required.

Q: Is this just a cheap publicity stunt to get traffic to your site?

A: Actually, it isn't. The traffic is nice, but I will be deriving no benefit from it. Any ad revenue that I get from this traffic spike will be donated to charity.

Q: Any amount? Any charity? You're kidding!

A: Different people will value what I am doing differently. Just give what you think my singing's worth. If you think I'm utter crap, don't donate. Different people will also have different ideas where their gifts should go. I don't care about where the gifts go, so long as they go somewhere needed.

Q: How do you stop people from cheating, i.e, requesting a song, then making no gift?

A: I can't. I however, believe that people who cheat charities during Christmas go to a Very Special Place, along with child molesters and people who speak loudly at the cinema. Let your conscience be your guide.

Q: Who the f*** do you think you are? Some celebrity?

A: On the contrary, I know I'm not a celebrity. I don't even have a high traffic blog. I'm just an ordinary Joe Bloe doing his bit for Christmas.

Q: How do I know you're not utter crap?

A: I've sung a few carols for Mrs Lim in her carolling meme. They are here, here and here. Sample them, and if you don't like them, don't make a request.

Q: I love your idea! Can I E-carol on my own site?

A: Absolutely! I'd love to have more people involved in this. As long as you carol for charity, I'll all behind you!